Lonely and miserable

[belcantwait]

That's it really.
Many things are really getting mecdown and I feel like I sm sinking

Don't know why but 'friends' never make effort to see me despite many of them not working (I work 4 days a week). Most will only invite me to see them or will fit me in seemingly as a last resort. It always seems to be me doing all the running as if I didn't I don't think anyone would contact me. As a bit of a 'test' I haven't contacted anyone for 3 weeks and I haven't seen or heard from anyone.
I never seem to have any money at all so end up being stuck at home with no petrol in car to go anywhere or actively seek out seeing people.
Brothers never reply to my texts and consistently let me down.
I just feel bloody miserable all the time and really lonely. On the surface I prob might seem like I have loads of friends, colleagues at work, friends in band I am in, force myself to be upbeat friendly and chatty at work buts getting increasingly hard to keep up the pretence. Most days I just want to stay in bed.
Had day off today and have literally done nothing, can't motivate myself, either spend the day walking round the house or just sitting there. Then school pick up time comes and I feel guilty and cross with self that I have wasted yet another day
Anyway that's it really just wanted a bit of a moan and someone to talk to :( thanks for listening

Thank you yes maybe you're right just seem a bit self indulgent even thinking I might be depressed it's not like I'm Spending my days weeping!!

I should add as well that even if I see any 'friends' I can only 'stick' it for about half an hour and then I just end up feeling even more morose

Sorry you're feeling so down - it sounds from what you've said as though you could be suffering from clinical depression (as opposed to the "just feeling a bit fed up" kind of depression). Has there been any change in your sleep patterns since you started feeling like this? Do you cry?

Have you got a DH or DP? If so, can you talk to him about how you feel?

If you have felt like this for a while, I would suggest a chat to your GP to see if depression is a possibility. If so, ADs will help (but that's another discussion later on!).

In the meantime, don't beat yourself up or feel guilty about doing nothing today. Sometimes it's your body's way of saying "I've had enough and need a rest, so I'm switching off today."

How long have you been friends with these people who seem to be ignoring you? Are there any of them you can talk to to let them know that it upsets you when they don't ask to meet up? It could be that they just assume you'll be at work and not free to get together, and the depressed state you are in is clouding your view of things.

I'll be here for a while if you want to talk, so please feel free to come and have a

I know exactly what you mean about feeling like no-one would contact if you didn't make the effort - and it can be depressing / downheartening... though once you tune into it, than it can become much more than it really signifies. I think I feel like that, therefore, it happens. And not enjoying social situation when you are in them can them exacerbate the negative feelings, and could be a reason (I feel) why I am not in constant demand.

I know how you feel about that bit, in other words...

Thanks vanillacandle

I think it's been coming on for a while tbh couldn't necessarily pinpoint when. Had a bad patch last jan and it continued on and off for several months. Then a quite unnatural high following a four day break on my own in august. But really and truly it only lasted about a month or two

I have a dh but he sometimes gets like this too. I feel he doesn't really understand me, he agrees my friends are rubbish but doesn't think I should be cutting myself off from everyone like I seem to be doing.

Over the yrs i have had alot to deal with and have always been the 'strong' one so consequently people tend to burden things on me cos I can cope

I am currently in a bit Of a different life stage to my friends (elderly parents one with recently duagnosed middle stage dementia) and could do with some support but they don't really understand although they will ask after my dad if I see them I never really can discuss it properly as I don't want to feel like I am droning on about me all the time and well I don't know why elses really!
I have 'friends' that I have known for 6 hrs and some for 18. They are all as absent from my life as each other

Specialsmasher sorry to hear you have the same problem. but slightly pleased I am not going mad

6 or 18 yrs not hrs!!!

It's sounding more and more like depression with every word I read! You feel bad when you don't see people, but don't feel you can cope with socialising either; you feel you are putting on an act all the time, and the pressure of doing that is getting to you; you don't feel anyone would want to listen... I could go on.

Please will you make an appointment with your GP?

Although ADs won't cure you (depression isn't something that can be cured as such, but over time you can learn to live with it rather than suffer from it), they will bring you back to a state where you can cope. This on its own may be enough to get you socialising again. I think you may be giving off conflicting signals to your friends, and unless you tell them how you feel, they won't be able to deal with it.

I'm sorry about the situation with your Dad - that's a horrible thing to have to cope with for someone who is feeling on top of their game, never mind for you. I'm sure the Alzheimers Society will have some kind of support network for relatives, have you tried talking to them?

What area of the country are you in? Are there any other MNers you know locally?

I feel such a fraud going to the doctor I don't want to waste their time otoh I clearly can't go on like this
I also don't want them to suggestcounselling as I just can't face it tbh can't explain why I just can't do it
Feel really guilty re the dcs too as just can't do anything with them and they deserve so much more I think I struggling with accepting how I am feeling as I have always had a sense of be strong don't show your feelings sign of weakness self absorbed etc etc

Could do with a but have no money!!

Hello

I have been feeling like you for months and finally went to the doctor two weeks ago. He said I was suffering from depression and anxiety and suggested counselling and/or anti-depressants (citalopram -- i have a thread on this elsewhere in the sector). The relief of someone telling me I had a valid problem was immense.

Some other thoughts:

1. You are not alone. You are not alone. You are not alone!
2. You are not a fraud, and you're not wasting anyone's time. Lots of people go through this.
3. Dealing with dementia is HARD. My mum nursed her mum through dementia for three years and it was exhausting and agonising. You can get help. Google 'dementia support group.'
4. It's very easy to waste time when you're feeling blue. It's very hard to concentrate when you have low self-esteem. I was recently signed off work for two weeks on stress leave and set myself all these amazing goals to read all sorts of books and see all lots of people and I did NONE of them. And hated myself even more!

Try to tell yourself that this will pass. It's a short period of unhappiness in a long and happy life. And it's fixable.

Good luck

hi belcanwait... just another post to say you're not alone, either in the world, or in the way that you feel. My DH left two days ago for a 3 month business trip and i can already feel the anxiety that i get when he's not around setting in. and i tried so hard this time to ward it off. sigh.

i find keeping busy helps, but it is hard because i feel so demotivated so it's a vicious circle really.

Feeling worse today couldntvget out of bed and called in sick at work. Told them I've got a tummy bug and they were all sympathetic so another thing to feel bloody guilty about I never call in sick so it's a big thing for me. Dh all worried thinks it's to do with him. He said he was going to put out a fb plea to my friends to cheer me up but I don't want to see anyone. My mum is getting a bit of food for me and dropping it round but I don't want to see her really but can't say that to her as she's doing me a favour really as I haven't got any money til tues. Tried to get doctors appt for today but none free so will have to be next week with the doctor I don't like so much
Dh is worried I will ask him to leave as this seems to be the pattern when I get so low :(
I wonder whether it might be hormonal as have been having terrible night sweats for about a year and a half now not every night but frequently. Doctor said when I went about it it could be early peri menopause so maybe that might explain the mood swings etc or maybe I am just ignoring the things that are really wrong and it's a good way of blaming something else that I have no control over so I don't have to deal with the real issues. Always been very efficient at head burying! God that was long sorry

Hi honey - sorry you're not so good again today.

1. You are not a fraud! This is a genuine condition, and just because it is a problem in your brain as opposed to a broken leg doesn't make it any less valid.

1. Nobody can "cheer you up". This is the thing which winds me up the most about depression - because people use the term to mean that they are feeling a bit blue, it trivialises the genuine clinical condition which is caused by depressed levels of hormones and other brain chemicals. You don't want to see anybody because you cannot cope with social interaction when you are feeling bad about yourself and your self-esteem has gone through the floor. Please show this post to DH to persuade him not to do the FB thing, it will be counter-productive and make you feel even worse.

1. Get to the GP and get on some ADs! IMHO, counselling doesn't work on its own because you need the ADs to get your brain back to coping and rational thought before you can deal with what triggers the depression and how to deal with it. Once your levels are back to (or near) normal, you will be able to start socialising a little, and life won't seem such an effort.

Also, it may help DH understand if you are given a proper diagnosis - men find it easier when it has a label on it! However, he also needs some support in how to deal with living with a depressive. If he wants any tips, I have been doing it for 17 years!!

1. You are not a bad person. It is just the condition which can scramble your brain a bit from time to time. Please try not to feel guilty, but listen to the signals your body is giving you and get something done about it. You may find that the GP you don't like so much is actually quite supportive in cases which are as genuine as yours. Please tell them -everything- though, including the brief manic period you were describing earlier.

1. Keep talking to people who understand and won't judge you. Just knowing there is someone you can let off to without burdening DH with everything is a real relief.

1. If you've made it this far, congratulations! Have a - is a depressant, so not a good idea at the mo...

Hi vanilla
Just had a snooze, so tired!
Am going to have to go back to work tomorrow and am wondering whether to say to my nicest boss who is also an almost friend the real reason I was off and how I am feeling. Only because it would make it easier to take time off again if I needed to (can't keep on making up illnesses!) and also my job is customer facing and having to have my chirpy service face on for 4 hours is quite tiring

Will def make appt with gp as think maybe I need something to boost me but am a bit scared of taking tablets as have quite an addictive personality and don't want prescription drugs to be my next addiction! (not drugs or anything but am a smoker and have come close enough to worry about whether I was becoming alcoholic before having a break from it)
Think dh wants to 'fix' me and he can't. He also is hassling me all the time eg what's the matter? Why are you upset? Have I done everything? Etc etc and it's so bloody wearing he just can't accept that I font know myself what's wrong then he gets paranoid thinking I am unhappy with our relationship I just end up snapping at him I wish hE would just shut up and leave me alone !!!!

Right, I think I am one of your friends.

I am on my way down now.
x

Thank you andlipsticktoo
will call you next week xxxx

Really low again today
feel all kind of empty and my body feels heavy like I am carrying a massive weight on my back
Dh still keeps asking me if I have cheered up yet. It's like I have made a coscious decision to be miserable and can therefore make a conscious decision to be happy. He also keeps saying how i have been really horrible to him the last few weeks and he doesn't deserve it. He's right tho of course he doesn't deserve it. Am dreading him coming home now as he will be annoyed with me fir not being all perky and happy and I will feel like I have let him down again and am making him miserable {sigh}

Meant to all be going to visit an old friend of mine tomorrow and really really don't feel like it. He is getting mightily pissed off with me saying I 'can't be bothered ' to do such and such but I really can't be bothered

You have every right to feel down, you are not just there to cheer DH up and keep him happy. IF you are feeling down , surely he must understand that if you like that you are going to drag other down, and its not your fault. Tell him you are sorry if he isnt enjoying it , but you need his understanding and kindness right now.

I suggest you see your GP too, try to talk it all through and maybe get some anti depressants. Wishing you luck and hope you are going to feel more 'up' soon.

Thank you for the ((((hug)))))
my friend has been really kind to me and has spent time with me but still don't feel like I can say I am really down today so I put a brave face on then just end up feeling worse again.
I know u really do know I need to see the gp but equally I know I probably won't.

I don't think anything in that last post made any sense at all

Please go to your GP with a full list of symptoms and description of your feelings so nothing is forgotten. It really does sound like depression but do ask for blood tests including a thyroid function test to rule physical illness out. If you think you might find it hard to impress on the doctor how things really are, perhaps consider taking your DH with you to the consultation.

Most of all though, please be kind to yourself. You are struggling as so many of us do at some point in life (been there and out the other side) but look after yourself and try not to feel guilty or unworthy of help. You aren't.

God my gp thinks I am a total hypochondriac as it is!

I need to get the dcs to bed I can't move my heart is pounding out of my chest I can hardly lift my head am worried I am having some sort of breakdown I have been so crap with the kids it's not fair on them to have to put up with me like this

Reading your post is like describing my life. I think you have shown strenth just putting it all into words on here.
My DP is the same, he just doesn't understand and I feel I cant explain as I don't know myself what is wrong.
I am very close to my mum but feel I cannot talk to her about this and when I'm feeling really bad I know I should phone/see someone (friends/family) but just cannot be bothered.
You are def not alone and now I'm beginning to think that i'm not either