I think I need to be sectioned. Please can someone support me

[INeedHelpImDeseperate]

I had a complete melt down last night. Completely lost it. Screamed shouted threw things smashed crockery and was violent towards DH
I have no idea why. It stemmed from some thing trivial. I have been suffering from depression for years I think. I usually 'just get on with things' -I really don't have another choice. I have been to embarrassed to see my GP, have either cancelled appointments or made up a fictional ailment at the last minute I just cant tell anyone how I feel.

Today DH has gone to work as normal. I am numb, I know I need help. I don't know how to get help.
I rang my surgery but they have no appointments left. I want to just walk in and collapse in a heap and ask for someone to please please make me feel normal. I can not cope. I am not coping. I want to curl up and sob and sob and sob. Or just walk out the door and keep walking until I dissapear and become invisible.

I'm here - don't panic!

I have nothing helpful based on personal experience, but I'm more than happy to chat.

You're doing absolutely the right thing.

I didn't mean don't panic because I'm here - that would be far too ego-centric!

I meant - don't panic, there are people here!

IME I find that dwelling on what I'm going to say to the doctor often makes it worse. Just try not to think about it until you're actually there.

I am following your thread. You are very brave and should be proud. You are making a huge step to overcome an illness. You should not panic or feel ashamed

Big hugs x

Hang in there. You have written down how you feel. That is brilliant. You can take it with you as an aid, and even show it to GP if you want to.

If you are so used to putting on a front it is scary to think of doing otherwise. Don't think you have to be able to explain everything all at once.

Just show up and let the GP take the lead. GP will see how distressed you are and will put things in train ( i.e. hopefully refer you for counselling, and perhaps suggest anti-depressants)without needing you to be perfectly articulate about anything.

You're doing really well. Keep being brave for just a little bit long.
your GP will recognise how strong you've been to take that first step and ask for help. I walked into my GPs room about four months ago and basically collapsed in a sobbing soggy mess on the floor becae I was so overwhelmed with everything and so scared she wouldn't believe me and it turned out to be the best thing I've done. I did the same thing that was suggested earlier, say that yiou are scared/worried/nervous about being there and about how you feel not normal and that you need some help.

I'll be thinking of you at 4.20 and sending you good thoughts.

thank you. i had been reading but not up to posting again. am off to appointment now. please think off me xx

Good luck at the docs. Come and tell us how it all went x

Hope it has gone well!

Just seen this - hope you are ok, you are very brave.

I have gone through this, I could not tell doctor as too embarrassed. One night, like you, I lost the plot and threw plates and then threw a chair at DH and then locked myself into the loo banging my head against the wall, I wanted to stop being IYSWIM.

It was f*cking scary for DH ...and me, and DH who is lovely just did not understand, was angry with me.

I tried to talk to doc about issues, but was ashamed.

I also had periods during the day where I managed fine, so told myself to pull myself together.

Then sometimes i snapped, and just wanted to run away. I remember standing by the door thinking I would just start walking and walking until i disappeared.

Bit by bit things became better, but then I started getting panic attacks. I went to the doc when i was worried about chest pains and having periods of feeling unable to breathe, and feeling like my skin was on fire.

He diagnosed neglected PND, resulting in panic attacks. I was stubborn and did not want to take drugs. I wanted to go to the root of the problem, and change my life (not sure I recommend this).

So I became more "selfish" and got a child minder for 2 mornings a week, so i could go swimming. I started easing up about cleaning and cooking, took time off for me. I also talked about it with friends. I started asking for help on days I felt I could not cope.

Taking drugs might have been better! But anyway, I managed to get out the other end, but it took years of baby steps.

Don't be hard on yourself and get help.

Do it.

And keep talking to us, or anyone.

ineed, hope your appointment has gone alright.

deepdeepdown, if you feel that you need some support, then don't wait for it to get worse. the sooner you get help, the sooner you will start to recover.

Hope your appointment went well, I've been thinking of you.

I had an appointment at 4:15 for my flu jab and took the opportunity to look round the waiting room. We all come in such different shapes and sizes! There was no way of knowing why we were all there, but I know we were all there for help of some sort! Hope you got some answers and support xxx

Sending love and hoping it went well.

Thinking of you x

Hope the appointment went ok. Have been thinking about you.

Thinking of you too. Depression is such a difficult illness but remember it's not your fault and nothing to be ashamed of. It's a chemical imbalance and can be treated.

Hi all. I wasn't up to writing last night. I walked to the doctors surgery, and told them I was there. I then came over all panicky and went outside. I phoned a good friend (who lives miles away) and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed down the phone to her. I was a mess, I was in the pouring rain in a crumpled heap just so over whelmed. She did manage to calm me down, and stayed on the phone until I had gone back in.
Sitting in the chair in the waiting room was once of the hardest things I have ever done. Life just going on normally for everyone else, as I sat there desperately trying not to fall apart again.

It sounds so silly, but when my name was called, after waiting all that time, I froze. Physically and mentally, I just couldn't move. The receptionist had to come and walk me in.

The doctor was great. He let me talk and talk and talk, I found once I'd started it all just came tumbling out and I couldn't stop.
He gave me a sedative for last night, phoned the crisis team who rang me last night to organise an appointment for today, and he also make me another appointment with him today.

I'm feeling surreal again this morning, getting up with the kids making breakfasts and generally feeling 'myself' I think its because a weight has been lifted IYKWIM?

Thank you once again for all support and sharing your experiences its really helping me. I still feel so isolated and having you all to reassure and encourage me feels like a life-line I wouldn't other wise have.
Please please please will you keep posting?
I think today is going to be a hard day x

Just read all your thread. Well done for going. :)

Well done for taking that step, it can feel like the scariest thing in the world. I can remember walking into the doctors and collapsing. I felt like there was no point at all me being on the earth. The crisis team were fantastic. I saw them daily for about 2 weeks and then every other day, then once a week, until i felt i could cope on my own. 2 years down the line i am still under the mental health unit here but feel so much stronger.
My husband was terrified, he did not know what had happened to the 'happy confident' me once the mask had slipped. He still does not understand (and i think it is a very hard thing to understand if you have not 'been' there) but he TRYS to understand and has never once made me feel anything but loved. In a way that was almost worse as i knew i had love and yet i still felt like i did.
Please keep talking, please don't bottle it up, please don't feel ashamed. You are incredibly brave for taking that first step.
PM me if you want to talk some more, where abouts are you?

What a huge step, your GP sounds very supportive and now you will begin to get the help you need.

You know there is lots of support here and thebest thing is, there is usually someone around almost any time of the day or night if you need support.

Well done for taking the first step. I have been there and know how hard it is. I used to feel like the world was going on around me and I was looking down on it, I was going through the motions but not really there if you know what I mean. I had breakdowns and was in a terrible state but get help and you will get better. I promise.

What you are feeling is depression, it is an illness and it is not your fault. It also sounds like you have anxiety which will ease as you get treated for the depression.
You need to share how you're feeling with your partner, be as honest as you can be. Tell him how you're feeling and not coping and that you need his help. Even a hug when you need it can help a lot. If you can't talk to your partner then try to open up to a friend. I have a friend who had been through it in the past and she pulled me out of some of my darkest moments. Keep posting here for support. Don't feel alone, I know that sometimes you probably just want to hide away but if you can try to keep talking to people and get company around if you can.

You have done the hardest part, you have asked for help. Things will get better now.

Have to go to work in a little while but will check back in on you later. Thinking of you x

Hello Ineed - huge well done for what you did yesterday.

Keep posting here when you get a chance/feel like it. MN is a wonderful support and there are many posters who know how you feel.

We are here.

Hi INEED, I have just read this thread and wanted to add to the support you have here.

There's loads of us that have experienced what you're going through sadly, but you've taken the huge step of asking for help and am so pleased that you found the strength to do that.

My own meltdown was not dramatic, I just cried as if I would never stop inbetween going to work and looking after the DCs. That was 12 years ago and years of counselling worked for me.

My dsis had a meltdown a couple of years ago triggered by a change of job. I remember her constantly apologising and saying she felt stupid, that she wanted to run away or shake herself out of it, and many hours of sobbing phonecalls which is why your posts have brought tears to my eyes

Those are all normal symptoms of depression and you will get through this I promise.

Am about most of today so will pop in to check when I can.

Take care

It seems that it went well. Congratulations on getting in there when it was evidently so very hard for you. I'm so glad that the GP has responded actively and that you have two appointments today. Those might be easier to cope with, now that you have got over the hurdle of your first appointment? I do hope so. Can you phone your lovely friend again if things are hard? And keep posting here when you want to, of course.

I think you will be very tired today. These intense emotions take it out of us physically. Don't expect too much of yourself. You have taken the hardest step and the rest will come.

xx

Hi INeed just read your thread and like the others think you have done a great and brave thing. Admitting the problem and seeking help is the first step out of the darkness, even if the light still feels far away. Have you spoken more to your DH about what's going on? I know it's hard but the more you try and explain, the better he will be able to support you.
And, of course, keep posting here. There is a wealth of experience, sympathy and empathy to help you through.