Insomnia friends; bye bye 2010 the year of bad sleep, hello 2011 the year of good sleep!

[BeckyBendyLegs]

How about this then everyone?

Sorry to hear your feeling like that madmouse just know we are all thinking of you and sending big hugs.

madmouse I totally understand < hugs > x

I'm finding it difficult to get up in the mornings atm and strangely in the evenings when my dds are in bed I feel flat again and then can't seem to get into bed quick enough and just want to switch off. Does anyone else get this? The rest of yesterday was fine.

I had a bit of a restless night last night and now I feel flat again:( Hope I can shake it off. Got to go to work today.

Well I managed to get through work today.

However about an hour and a half of my day was spent on a respite call. Normally it would be ok but we walked round a nursery and my left leg didn't like it much. I'm limping atm as I managed to damage my achilles whilst out for a run on Tuesday. I've been taking lots of nurofen but it's still quite painful:( It's probably why my mood isn't great atm. Obviously I won't be running for a while either, so the whole thing is a bit of a downer.

I just feel really fed up. I've also managed to have a row with DH because he never wants to listen. It doesn't help.

Sorry for the rant. If he listened I would probably be moaning on here less.

Hope everyone else has had a better Friday than I have.

Well done for getting through the day orangeflutie!
I had a restless night too, lots of wierd dreams.
Sorry you wont' be running for a while. I went swimming last night and it seems to relax me but also tires me out, but I don't necessarily sleep well after.
It's a really low time of year for lots of people. Can you start planning a weekend away or this year's holidays?
My DP is the same - I find him really annoying sometimes and it just seems worse in the winter when you're all cooped up in the house together with the dark evenings and dark mornings.
My day was OK and I had my meeting with my boss. Didn't get what I want but managed to score a couple of points! It got heated on his side but I remained really cool and rational which I was proud of. Somehow I seem to be really strong at the moment, don't know where it is coming from!
Have a better weekend orangeflutie and everyone!

Thanks arcadia.

Well done you for staying cool with your boss and being strong. Judging from what you said I think you definitely won today:)

I won morally if not financially .
I think I'm less scared of him now and so a little less scared of everything. That's my aim in life - to stop being so scared.
Thanks for your support.

Really bad couple of nights recently.

I cant sleep through worrying about my meeting with GP and CPN. Reread letter today and it says I should bring my thought diary (basically a dairy of how I feel and sleep day to day) so they can review it. thing is after looking back at it Im worried that I come across like Im going downhill again and part of me thinks ive been doing really well then the other part just feels like a mess. I feel like maybe ive just been putting on a brave face for everyone around me to mask that I feel like complete and utter crap everyday and eventually im going to just break. I already feel like im part way there, shouted at dd today for playing with a ball, I dont know where it came from, I just put her in the playpen and went into the hall and cried, it was awful she was crying so much but I just couldnt face her, she eventually stopped but I felt like such a bad mum

Sorry for the rant... probably doesnt make any sense cos im bloody knackered. Just needed to get it off my chest. I feel like im jekkyl and hyde sometimes

anyway hope everyone else is doing ok.

Arcadia yeah!!!!

frikadela you are being awfully hard on yourself :( You are bound to be nervous and wound up about this meeting and have a mini-blip through the worry. When is the meeting?

GetDown how are you doing?

frikadela don't feel bad - I shout at DD sometimes and feel terrible about it. It doesn't mean you're a bad mum. There are bound to be ups and downs and you have had a difficult few days with your shift working which would be hard for anyone, plus this time of year is a really depressing time for most people too. Could it be a difficult time of month for you too?

I had my first bad night in a while .I had too glasses of wine last night and instead of relaxing me my head went all 'whizzy'. In the end I took a nytol but then DD was up from about 3-4 am AGAIN but DP went through and dealt with her and stayed in her room for a few hours. I feel a bit bad as he also got up with her this morning.

I was having really vivid dreams which seem to keep waking me, and I was going through that conversation with my boss in my head and starting to see it all in a negative light, and what I should have said, and reliving the bad moments of the conversation (when he was getting angry and a bit aggressive tbh).

I always seem to cope with difficult and stressful situations at the time and then suffer afterwards .
Sorry if it sounds trivial - just a work situation - but it was so nerve wracking having a confrontation like that with someone like that.

frikadela sorry you are having a bad time

arcadia sorry for your bad night ... the situation with your boss is not trivial at all, I'm not surprised it was playing on your mind. I hate conflict and really find it hard to stand up for myself. I think you've done brilliantly, keep telling yourself that.

thanks becky I am doing ok. Been sleeping well the last couple of nights. Strange though - I go to bed feeling wide awake and wondering how I am going to get to sleep, and then I just don't remember anything and wake up in the morning! It's a strange kind of sleep but is just about working at the moment.

Thank getdown. Glad you are doing OK and sleeping well.

Arcadia I find wine either totally zonks me or makes me go all wizzy. My New Year's Resolution is to drink wine only on Fri / Sat nights. I am generally sleeping better. I think you did really well with your boss by the sounds of it. I couldn't have done that in a million years but I am a real wimp when it comes to confrontations. I might have sent an email but there's no way I could cope with a face-to-face confrontation. You should feel proud of standing up for yourself when so many other people would have just sat and festered.

GetDown sounds good to me. You're doing fine :)

I'm working hard today - the problem with being freelance is that there is not such thing as a weekend off.

Hi everyone how is the sleep thing going?

Sorry have been absent.

Think I figured out what's going on yesterday - feel like I'm fighting off depression, wondering if I'm just holding it off or not anymore :(

We have moved church (temporarily) for dh's work and I don't click with the middle ages, posh middle class congregation. I miss my church family and my band. And it seems to have taken away the thing that keeps me going, that gives me something to look forward to, something that was always there at the end of a crap day/week. Now everything is a bit of a grey blur :(

It's double hard as dh is having a ball and it's really aiding his recovery....

I've spent nearly 2 years battling PTSD, if I now have to battle depression I don't know what I'm going to do.

Madmouse what makes your think this depression is not temporary, or not related to the PTSD? How long are you going to be at this other church?

Try to look at things objectively: you've had a rough few weeks (with DS being ill over Christmas as well), it is January (the worst month of the year in my opinion), you have battled soooo hard to recover from your PTSD it is bound to exhaust your resources, you're coping with a change in your routine (the church). Please try not to be so hard on yourself (that's what you'd say to me!).

Big hug for everything you're feeling xx

madmouse - just wanted to say. Dont underestimate to effect of the church move. Things like that can really knock anyone for 6 - and the people at your usual church are such a huge part of your life. Maybe you just need to gve yourself a little longer to adjust.
Hope today ok. x

Thank you for the voice of reason xxx

I guess I'm panicking a bit. I'm used to fairly sudden and deep lows that come with the PTSD and that don't last too long, they just hurt a lot.

But this insiduous loss of colour in my day/world is different and I really do not like it.

Hi madmouse

I think you probably need to give yourself a bit longer to adjust too. However perhaps keep a diary of your feelings for a while. It's often difficult to tell whether it's just a low patch or depression and it might help to write things down.

I can definitely relate to the lack of familiar faces and a sense of belonging as I've struggled with this too. We've moved house several times and it makes me very unsettled.

I'm finding things hard atm. I'm feeling very negative and don't like going out much. The problem is I don't know whether this is because I'm busy in the week and am getting tired, because it's January or whether my depression is coming back. All I know is I really don't like how I'm feeling atm.

Hey Guys, Hope everyones doing ok.

Reread my post from the other night, must have been having a really bad night. Thanks for the messages. I know I'm not a bad mum... everyone shouts from time to time just always feels bad when it seems like for no reason at all.

Anyway had meeting with CPN and GP today. Had a big breakdown, cried for over 30 minutes but got a lot of things sorted. Basically we're going to try antidepressants again starting with fluoxetine which helped for a little while back when I was last on them (around 3 years ago) and monitor it more closely this time.

The meeting really put things into perspective really, I have been attempting to convince myself that I'm doing well but I know that for the past 12-18months I have just been getting lower and lower.

One downside is CPN has said she is unwilling to ok me to go back to uni in March as its too soon. Shes right but I was kind of looking forward to the escape.

Anyway.. Onwards and upwards!

Sorry to hear everyone is feeling a bit at the moment.

frikadela must be frustrating to put your plans on hold for uni, but hopefully once you get back on to the fluoxetine you will improve again. Let us know when you start them and how you are feeling.

Orangeflutie hope you are feeling a bit better, so many people are down at this time of year.

madmouse as the others say don't panic and think you're going down to stay, it could be the whole anticlimax after christmas and of course your move which sounds very unsettling, and you're missing your old friends.

Becky how is your sleep at the mo? Haven't heard much from you so presume it's going well!

I'm sleeping well. Had a little blip after meeting with boss and expected a few bad nights but think it was just a couple of restless ones and no being awake for any period of time. I really think work helps me sleep, despite being stressful, because my brain is occupied with something. Reading a good book also helps, I've noticed, as I read a few good books over christmas and was sleeping well. I think it's the escapism from my own worries.

How are you feeling getdown, are you just lying low, with fingers crossed?

Hello! I've been quiet because I've been manically busy with work (which is actually the best way I cope - I think I'm a bit of a workaholic really). Sleep has been ok - quite restless in the early hours but seriously compared to lying awake for hours that is more than acceptable!

Orangeflutie hopefully your feeling down just because it is the worst time of year right now and everyone dips around now, I always used to but just put it down to winter blues.

GetDown I hope you are ok xx you are quiet too!

Madmouse boo!

frikadela how do you find Fluoxitine? I only took it for three days and I didn't get on with it at all. I thought I was going to die!

Thanks for asking after me, I don't always post but I do usually read here everyday.

I'm ok but struggling a bit with anxiety It's really annoying as I can't seem to conquer it, and it's much worse at night.

I seem to be reliably waking at 4am or even earlier and have this awful tummy pain, the kind you get from too much acid? And my mind is just full of worries REally stupid things that I am too embarrassed to even say as they sound so pathetic in the cold light of day. It's just in the night they seem so much bigger and insurmoutable.

DH says I need more CBT. But I really don't want more CBT. I found it a bit "intense", and ended up crying most sessions and never really felt "better" anyway, they seem such a huge amount of money, I want to know it's going to be worth it really.

Also am slightly worrying about my coming and going of symptoms. One day I feel nauseaous and the next I feel fine and I am constantly worrying that the baby has died inside me I know it's unlikely but I just have this fear. I'm terrified of getting to the 12 week scan and them finding the baby dead

I'm on the antenatal boards a bit on here but there are so many people with such sad stories of MC, and it freaks me out a bit.

Plus I am really fed up at work, and I'm also really fed up of my mum staying with us two nights a week and also the feeling of being a generally horrible crappy person that it gives me

Arggh. Sorry for the me me me post.

GetDown reading your posts is like reading your mind running away and spiraling and spiraling up and up into a state of frenzied anxiety. Stop! Come back down. You are ok. You are still pregnant. You really are going to be ok.

That 12-week scan nightmare you describe did happen to me (my first MC) and I'm ok, I was ok. We went along all happy and excited and yes, it was awful, terrible, horrendous, one of the worst moments of my life - the only time I've ever seen DH cry. But there's no point worrying about it happening, really, there isn't. You cannot control what happens and worrying about it will just make you feel worse :( I don't want you to be unhappy, I want you to be happy that you are going to have another baby. You have to believe that. You ARE going to have another baby and that is incredible, lovely, special.

Come out of your rock :)

thanks becky you are very lovely x

Getdown maybe we should crawl from under our rocks together?