It's my fault that the NHS is too expensive

[snowmash]

and I can't do anything about it :(

Welcome back snowmash - why was it horrible today?
(Hope you managed some food)

That i can't leave keeps hitting me. And I'm still suicidal (they know this), and people think differently to me :(

Yeah, I spent years surviving that drive to suicide. I had little tricks to stop me: "Oh I can't kill myself until I've sorted out my niece's money; oh I can't do it till I've finished X." It was exhausting.

The drugs made a bit of a dent, as did boring the pants off lovely friends. And eventually, it all just... went away. Don't know why or how, but that "will to live" animal thing just kicked back in.

I'm not pretending things magically became fine, but they became possible, in a way they weren't when all I really craved was the Big Sleep.

Which is a long way of saying what Pixie Leaf said: that if you can hang on in there it won't always be like this.

Thanks for posting that TIANC, I'm glad you got over it and can now let people know there is a way out which involves staying alive.
My brother attempted suicide recently, and found himself fighting to live when survival instinct returned. Of course I'm glad he made it, just wish he hadn't had to go through that horrific experience
before deciding life was actually worthwhile. I can hardly bear to think of it myself, but he did find he was glad to be alive, despite apparently insoluable problems.
Please, don't think about suicide.

It looks like teatime; I'm assuming TIANC has the kettle on for a , with possibly a few [biscuit[ and a change of subject to something more cheerful.

Snowmash, sorry you are stuck in there, but Pixie's right and it won't be for ever, meanwhile, we'll continue to nag about food because it will help your general health, and that's your best way out.

? Hoh yes!

I was trying to type biscuits plural but it didn't work; am still learning here.

Just a bracket typo, I think. Otherwise you are fully biscuit-enabled, shodatin.

That i can't leave keeps hitting me. And I'm still suicidal (they know this), and people think differently to me :(

Here's another one who has been too close to the cliff edge....for me the shift back to life happened when I went from I'm no good to anyone and ds needs a better mum to I have to stay here because ds needs me.

Snowmash they are taking care of you because they like us don't want you to die, and them thinking differently from you indicates that you are still not quite in touch with reality and need further treatment.

Maybe instead of fighting it so hard can you try to go with the flow a bit more, give them a chance and see if their treatment works?

I know you've been in there for a week and it must feel like eternity but, and I don't normally get this involved with people I've never met in RL, I would lose sleep over you if they let you out now because you are incredibly vulnerable.

How did dinner go, snowmash? And everyone else?

DP coming this evening, so I get to make sausage casserole, mmm. Except oh bugger, it's dark already.

I'm not trying to fight it... Just finding it very hard. I've had three blood draws from my feet now. Plus ward is high tension at the mo and has been for a few days. Still no disabled toilet. It's basics that are made even harder.

no disabled toilet!!

how come the tension is high?

I had lunch but not dinner - was upset by doctor's choices

Neither female ward has a disabled toilet. Tension is high as someone is needing 2-3 staff to stay safe

does the doctor choose what they want you to eat?

No. Sorry, that was 2 sentences into one. I think there is unnecessary stress over my physical health. Feel like I'm an animal of some kind as I can't feel signs of infection, but have one. Have had four blood tests (and seven needles, three in my feet) and on third lot of antibiotics since coming in. Taking blood from my feet is upsetting, but response is that we need to look after my physical health...I know we do, but surely I can still say it hurts? Maybe it's lack of control plus feeling sorry for self :s

It does indeed seem very difficult on that ward - I would have thought a disabled loo was a necessity, so that must be depressing every time one uses it.

Don't you have a choice for meals now? I can see why you don't want to be there, apart from the lack of choice in the matter, but this should be the last time you're in for this reason. I thought you were doing so well to take the meds and eat their unappetising food, well, you are doing well I think.

Do they get you a snack at any time? Hope so.

I just meant I don't find the choice between feet (and purportedly one sharp scratch) or looking at my arms again (definitely lots of sharp scratches) a choice. They are the same just different (feet hurt more). Plus dr asked if I could be wrong about lots of things, so I felt sad because of course I can.

one sharp scratch is the medical world's biggest lie

You poor thing having to have the blood taken from feet - I am such a baby when having bloods done anyway. You are a million times braver than me.

Remembers with huge embarrasment last time nurse needed blood - ended up having to lie down and someone having to fan me *

on your behalf re the toilet - totally unacceptable.

Hope the antibiotics start to kick in soon x

Thank you madmouse for the sympathy. - wonder if some sort of case could be taken against them ;)

Thanks kizzie - poor you :(. I think it's combining with the not being able to say no (feels coerced anyway). Not like in a medical hospital where they can go and find appropriate people/equipment.

No disabled toilet? Blardy hell.

Sounds like hard work on all fronts at the moment. Definitely allowed to feel a bit sorry for yourself.

Sorry you didn't feel up to having dinner, with everything else that's going on.

I'm hoping the antidepressants start working...