Insomnia friends; bye bye 2010 the year of bad sleep, hello 2011 the year of good sleep!

[BeckyBendyLegs]

How about this then everyone?

Hi becky hmmm not sure I'd like the sound of "global" in my DH's job title either.... BUT, I suppose a lot of stuff can be done "virtually" these days through internet, skype etc, especially if it's IT stuff! So don't panic.

My DH went for a job a while ago which would have involved international travel one week out of every three - he was offered it, but turned it down in the end because of being away so much. I was very relieved!

Sorry to hear you are working so hard. Is it fairly seasonal (i.e. will it calm down again in a month or so)? Must be hard with you both so busy at work. Hope it's not affecting your sleep too badly?

I must say, I feel a bit lazy at the moment, having given up work but with a fairly easy 3 year old who goes to nursery some of the week Just trying to enjoy it for now as I know it's going to all kick-off big time come september

Have to have monthly appointments with the perinatal psychiatrist. She wants to "keep an eye on me". It feels really odd going back to that place. Especially when I feel well. I realise now how ill I was back then - my perception of the place was so different. Feel a bit of a fraud going in to see the psychiatrist so often and feeling so normal! Lets hope it continues. She wants to put me on "prophylactic" medication as soon as I give birth. I am not keen. But on the other hand, I don't want to get ill again and them say "I told you so". Hmm. Still, got quite a bit of time to go before I have to worry about that.

Hope the rest of you are ok x

DH has been offered the promotion to 'global bla bla something computery'. He's in Leeds at the moment. Not back until everyone small is in bed. I'm a single parent at the moment. We need to talk!!!

GetDown no one is going to say 'I told you so' to you if (that is IF in capitals) you get poorly again. If you do, it will be beyond your control and I think that if you do, you will see the signs, and you will handle it and deal with it and things will be so different from last time. That's my opinion anyway for what it is worth :)

Thanks becky yeah I know no one would say "I told you so" if I got ill again, it's just if I ignorned their advice and THEN got ill again.... they might be a bit pee'd off with me!! Ah well. Still in denial really.

Sorry about the job promotion - global sounds particularly crappy. I hope you can have a good honest talk with DH. The boys are his kids too, and it's not fair on you to just think you will pick up the pieces all the time whilst he is half way across the world. On the other hand, think of the £££.

My DH is off on a flight to Abu Dhabi not back till sunday. I know I will manage. But it is HARD! I feel like I haven't really stopped today has just been rushing from one thing to the next. DD is now in bed and I haven't even walked the dog I think the dog will have to come last on my priorities tonight as I can't leave the house now. Sorry dog.

Hi GetDown. For what its worth i think its a really good thing that you are being seen regularly. A bit like if you take an umbrella out with you and then it doesnt rain !

IF (and like Becky Im saying its a BIG if) you had PND again it just means that you would get help quicker which is all good. I dont know if this is any use to you but I know two people who had severe PND (as mine was) and then went on to have another child. The first had absolutely no recurrence at all. The 2nd DID get it again - but it was picked up very quickly and was in no way as severe as the first time . (she is now a (brilliant!) PND counsellor) x

Hi kizzie thanks for your encouragement. I know it is good that they are seeing me regularly. Right now I feel so well, I can hardly imagine how I will get ill again, but I know the chances are quite high. It only takes one bad night for me to sense that "going downhill" feeling. And I know sleep isn't exactly in abundance with a newborn! We shall see. For now, I am just going to enjoy feeling good!

How are things with you, have you stabilised on your lower dose now?

Oh my we're on the second page!!! I'm in Wales, DH is in Brussels. I'm not sleeping very well because I always struggle with the responsibility of being in charge without DH to fall back on :( I need a hug please!

How is everyone?

Hugs to becky.... I am not sleeping very well either

I have been doing a kids holiday club all week and am s.h.a.t.t.e.r.e.d.

Soooo tired. But so manic in my head that I've not been able to sleep Kept waking up last night, and then was awake between 3:30 and 5:30. Grrr.

Horrible.

I think it is so hard to sleep when you are wired up with the day's events. Even before I had DS3 I used to have that problem (I just didn't stress about it before).

We've had a lovely day messing about on the beach. I do like holidays, I just wish they weren't stressful as well as relaxing. Can they be both?

Hi Becky and Getdown and everyone else - sorry for the bad sleep. Given up worrying about mine, seem to get enough to get by, just. Just wish there were not so many nightmares and dreams..

Being wired makes it very difficult to sleep. My absolute pet hate scenario is sitting on the sofa out and out tired yet far too wired to go to bed. Valerian tea helps sometimes.

I'm sleeping much better again now :). In fact the last two nights in the caravan I slept so well, better than I've slept in 18 months. On the last night DS1 woke me up at 1am with 'knee ache' and I was in a deep lovely dreamy sleep. I was not best pleased to be woken up! He slept in my bed with me after that.

Anyway, hope everyone is well and happy.

GetDown I hope this week is a bit more relaxing for you or are you still doing holiday club?

Hi becky glad to hear you had a good time at the caravan and have been sleeping really well. Perhaps getting away from the stress of work was what helped. Was DH with you?

Not doing holiday club this week - is my first proper week of not working without any major commitments.

I don't know why but I've been feeling really emotional - particularly in the evenings. Just seem to be on the point of tears the whole time, like I could burst into tears any moment.

I have a friend who is due the same time as me, she lives 2 minutes walk away. We used to meet up all the time. But lately she has been blanking me, cancelling arrangements to meet up at short notice, not replying to messages. For some reason this has really upset me and I just don't know what to do about it. DH thinks it is not deliberate but that perhaps she has just been really busy or even just a bit inconsiderate. He's probably right, but I just feel a bit rejected and sad about it. Particularly when we've got so much in common right now, and I don't understand why she doesn't want to meet up.

Also things aren't that great with my mum. It's better now that she's not coming to stay every week, but I feel like having had that arrangement for over 2 years, something has fundamentally changed in our relationship. I used to ring her all the time just for a chat, but now I just don't want to My emotions over it all are so complex, and I don't even understand myself what is going on. I wonder if it's something to do with the PND and feeling resentful towards her for basically taking over DD / caring for me / caring for the house during that time. Something in me just wants to be independent and prove to myself I can cope on my own.

What is really worrying me is September - DD is starting nursery school, and the baby is due on the 14th. I don't know what we are going to do in terms of childcare arrangements for when I go into labour. I think my mum staying is probably the only option, but I am scared it will get me really stressed and angry and off to a bad start. I really want to be so chilled out in the postnatal period to stand any chance of not getting ill again.

Sorry this has turned into such a rant. Having a bit of a lonely day (no friends around today) and felt like "talking" to someone!

Hope everyone else is ok xx

GetDown you need a hug . That's a lot going on around in your head at the moment.

Your friend may or may not be blanking you. There is no way of knowing. If it were me I'd probably send her a text or email asking if everything is ok and say you really want to get together as it's been a while or something. I hate the not knowing and if someone is upset about something to do with me I need to know and to clear it up.

The mum thing is a really tricky one. I have a similar thing with my mum as she came to 'rescue' me after DS3 was born and I stopped sleeping and I feel sort of resentful about that too. I can see why you feel determined to prove you are going to cope. That's good though, that you want to do that. That's a positive thing! Will your DH take paternal leave? So you don't need your mum for the first couple of weeks then maybe.

Your emotions are bound to be everywhere as your hormones are all churning around. Be easy on yourself xxx

By the way DH wasn't with me in Wales - he was in Brussels!

Happy Easter my sleepy friends!

Hello everyone, this thread has been sooo quiet which is a GOOD THING! Means we are all sleeping really well. I've been sleeping really well although last night, the night after another really good CBT session, I couldn't sleep and it wasn't because I wasn't sleepy enough, I was, I was just 'stopping' myself again. I don't get it really. But I did use the ipod and went to sleep but feel cross with myself this morning.

I have to say that this CBT lark is wonderful. But yesterday I came across as doing really well so perhaps that is why I messed it up last night? He's also going to help me with my phobia of balloons. I'm really nervous about that though as it does involve exposure which terrifies me. He claims it is a very successful method and that it is very gradual. Ho hum. We'll see. I have definitely become a less anxious person in general since I started and the sleep generally has been much better. I think partly this week is a busy week and I've had two weeks of school holidays which have been lovely and relaxing and then bam! We are back to running around in the mornings and it's hard work.

Hope everyone else is ok :)

I was feeling really broody until last night when I watched a programme about multiple births on BBC3 - not any more! One poor woman had two older children, a ten month old daughter and triplet babies. She looked absolutely exhausted.

Well we had a terrible night :(

DD was screaming - literally screaming - in pain all night, poor thing. She couldn't get comfy at all.

I ended up giving her a bath at 2am in warm water mixed with oats. It seemed to ease the itching a bit, but she was awake again a couple of hours later screaming.

This week is going to be a long week

Sorry didn't say it's because of chicken pox

Getdown sorry it's so hard for you right now - it must be tough dealing with sleepless nights with a sick child when you're pregnant too. Hope it will be over soon. I found with ds that I was dreading it, hated it when it happened, and suddenly it was over never to return again! Don't forget that you can give piriton as well as calpol - it really helps. And try to look after yourself as best you can.

Becky sounds like you're doing really well. its normal for symptoms to start fighting back a bit when you tackle them, I have it with CBT for my eating disorder.

My sleep and mood are very up and down - some decent nights and then lots of bad ones again. Managing to be philosophical about them.

getdown sorry about your awful night . Only good thing to say about chicken pox is that at least it gets it out of the way. Hope tonight better.

Im like madmouse at the moment. Lots of ups and downs. Very grateful for the easier days/hours - but still not what i would call full stability on this dose. Still too many horrible times. Trying really hard with all the self help stuff though so hopefully ... x

I hope you and DD sleep better tonight - we had chicken pox last year and they were like dominoes - DS1, DS2, then DS3. And DS3 looked like a baby alien as he was covered head to foot. I think I was house bound for a month! But it'll be over soon.

Kizzie hello it is good to hear from you :)

what happened about your DH's job promotion offer becky?

Thanks Becky - I had that with my twins too. one had it and then exactly two weeks later the other got it. Amazing how it affects them all differently though. One was really really poorly but then his brother hardly even noticed he had it. Hope you all have good day

Getdown how are you and DD?

How is everyone else?

I'm tired - bad sleep and sick of battling stupid mindless anxiety - anxious that the old car would break down before the new one came, anxious that the new car is going to break down, anxious that ds has something more serious than a cold, anxious that I could definitely not cope with taking him into hospital, taking a dd of close friends to a concert tomorrow night and feeling anxious about the responsibility of driving her safely along a route I could do eyes closed (I know her dad would drive us but that is such nonsense) yadayada - all mindless stuff because actually there is nothing bad happening at the moment (unusually )

But yeah ds has a bad cold and i worried about his chest so while he only needed a bit of nurofen at 3 I was awake for hours fretting. And his chest is fine...

Hi there madmouse kizzie, becky and everyone else.

Have you reflected any more on the CBT stuff becky? I found it takes quite a while to sink in, you really have to work at it. I am ashamed to say I never really got my head round it, wish I had the mental energy to reverse those negative thoughts.

Sorry to hear about your anxiety madmouse - I know just what you mean. And the middle of the night everything seems magnified. I seem to wake up in the night quite regularly with a lot of physical symptoms - tightness in the chest, fluttery heart, sweaty, trembly.... but quite often I can't even pinpoint a reason or anything I am actually genuinely worried about. It's so annoying.

I have had a pretty bad week TBH. I think giving up work has knocked my confidence a bit. And staying in for a whole week with DD's chicken pox has made me very low. I've seen a couple of friends, but not for long, and I haven't been able to get to the shops. DH is working very hard - he is working all the days this bank holiday weekend, including sat (today) and sunday. He will be working the next 6 weekends as well, with no days off in the week. The thought of it is making me very low. We are kind of not on speaking terms right now too, and I just feel so very lonely

Sorry things are difficult Get Down. DH used to work a lot of weekends when DC were little and I hated it.

Do you think its worth getting lots of little things in the diary for you just to make it look a bit more manageable and less lonely ?

Hope tomorrow feels better x

Thanks kizzie yes, you're right, I do need to do that. It helps to have things planned.

How are you?