Insomnia friends; bye bye 2010 the year of bad sleep, hello 2011 the year of good sleep!

[BeckyBendyLegs]

How about this then everyone?

GetDown I do really feel for you. My DH has been working weekends, but not to that extent. It's really hard because you feel sorry for them working so hard and missing out on being at home but you also feel resentful at being left at home all the time. It's hard.

I had a terrible night last night - after this 80s party - didn't get to sleep until gone 3am and that's after trying hypnosis, milk, lavendar spray, counting backwards, opening the window, waking up DH (twice). Grrrrr.

I do find the CBT great stuff but last night it all went out the window :(

Im fine thanks Getdown. Enjoyed all the wedding hoo hah.

Hope this weeks is easier - will look in and see how you are getting on (i know how hopeless I am when DH working a lot)

Wow! We must be sleeping well...

Madmouse in reference to your FB status - why are you worried about not sleeping tonight? What's up?

I'm not sleeping great becky! But trying not to dwell on it. I went out for drinks with friends on thursday night and was so wired getting into bed, I knew it would all go wrong. Terrible night. Then it's not been great since, but am getting by.

I've enrolled myself on a hypnobirthing course Am really excited. Got the book from the library and am over half way through in just a few days (normally it takes me weeks to read a book). Soooo much of it makes sense! I actually feel quite enraged by some of the stuff that happened in my birthing with DD. Reading the hypnobirthing stuff has made me realise why so much of it went wrong last time.

GetDown I am always like that after a night out now. Last Saturday night I had a terrible night after we all went to a 30th birthday disco. Annoyingly DH was, as always, out like a light. But GetDown you are doing so great.

Hypnobirthing sounds fab. My mum (who trained as a hypnotherapist a few years ago) gave me a couple of hypno-relaxation sessions before I had DS1 and I swear that it was that which helped me give birth to him with just gas and air and spearmint polos for pain relief. It also helped me with the other two I am sure. I am such a wuss when it comes to pain so something must have helped me. Hypnotherapy is very powerful.

Thanks becky great to hear that your mum's hypnotherapy helped you through your births. I will have to add spearmint polos to my hospital bag list though, never thought of those!

Don't start the course till June as DH is working crazy hours till then In fact he is still not home yet (10pm) and am getting slightly concerned. Plus I cooked a lovely coq au vin and will be a bit cross if it goes to waste if he's just got take away pizza or something!

Hope you are doing ok? Have you had anymore CBT sessions? Please do share any pearls that you glean - I know I could benefit! Sounds from FB that your work is crazy busy at the moment. Hope you are not going too cross-eyed with all that reading!

How is everyone else doing?

I saw the perinatal psychiatrist on monday. It feels so weird going back there (her office is the same place as the mother and baby unit). Also feels odd going every month when I am feeling so well!

Glad you are feeling well Get Down

GetDown I do think the CBT stuff is very good. Basically the idea is to challenge the negative thoughts about sleep and look at the facts. Hard to describe really. So 'I won't sleep tonight and tomorrow will be awful / I won't cope' I'm supposed to think about whether that is actually true or not. In other words I have coped really well on lack of sleep and I always catch up on sleep in the end, and recover. It does seem to be working. My bad nights are almost gone now (bad as in 2 hours sleep or less) and I do have the odd night of 5 hours or so sleep and anxiety but they are getting fewer and further between so it must be working on some level. But now the CBT man is working on my phobia of balloons, which I find terrifying. It's about gradual exposure. I feel so bad that the NHS is doing this for me when I am hardly an urgent case. The sleep thing is better and the balloon thing I've lived with for 30+ years so far. There are people who need help more than me and I feel so guilty but every time I say this CBT man tells me off!

How are you doing Kizzie?

I am soooo busy with work at the mo. and likely to be until October at least, and perhaps beyond. I feel like I am fighting a fire that is only just about under control!

Glad the CBT stuff is helping, don't feel bad about getting help for your phobia - it's good that you are getting it sorted. 30 years is a long time to have a phobia. Poor you, kids parties must be a nightmare for you.

thanks kizzie I do hope you are doing well.

I felt like I won "crappiest mother" award today DD's nursery rang me about the 15 free hours grant and basically it's complicated as she goes to two different providers and they are arguing between them (with me as the middle man) over how the hours should be spilt. DD kept nagging and whining whilst I was on the phone - I had to put the lady on hold and asked DD if she would go and watch TV for a few minutes whilst I finished on the phone. DD then proceeded to scream and bang the door while I carried on talking with nursery woman.

When I got off the phone I was so upset and angry I totally flipped with her and yelled at her really loudly She was properly sobbing. I felt so bad.

GetDown don't feel bad :(. I had a similar situation with DS2 once when I was on the phone about work and despite me telling him 'shhh' and mouthing for him to go away while I was talking he kept nagging and nagging me for attention and I flipped when I got off the phone. If you're a crappy mother then so am I. I had a bad morning this morning when we were all late for school and I was so crabby and shouty at the DSs as we ran all the way with DS2 tottering behind crying 'I can't keep up! I can't keep up! wait for me!' By the time we got to school we were all in fowl moods and I felt like the world's worst mother. To top it off DS3 had wet socks because I hadn't fixed the rain cover on him properly.

Hi everyone, I need a hug as I am not sleeping well. There is so much churning around my head at the moment and I think it is also partly fear about these CBT sessions to try and get over my phobia about balloons and partly over work, lots of things going on and just partly the fact that every now and then I can't relax. But the thing is as I can't get to sleep the anxiety just prangs back up again like stepping on a rake. It really pees me off as I really thought I was getting well over this. It has been a whole month since my last bad night (I sound like an alcoholic - it's been a month since I last succumbed to the evil insomnia).

How is everyone anyway? Love your piccie on FB GetDown of your growing bump. It is really exciting :)

here is your hug (((Becky))) and a reminder how far you have come!

I know how rubbish it feels - just had a month of really bad anxiety over everything and it was so exhausting having to 'fight back' with more rational thoughts. I still worry too much right now but it's at a lower level so i can cope.

You are doing fab. Bear in mind that any type of therapy - any work you do at changing yourself, it all eats energy, mentally and even physically so you need to allow for that. Give yourself some down time. It is very important.

I agree with madmouse, becky. It IS hard work in every way trying to bring about change in deep-seated emotions. How many nights have you not slept well for now?

I've had a few bad nights recently, but mainly my fault for not winding down properly at the end of the day. DH is working silly hours so am having to do everything around the house, with DD, walking the dog twice a day etc. etc. It's quite hard but just telling myself it's only for a few more weeks.

When you lie there not sleeping, what do you do? Do you get up? Make a cuppa? Listen to Paul McKenna? I find sometimes I forget the basics and end up lying there for hours and just hoping hoping hoping that sleep will come, when in reality, I am just working myself up into an anxious mess. Sometimes it really helps to get up and sit on the sofa for a while, even though it's hard. Get a big cosy blanket to wrap around yourself and after 15 mins or so, go back to bed and try again. It's so hard to stay calm though.

I am having worries about DD at the moment. She is only 3 but am already worried about friends for her. She has this friend that we see really often who goes to her pre-school. The mum is absolutely lovely, a primary school teacher, soooo patient and kind. We meet up for a cuppa quite a lot. But the little girl... well, I can't help thinking she is really a bit of a cow! I know that sounds awful to say, but she's really mean to my DD! She quite often comes up to DD and says things like "do you want to sit next to me? .... well you can't!" and "do you want to come to my house? .... we're BUSY!" And quite often my DD cries. It's very sad to see. And the last few days DD has been quite unhappy going into pre-school, to the extent that the teacher has asked me if "everything is ok" at home, because she's been quite withdrawn and upset.

Arrrrrggghh. I didn't expect the whole friendships problems to start THIS early!!!

GetDown it is now three nights in a row and I've falllen asleep about 1am each night, woken between 5-7am so not horrendous nights but I am in bits today. I know I am doing everything wrong, thinking all the wrong things, all that CBT advice it really, really hard to apply. I don't undertand why I am having this blip but my stomach is in knots right now. I feel sick.

When I can't sleep I get up, do a wee, maybe get some milk, go and tell DH I can't sleep (he's been going to bed 12.30), lie in bed breath deeply for a while, spay some lavender on my pillow. I have been using Mr McK too and I find I fall asleep when he's talking to me but wake up as soon as it ends. So what do you usually do if you can't sleep? Does it help to go downstairs, sit for a bit, go back up?

That little girl does not sound terribly nice. The friendship thing is a tough one. DS1 had a time when he was being bullied but it only lasted a few days because he told the teacher (rightly so, DS1!) and they dealt with it. I may have even talked about it here - his so called friend turned on him and did things like pull his trousers down on the playground and push him over, etc because this horrible boy told him to. It is hard to be a parent, because you want to be there and guide them with their friendships but you also need to step back sometimes and let them work things out for themselves. It's hard to find the balance I think. DS1 is much happier now and has a best buddy who he sees a lot out of school (he comes here for sleepovers about once a month).

I'd better go, make a coffee and read for ten mins before getting everyone up. I must be positive!!! I will get over this blip. That's all it is a silly blip probably brought on by stress and doing too much as per usual, and possibly also anxiety over this balloon thing. I don't know. I just want to be back to how I was a few days ago.

I meant to ask: does your DD have any other friends at preschool? How long has she been going now? I hope she settles again soon.

Hi Hope everyone is OK. Sorry you've had a bit of a blip Becky, ,it's irritatating to think that this is something we are 'stuck' with now, isn't it, which is how I always feel when I have a bad night. But when I think back I always had the odd bad night before, just wasn't bothered by it (and it doesn't really matter so much anyway if you don't have kids!). My DP is away for two nights at the other side of the country and it's the first time I've had her on my own overnight. What I've done is got the Grand parents to help out in the days but I'm alone with her at night. This is just more settled and hopefully will help me feel more confident. HOWEVER last night was terrible ! First of all I couldn't get to sleep then when i finally started to drift of DD was crying on and off for about two hours so didn't get more than 4 or 5 broken hours in the end.HOwever today was OK as DP's parents arrived mid morning and when she had her nap this afternoon I got an hour or so then. Am not expecting to have a goodnight again tonight either but I've decided I can survive two nights if I get help in the daytime!

In a way I am disappointed that I'm still thinking about sleep at all - thought I'd be cured by now! - but think I'll be stuck with it til DD is bit older.

Glad your pregnancy is progressing well getdown. I can imagine it is hard with your DD and the little girl being mean to her. I am only just starting to realise how it gets a bit more complicated when the children interact. It is hard to see your child having to learn that the world isn't always a nice place. DD shouts 'hiya' and 'bye bye' in the street at people and has no idea yet that some people are nice and some people aren't.

Good to see that this board is generally quieter these days so we are all sleeping a bit better than we were!

I don't get it. I'm now sleeping really well :)

Hi Arcadia good to hear from you! Sorry you had a bad night but it is hard to be on your own at night but sounds like you're coping well.

The sleep thing is still there but compare now to this time last year? I think we're all doing really well x

Boo everyone!

I had another CBT session to work with my balloon phobia yesterday and I had horrendous dreams last night (and in fact after the previous session). Is this normal?

How are you all sleeping? GetDown how are you doing? Not too long now!!! Do you know what you are having or do you have a gut feeling? I knew with all of mine that they were boys, just by my gut feeling.

Hi everyone,

Sorry i've been away for so long, things have been a bit difficult here. I hope everyone is ok? Becky sorry you've had a blip, i'm sending you a big hug getdown glad to hear all is ok, I bet its a boy!

I've split up with my fiance and have run back home with DS to my mum, oh dear. We are now sharing a room and DS has taken to waking up in the night, pulling his cot bumper down and laughing at me (its kind of cute actually)

Tonight I am going to sleep on the lounge floor as 3 weeks of being repeatedly woken is beginning to get both me and DS down.

I am also back at work but have had to take a week off as DS got chicken pox! Only 2 weeks in nursery and he gets chicken pox but its not been too bad, touch wood.

I've been doing ok with my sleeping but I am now struggling abit as DS is waking more and I feel myself getting anxious. The other night I couldn't sleep so I took half a zopiclone but I haven't needed to do that since, touch wood.

Lots of Love and PSTs to everyone else!

Oh holly it's nice to hear from you, but I am so, so sorry about you and your fiance splitting up I hope you are ok? You sound incredibly strong. It must be very difficult moving back in with your mum, but at least I hope she is helping and supporting you through this difficult time.

Are things amicable with your ex? I hope he is being reasonable and still pulling his weight re care for DS? What happened? Understand if you don't want to talk about it though.

Well done you for keeping sleep under control. It's no surprise that it will be disrupted sharing a room with DS and also all the stress of the break up but you sound like you are holding it together.

I am doing well thanks, am now 26 weeks pregnant and apart from the odd bad night, the sleep has been pretty fine! I use Paul Mckenna still occasionally which still helps me. I used the CD last night and didn;t hear the end so must have got off to sleep within 20 mins or so - which is great given that it used to take hours. The only problem at the mo is waking up to need a wee! I find it tricky getting back to sleep after getting up, especially as it gets light so early now! This morning for instance, it was getting light at 3:30am!!

Hope everyone else is doing well. I think I will be needing this thread and all your lovely support come september!! So please don't disappear people! xxx

GetDown of course we will be here for you if you need it, which you may very well not as you are so good at managing sleep problems now.

Holly it is great to hear from you and I am so sorry to hear about you and your fiance splitting up. It sounds like you've had a really tough time and you've got a lot to cope with xx

I feel really happy at the moment. I have so much going on and so many things to think about - but I like being busy. I'm not happy about my up and coming birthday this Christmas though - I'm going to be very old :(

Your birthday is still 6 months away becky Is it the big milestone one?

Has the broodiness eased now?

Thanks re. the support. I know you guys will be here to talk to, it's very reassuring. I know when I'm well I can generally cope with sleep issues. But I think when it goes on for days or even weeks, I kind of go to pieces and none of my normal strategies work..... I shudder when I think of those days. Getting up in the morning after zero sleep and not knowing how I would make it through the day

REally pleased you are busy and happy at the moment! That's great to hear.

I realised this not working thing is making me spend lots of money Online browsing (and then shopping) is getting expensive!

Just bought some gorgeous washable nappies! I love them. Keep getting them out to feel them, they are so soft and lovely. I've even been practising by putting them on a teddy

getdown how can you even ask whether we will be here for you?

becky it's only a number you know!!

holly big hug

Sorry madmouse I know. It's just this thread has been very quiet lately No bad thing.

Hi all, this is a long post, you might want to skip it but if you want the break up info please read on:

Where to start on the break up, hmm. Well Tim is a lot older than me and he really wanted a baby so I agreed to have one. We had several attempts that went very wrong and then DS came along, great! Or not so great because the moment DS came along Tim decided he wasn't that interested and basically i've pretty much been a single mummy. He was awful whilst I was pregnant and I remember being in tears most of my pregnancy worrying about whether things were going to be OK. I spent the last 2 months of my pregnancy in and out of the hospital because the doctors thought DS was too big, (he was only 7lb5oz in the end, all that stress and worrying for nothing.) and Tim never took me or picked me up so I was having to use buses all the time. During my labour he sat in the corner with his i pod in and then shouted at my mum for taking over, the poor women was just trying to help me, I couldn't have done it without her. And then when I did finally have his beautiful baby in my arms he didn't want to know. But I could kind of understand that because it can be hard for dads.

But then he lost all interest in me too. He started being really lazy round the house and then lost interest in looking after himself too. I kept trying to gently tell him that things needed to change and then I told him to his face that things really really had to change but nothing worked and I suddenly realised that I didn't love him anymore.

Then my maternity pay ran out and I had no salary and he started to get reallt nasty about money. He's on a good wage and it was only for a couple of months plus our families were helping us out but he started to expect everyone else to stuff for DS which really upset me. he has also had the child benefit paid directly into his account every month since we started claiming it.

And then the final straw ladies: We had run out of nappies and baby food and I said that we needed to go get some. He refused point blank to go and buy his son nappies and baby food for his own child. How awful is that? That was it. I left a few days later.

Touch wood things are ok between us and he is even having Zac one night a week. Its a shame he wasn't like this to begin with but there is no going back, I don't love him anymore and I can't forgive him.

Plus, if i'm honest i'm actually enjoying being single again, oh the freedom!

getdown Very excite for you, I am feeling so broody at the moment as my friend has just had a little girl, might go down the sperm donor route. We will always be here for you. Will pass on my email if you want so you can always get in touch

madmouse thanks for the hug, i'm sending one back.

becky we should do something fun for your birthday, alton towers anyone?