ok, I'm sliding a bit, the dark, the cold, the scared about money, head stones going up soon, christmas is expensive, I need some help and advice please

[TrinityTheTwattyRhino]

the first thing to go is the kids not going to school
they haven't gone today

erin is not supposed to be at mursery after a doc app on tuesday and she has a horrid cold and being 3 could do with a few days rest was what the doc and I agreed

dd2 is fine

dd1 does have a horrid cold but with som calpol could be at school

I just couldn't face it

leaving the house

driving
the cold
ugh I know I shouldn't have

but how do I stop doing it more

tbh all day every day I feel like I'm drowning and cant cope with doing it all

I wold love if I could pay someone to take and pcik up the girls from school for a coupke of days a week but thats just a pipe dream I'm sure

hows your weekend Trin?

Hey trinity, just wanted to see how you are doing. Do you need any more presents for gecko? Have some.books and stuff that ds has outgrown that are destined for charity...pm me if you are interested.

Has craigs girlfriend had the baby yet?

Hiya, you don't know me trin but I have looked through this thread and it makes me feel very sad that you are struggling on a daily basis at the moment. It is obvious you have been through a horrendous time at some point recently, and are still going through difficulties. It seems as if you are in dire need of some help at the moment. It worries me that you are attempting to cope alone. I'm pretty sure if you explained your situation to the council they would lay on transport to take your dcs to school. My db works in the schools transport dept of his local council and arranges this sort of thing. You mention some family and friends in your post. Are they not able to come over and take some of the practical stresses off you?

Do you really need to leave tips for the binmen etc?I've never done it in my entire life. No one will miss cards from you this year if you are not up to it. Just concentrate on looking after yourselves for the time being.

Trinity, I'm sorry if I have drawn any incorrect conclusions from this thread and have got the wrong end of the stick. It's just that you sound as if life is a battle for you at the mo and that your life is being made harder by this hellish cold. I'd love to be able to help you.

If there is anything I can do please message me.

hiya Trinity, I just wanted to say i have read this and am thinking of you.

lots xx

morning all
thankyou for thinking of me

spaceman, yes life is a struggle at the mo

I cant stand the cold and the dark and it always makes my depression worse but this year it feels completely overwhelming

my family live 450 miles away, my mil is crazy, my friends are all very busy and have already helped me so much when neil died last year
I dont want to be a burden to anyone

social services have been involved with me for years and since neil died have put my kids on the register because of the untidy and not clean state of my house
I got them off at the first opportunity from sheer determindness to clean up my act but to keep it like that is getting harder and harder

they kniw that weight would be lifted from me if someone could take my girls to school just a couple of morning a week but they just say there is no way that anyone could do that unless I ay for a taxi but I'm not interested in a taxi, my youngest is only 3, they need a childminder or just someone who is looking after them rather than just dropping them at the school pavement iyswim

It doesn't lok like an option so I will jsut have to keep on fighting to do it myself

I have a very close male friend who I have known fro years and years who is helping me with general things and my girls love him to bits

but he cant do the school run as he works

thankyuo fro your kind wishes

I still haven't gotten up the courage to go and see the geadstone which should have gnoe up on friday

I nearly did it yesterday but then I dallied and it got dark

obvioulsy i meant headstone and sorry for the masses or typos!!

Morning Trin - only go and see the headstone when you are ready, and maybe when it's not a blizzard from Russia :)

Hope the week is starting ok for you, I agree re the school run, would be lovely if someone else would do it, but i'm fussy and wouldn't hand over my DC to just anyone/random taxi driver either.

hi swimming
I know what you mean and I also know that the school run is a hactic time and a chore for everyone so I dont want to ask y friends
also I am about 3 miles away from the school and everyone else iyswim so I wouldl be taking themm waay out of their way

It is a pain isn't it?! Esp when it's cold out there and warm inside and you have to peel yourself off the sofa (or is that just me?!)
I suppose it forces me to get dressed & on with the day, if someone came and picked DS1 up i might not get anything done at all!

Hiya Sparkling,

You have a point there. Getting the DCs to school is an overwhelming pressure, but it does get you kick started at the beginnning of the day. Maybe that's how you should approach it Trinity? If you get yourself as organised as possible in the evening and then reward yourself with a sit-down or nap in the morning once the school run is done then it may seem more like an achievement rather than a grind.

Trinity; a few years ago I came across a charity which 'pairs up' a mother in need, with a local one 'buddy' that is able and willing to provide support.

I was going to join up but then went back to work so couldn't. I thought it sounded a brilliant scheme and could be just the thing for you.

Have you heard of this? I can't remember what it is called I'm afraid but I will keep digging if you like the sound of it. The person may be able to help with the DCs and help you stay organised in your house.

Trinity, it took my friend a while to go and see the headstone. In the end we had a little party to celebrate her husbands life, just a few of us and we all went to see the headstone together. His parents, my friend, the children a teacher from the childrens school and a few close friends. That made it all the more bearable for my friend. Is this something that you could do? It is more about emotional support i think.

Trin Just checking in, see how the cold's treating you? Ps my hair's still shite x

why is your hair still shite?

you were sorting it

we are very cold but doing ok

hi Trinity,
sorry, I don't know your background, just what I have read on this thread. So sorry for your loss.

I'm also so sorry to learn that social services really do go about harassing mothers about the tidiness of their house. I thought that was just an old wive's tale from the dark ages.
It's so arbitrary and ridiculous. You know, I live in a country where children don't have beds. My kids haven't got beds, just foutons (which is a kind of thin mattress on the floor). MY wealthy friend has got a bedroom each for her kids but she can'T be bothered so they all sleep in the same room on the floor together, sharing a fouton.

I'm so confused that someone, somwhere took it upon himself to decide that the tidiness of a mother's house reflects how much she loves her children.

I'm not a tidier, I also struggle to keep things tidy.
I can't get over the fact that the council has not offered a bereaved woman with three children a free cleaning service, but has instead threatened to take her children away.
Absolutely shocking.

Well... keep your chin up. YOu sound like a wonderful mother.

thanks sakura

well said Sakura.

bloody freezing here Trinity, hope you are warm and snug! just found the xmas ones!

Are you snowed in up there Trinity? Hope you're doing ok

spaceman - is that HomeStart?
I think we have pointed Trin in their direction before, but sadly they don't operate across the whole country (funding :()

Trinity, sorry you are sliding and feeling so crap. Anyone would feel crap at the moment with weather like this.
It is hard but you have coped before through worse, so you know you have the inner strength and resources to keep buggering on, as it were...
Take care of yourself, you are doing brilliantly, you really are!

oooh ooh we have xmas ones

thanks mollyroger

hi scooter, not snowed in but we have a three mile ice rink to town

Trin - you almost make it sound attractive :)

Hope you're doing ok.

Been to the headstone yet?

not yet, getting there

No rush :)

Hey Trinity, how are you doing? You must be in the only corner of Scotland that has not yet had loads of snow... My PILs are in Loch Maben.

Have you started planning Christmas for your girls? Tell us what you're thinking - is there anything we can help with?

need to think of somehitnghi venus

I've starting getting presents almost got all now

started to sort out the decorations

went to see the headstone and its not there