It's my fault that the NHS is too expensive

[snowmash]

and I can't do anything about it :(

Medications are worth every penny to the NHS when they are being used as directed in an effort to help somebody. The medicines we need to save our money on are the ones that are not taken, stockpiled in cupboards or taken wrongly.

Your medicines are very worthwhile so you should follow your doctor's advice and keep taking them. Whatever you do don't try to stop them yourself, they would need to be reduced gradually if your GP agreed to let you.

Don't be so hard on yourself, you're clearly a good person, you wouldn't be this unsympathetic to another person in your position so cut yourself some slack.

Good luck with your operation.

The hospital stay is for epilepsy - they would have to agree for me to stop the diazepam and some others, my GP wont discuss it. If I ask, I foresee a week of people asking if I'm taking them, until I end up under the bed in a ball. Or 'lets try something different'.

The PTSD makes health issues unbearable, but must be worse if you get hospitalised for PTSD, so shouldn't complain.

Thanks - trouble is I'm not some other person - I once cost my GP surgery £7000 a quarter in special order drugs

If your GP didn't think you were worth treating they would not have prescribed those medications for you. Their professional judgement was that it was worth it and they will not have taken that decision without a knowledge of you, your history and your prospects.

Contrary to many people's beliefs GPs are aware of the cost of medicines and tend to use them wisely. It is not for you to worry about the cost, your GP will have weighed up those decisions already, you need to use your energy in trying to make yourself feel better (hard though that is).

I'm glad you saw the GP, and of course she wouldn't hit you, you seem to have had a bad time altogether.
Just take it a day at a time, you'll manage the monthly mess in hospital because everybody does. When you've seen the consultant for the epilepsy they might consider changing at least some of the meds, particularly the diazepam.
I'm glad you're getting some help; please just stick with it until after hospital stay.

done it for tonight, six meds. stupid lactulose all over bed

thanks shodatin, trouble is I can't tell she wont. I need to see the psychiatrist maybe - she stays a long way away from me. thanks

Blimey, sorry, thought I saw you post elsewhere about DCs and leapt to conclusion that they were yours. I too don't have DCs because of illness, and like you get by on DNephews and DNiece.

So sorry you're in pain, with more surgery and other hospital stays to come. Must be absolutely grim. Will be thinking of you next week - are hospitals Mumsnet-enabled by now?

But at the risk of putting my foot in it again, I stand by what I said about purely financial models being crap. You've done youth work for 15 years? Good grief, your contribution to those around you must be immense - mostly non-financial and extremely difficult to measure.

Today a govt department paid DP's employer £1050 for a single day of his time, and described this as "cheap". It's madness, but that's below the market rate for his scarce skills, apparently. And they want him for at least 15 days.

If you want to get angry about this, please do. We're not impressed, either, that contribution and rewards are so arse-about-face in this world. DP's doing a conscientious and useful job of work for them, but neither of us can see how that's "worth" £1050 a day. (He doesn't get a say in the charging, btw, and is paid a fraction of his chargeable rate.)

I've actually just read DP this post to make sure I'm not misrepresenting him, and he wants me to add that people like you, who so obviously care, are what gives him hope that this can be a society worth living in. Cameron and his ilk notwithstanding.

Would it be very arse-licky to say, Thank you for being there snowmash?

Sorry, stupid money stuff just supposed to put your £7000 into perspective.

Hello - if it helps... after reading your posts I feel very very happy that some of my tax that I have earnt is going to help you. Becuase I know that when I go to the doc today and probably get a prescription, that people will be helping me pay for mine.

That's how it works :)

Sorry you feel so awful, can tell by your posts that your reasoning is based on your illness as you are much more down on yourself than I imagine anyone who knew you would be.

I know you mention you don;t have children, do you have a partner, or a family memeber of freidn that could go to appointments with you so you feel safe?

I have an anxiety disorder and am terrified of going to doctors. Your posts are making me feel stronger and that, like you, I deserve to be helped. Thanks

No, I've just realised - if I told anyone about the libraries they'd have me put in prison for ever, which would be right because it's my fault but I would be too scared.

Oh petal!

Please, snowmash, give your psychiatrist a call. Sounds like a crisis is brewing right now. Not surprising with all this horrid hospital stuff going on.

And no, libraries are not closing because of you.

And no, you wouldn't be put in prison even if they were.

The thing is, I'm no use any more. I stopped the youth work when I began mature student (no time and more disabled).

Should be useful by doing DPhil, but been signed off 3 terms out of 6 because they stuck me in a room that so small they had to take the desk out to get hospital bed in. Been cut out of the front gate twice. No space to set up my special phone so I can phone. So worth less than nothing or would be somewhere I could study/leave/phone. No more chances soon for dphil because wasted all the funding because nowhere to work.

The libraries are my fault because the council might adapt one of their properties so I can be safe, but that costs lots and lots for no return. Spending on the libraries instead would give a good return.

So I do need to be in prison - not just the libraries, they could have had a good person instead of a very bad one.

Oh pet, it's all whizzing round together, isn't it?

The way you're feeling at the moment, you could join any set of dots and find a way that everything's your fault.

That's the depression screaming above everything else you know and believe. Please, give your psych a tinkle.

And no, you're not a bad person.

Snowmash I'm getting really worried about you - something is really getting out of control. Your thoughts are well and truly on the run with you and you really need help now.

Please please ask for help. Psych, cpn, GP doesn't matter. This is not good xxx

Please see someone
The NHS needs to treat people - if it wasn't for people actually needing treatment we would all be out of a job.
The spending cuts have an underlying agenda which is privatisation and PROFIT they are not because you or any other group has taken too much out.

Hi snowmash, I'm saying I totally agree with the others that it's the depression making you feel it's your fault. My brother was thinking like this a while ago, and he ended up in the psychiatric hospital, which was not a nice experience for any of us.
I don't want to worry you, but I would recommend you talk to the psychiatrist, or someone similar (GP again? Nurse?), then would you please let us know what you've decided, as we're worried about you blaming yourself.

Please don't worry. I'm sorry for being bad, I didn't know what I was saying was wrong or I wouldn't have said it.

I can't make outgoing calls (don't always manage to pick up incoming either).

Most of my communication is email. Only email I have is my GP, she works Tues/Wed and I would be very bad indeed if I emailed something and she opened it outside of those days (promised not to use email like that).

I wouldn't know what to say.

People think my thoughts are wrong, but I'm ok just very scared?

Snowmash you are not doing anything wrong and you are not being bad. You don't deserve to be punished and you don't need to do it alone.

We are worried about you because you are ill. Either you are very depressed or you are developing a touch of psychosis too. I'm really worried about the way your mind seems to function right now. I am worried that you will end up getting hurt.

Do you want me to contact your GP for you? You would have to private message me your real name and GP's name/number but I can do that no problem.

And it is Wednesday today so you can email your GP. And it is her responsibility not to open work emails outside working hours. Just like my dh, who is a vicar, does not answer his work phone on Tuesdays. It's what professionals do - it's fine.

Wot madmouse said.

Glad to have a reply from you!
Sorry if I'm pushy, and you haven't been bad at all, just having a bad time I think, and anyone would be scared if they thought about going to prison.
Nothing like that's going to happen, because I'm sure you've not done anything wrong, just got the wrong idea about stuff being your fault. It's Wednesday, so would be OK to email GP and ask if you could see or speak to psychiatrist.
My laptop's doing odd stuff like erasing half a line here and there, so I hope what appears is making sense.

you can email the samaritans you know, and discuss things

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