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Original poster

I think I need to be sectioned. Please can someone support me

107 replies

INeedHelpImDeseperate · 18/11/2010 11:27

I had a complete melt down last night. Completely lost it. Screamed shouted threw things smashed crockery and was violent towards DH Sad
I have no idea why. It stemmed from some thing trivial. I have been suffering from depression for years I think. I usually 'just get on with things' -I really don't have another choice. I have been to embarrassed to see my GP, have either cancelled appointments or made up a fictional ailment at the last minute I just cant tell anyone how I feel.

Today DH has gone to work as normal. I am numb, I know I need help. I don't know how to get help.
I rang my surgery but they have no appointments left. I want to just walk in and collapse in a heap and ask for someone to please please make me feel normal. I can not cope. I am not coping. I want to curl up and sob and sob and sob. Or just walk out the door and keep walking until I dissapear and become invisible.

OP posts:
neverenoughMEtime · 19/11/2010 09:45

Well done you for going to the surgery!!!! Grin
Ive been there, dragged myself to the surgery and sat/paced in the waiting room feeling totally crazy, detached and in a state of sheer panic while listening to the claming classical music they play in the waiting room, and seeing everyone just sitting there normally, getting on with their lives...it is all so surreal and overwhelming isn't it. I felt ike they would section me too!!

I also think you will be tired today, it is a huge weight that has been lifted, you need time to rest now if that is possible.

It is all uphill from now, you have done the hardest bit, and it is going to take time but you will get there!!

Keep posting!! Lots of us have been there you are not alone xx

bumpybecky · 19/11/2010 09:45

Ineed have a great big hug from me too. You're being really brave. Be kind yourself xxxx

Original poster
INeedHelpImDeseperate · 19/11/2010 10:00

The crisis lady is meant to be here at 10.00am I said I didnt think Icould cope with going to the hospitial, i just woulnt have shown up.
Am feeling very panicked, this isnt me, i never panic im always the one that everyone else relys on. oh god what have i done? im going to fall apart again in front of her. and my kids are here, ive always kept it together in front of them. god pleases dont let her be late i cant handle that.

OP posts:
GlynistheMenace · 19/11/2010 10:00

Hi Ineed

I too have been in a very similar place as you have described here, so couldn't let your thread go without sending my very best wishes and huge hugs {{{{{}}}}}

You've taken the biggest step, that's fabulous. Please keep posting, there are lots of 'us' out here for you

neverenoughMEtime · 19/11/2010 10:11

The pressure of "keeping it together" is making you panic, it is ok to get upset and the lady will probably expect you to!

Good luck, i hope she has arrived by now. Let us know how you get on x

BabyValentine · 19/11/2010 10:13

Just read your thread, Ineed and I am so very, very impressed by your bravery at the surgery.

I have no real experience of mental health issues, but you have taken an enormous step and should be so very proud of yourself Smile

You have asked for help, and that is a massive hurdle to get over. Hope your crisis meeting is going well. Be kind to yourself.

(Hope DH is being supportive - perhaps show him this thread so he understands a little more?).

Chandon · 19/11/2010 10:22

well done for going, glad your GP took it seriously.

Just wanted to say I am still here and thinking of you!

Suchanamateur · 19/11/2010 10:23

Let us know how your crisis meeting went. I hope you did fall apart a bit with the crisis woman- it's what she's there for. As Neverenough says, 'keeping it together' sounds like part of what is piling on such unbearable pressure. Don't worry about losing it in front of your DCs- as long as you can hug them and reassure them after, they will be fine.

I saw my Mum struggle with depression and part of what helped (and ensured that I sought help quickly) when I suffered was her having been so honest about what she was going through. I was older but I truly believe that children can sense repressed darkness a sometimes it is better out.

ohforfoxsake · 19/11/2010 10:52

I hope your meeting is going well.

You are taking control of your situation - and that is the first, and very important step, in coping.

It is going to take time to heal, allow yourself that. But you are on your way.

Very well done. Smile

MumInBeds · 19/11/2010 10:53

Just caught up again, I am glad you made it and your GP took you seriously.

Like other people have said, depression is an illness, it's thought to be related to the chemicals in your brain - you can't be at fault for that any more than you can be at fault for catching a cold or breaking your ankle.

If your dh is anything like mine he needs to hear that it is not something you, he or anyone else has done - it is a physical change. (And also if he is like mine that's a scary thing to come to terms with as it means it could happen to anyone).

I hope the crisis meeting has gone well and you continue to get help and support.

Original poster
INeedHelpImDeseperate · 19/11/2010 11:11

crisis man and lady just left. dh is coming home to have dc and im going for a walk before gp appointment. feel better for talking to lovely man and lady, no tears suprisingly. need to get some fresh air befor going gp. thank you all. will be back later. x

OP posts:
arfasleep · 19/11/2010 11:12

Wanted to add my best wishes too and well done for getting through GP appointment, thats first step. I remember my first appointment too and sitting in witing room getting more & more stressed, I remember seeing a spider crawl out from under a chair and it calmed me a bit to think of nature (helped me to forget all the other people 'getting on with their lives'), although realise seeing spider may add to panic for some people (smile).
Hope goes well with crisis nurse, I have found mental health nurses to be extremely helpful, supportive & down to earth.

chocoholic · 19/11/2010 11:34

Well done, you've got so far in just one day. You are an absolute star for overcoming all those terrifying things and pushing through.

It still might not feel like it, but you have made such an important step forward. Good luck for your appointment this afternoon.

LittlebearH · 19/11/2010 11:40

Well done you. You have done a brave thing. I had to go through a similar thing recently. After seeing the GP things have improved greatly. They will for you now too.

You are not the first person to need some help and support. You have made the hardest step.

Good luck and keep posting!

ShittyBangBang · 19/11/2010 11:47

Well done for taking the steps to getting help.

Good luck, there are people here who can offer tons of supports and who will be a listening 'ear'.

InvaderZim · 19/11/2010 11:53

I just wanted to add my support. Depression is so very difficult, especially if there are people relying on you. I am so proud of you for making that leap, seeing the GP and getting help!

It will get better.

tallulahpolly · 19/11/2010 13:39

Just read your posts. INEED you are very brave to take the first step. DO NOT start pretending everything is ok again. I did this for years and finally got help last year. Been on medication for a year and feel like a new woman. No need to feel ashamed or that you are not worth helping,everybody needs support sometimes, some people need it more than others. Some people have physical illness they need help with, no one thinks they are not worth it. Hope your husband can learn to understand,try and tell him what you need,maybe sometimes a hug and no questions will be enough. maybe you will need more. do not be afraid to ask him.good luck.

Original poster
INeedHelpImDeseperate · 19/11/2010 14:39

Ok I'm back. Had a lovely walk along the beach before my appointment, sat and watched the sea going in and out and just 'let go'. There was no-one around and it felt so good to sit on the pebbles and just cry and cry Blush
I took my time and composed myself before going into surgery. Luckily they were running on time so I only had to wait 5minutes.

Was fantastic. He talked through a lot of things to me, and made me feel reassured that I will feel normal again but I just need help for a while. He's prescribed Anti-depressants that will also help with the anxiety, and also given me a supply of stuff to help me sleep.

I have to go back to him on Tuesday, and will see the crisis people in between, apparently they are going to phone again tonight to arrange when I want to see them.

I'm sorry for the essay, but it feels so good to be able to 'talk' to other people who understand. I am really appreciative of your support, especially when I'm sure some of you are feeling far worse than me Sad

OP posts:
midnightblues · 19/11/2010 14:42

INeed I have followed your posts. I'm sorry for the essay??? Then you haven't read any of my posts!! I find talking on MN the BEST thing. You can open up as much or little as you like, without worrying as we don't know you, but are here for you.

Keep talking. It's wonderful that your GP is being supportive, and now that you have made the first move, I am hoping you feel supported and a little more centred.

And you deserve to talk here, and be listened to so please don't feel you are being selfish, you are actually being caring towards yourself. It's totally different.

Eleison · 19/11/2010 14:47

INeed, I'm so pleased that you have had such a constructive response from the health service. It really does sound helpful -- and the fact that they provided it (they don't do it at the drop of a hat) is testimony to the fact that you needed and deserved their care and sympathy. (Hopefully your DH will be able to see this more and more: I'm sure it is a hard transition for him, but he needs to learn that you need care and tolerance.)

Going for a walk was a wonderful idea. If you have been having diffiuclty sleeping then that in itself will be making you feel absolutely awful and unreal on top of the depression. So being able to sleep better might take the edge off the awfulness a bit while you are waiting for the anti-D's to kick in.

I'm glad you feel quite good now: if you have some down times don't despair: you are still on the right course for things to get better and better.

xx

thirtysomething · 19/11/2010 21:07

Have read the thread throughout the day and just wanted to say how much I admire you.

You have been amazingly brave and strong in asking for the help you need and deserve. You are doing the absolutely best thing for you and your family.

As others have said, it won't be all plain sailing from here but if you are able to take each day as it comes then over time your cloud will lift and you'll be able to enjoy the little things again.

All the very best xxx

marriednotdead · 19/11/2010 22:30

Hiya. Your day certainly sounds a lot more positive and constructive than mine Smile

Am really pleased that you have accepted the help you need. Your mental wellbeing is just as (if not more) important as your physical health and sometimes it takes a crisis to make us realise.

One thing that was puzzling me during my early dark days was why had it happened then? It was explained to me that often our minds hold onto difficult things until it believes we are strong enough to deal with them. Some may disagree but at the time I had been happy and settled so it made sense for me.

I hope your DH can give you the support you need, in whatever form.
You deserve it.

LittlebearH · 20/11/2010 12:04

Well done you!!

Keep on talking. You are on the right track to feeling better. Hang in there and I wish you all the best.

tallulahpolly · 20/11/2010 16:42

Really glad you are getting the help you need. It is a frightening when you feel 'out of control' of your actions and emotions, but hopefully talking to your doctor, the crisis team and us will enable you to take back some control of your life. take each day at a time, and take small steps to feel better. I bet when you read this thread in a months time you will notice a difference in yourself. I hope so anyway.take care.

MittzyWithTinselOnHerBittzys · 20/11/2010 16:54

Also thinking of you INeed... you are describing a place that I have been and have taken a long time to come back from. But I am getting there.

I wish you all the very best and like others say admire you for your remarkable bravery in posting here and reaching out.