I think I need to be sectioned. Please can someone support me

[INeedHelpImDeseperate]

I had a complete melt down last night. Completely lost it. Screamed shouted threw things smashed crockery and was violent towards DH
I have no idea why. It stemmed from some thing trivial. I have been suffering from depression for years I think. I usually 'just get on with things' -I really don't have another choice. I have been to embarrassed to see my GP, have either cancelled appointments or made up a fictional ailment at the last minute I just cant tell anyone how I feel.

Today DH has gone to work as normal. I am numb, I know I need help. I don't know how to get help.
I rang my surgery but they have no appointments left. I want to just walk in and collapse in a heap and ask for someone to please please make me feel normal. I can not cope. I am not coping. I want to curl up and sob and sob and sob. Or just walk out the door and keep walking until I dissapear and become invisible.

at the beginning of the summer i smashed up my kitchen :( a complete melt down that has been years coming tbh. I have seen the doctor ive got my anti depressants and sleeping pills and life is starting to even out. Tbh just being able to sleep in the first week was a great help. Be brave it will get better if you take the help. x

I cant I am on autopilot with two preschoolers. I am back to pretending everything is fine, I am changing nappies and making lunch like everything is normal. They cant tell the difference but I feel so surreal.
DH is disgusted with me. He doesn't understand at all. Im so ashamed.

Do you have anyone to look after your dc when you go to the GP?

I sat on the floor in the laundry room two nights ago, surrounded by clean, folded washing and sobbed and sobbed. DH thought I was having a breakdown.

Probably was, but it was his fault. I feel better if I know what my trigger is.

Not saying that to hijack, BTW, just to tell you INEED that I do it too. You are not alone.

I'm sure DH will understand better when you've got a doctor's 'version' to tell him if you known what I mean. Men are sometimes bewildered by emotions, but reassured by medical descriptions.

Try to be clear with him about how he can help you, practical things, time to yourself, or a listening ear before you reach melting point again. I remember feeling similar during a period of PND, feeling like DH must have been so disappointed in me, which he always denied. Now I think those might have just been my own feelings.

The doctor will be able to help you for sure, go easy on yourself til then
x

I am hoping DH will come home early. I have told him I need him to be here, I have an appointment at 4.20. He just doesn't understand how I feel. He thinks I just need to pull myself together. I think he hates me I totally lost it last night, I was vile, I am so horrible. Im so confused.

There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. This is an illness. This is what people have been saying to me for the past few weeks and it is only just starting to sink in. I also have two small dc and had my complete breakdown in half term. They watched a lot of tv that week but they loved it. Do what you need to to get through the day. What time is your appointment?

Sorry x-posted. He doesn't hate you, but he probably doesn't understand yet. He might be frightened. If you are normally a person who holds it all together and who appears to be a together person on the outside, then this is going to be out of the blue for him, whereas you have felt this for a long time.

I read somewhere that depression is a way of resetting our system, that it can teach us something about the way we were living before the illness struck, that somehow we need to change the way we were. I am not sure you or I are that point but I have writtem that down for the day I believe it.

You need to make sure and go to your appointment, even if DH isn't home early. Take DC's, if you are very distressed GP will hopefully ask a nurse/HV in to amuse them while you talk. Its important that you are seen asap so you can get help quickly. Would agree its unlikely you will be sectioned as you seen quite aware of your actions, try not to worry or focus too much on whats happened. Just do what you're doing, keep going on autopilot until you can speak to GP. Take care

It's possible to go into a mental health unit as a voluntary patient, most people in there have not been sectioned. It can be hard to get an admission though, and obviously it is disruptive - if things can get better at home, maybe that would be better.

How would you feel about your dh going to the appointment with you? Could a family member or friend have the children for an hour (even a teenager from down the road, it's only for an hour or so?) Would you feel able to talk? I have found the appointments I have attended with dh quite hard but they have always helped me understand a bit more of what he is going through.

Keep talking on here INEED. You're doing really really well, you will get through this, but you just need a little help ATM. You've got young children who you've been giving everything to, but now it's time to give yourself a break. You're not a horrible person, many of us break down at some point, and maybe it was good that your dh saw you weren't coping as well as you seemed.

I agree you MUST go to your appointment, even if you have to take your dcs with you. The surgery will be well able to deal with them

I think I need to go by myself. DH is coming home. He still doesn't understand though, and I just feel so drained. I have held it together for the DC today but I'm feeling so strange. I cant imagine i'll even know where to start. What if the Gp thinks i'm a fool? or what if I cant tell him? what if I lose the plot again? Oh god im scared.

Just wanted to offer some support, I'm so glad you called and made an appointment.

I hope that your DH will understand a little more once you've spoken with a doctor.

And also, as you've made this step yourself and you're aware you're not feeling as you should, I would suggest you won't be sectioned, please don't be scared of getting help.

Sorry, didn't see your last post.

I promise the doctor won't think you're a fool, you aren't a fool, you just need some help and support.

If you think you might struggle to explain yourself once you're in the appointment, try writing down now how you feel, and any questions you want to ask, and take it in with you.

You could even print out this thread... The doctor will have heard all of what you're going through before, they need to know all of the details though, so they know how best to help you. Please don't hold back, or try to underplay how you are feeling. Your appointment is your chance to begin to feel like you again.

INEED - here's a tactic that can be helpful to start off a difficult conversation (eg to get the conversation started at the GP). Start by stating the way you feel about the conversation - eg "I'm feeling very worried about this appointment and I'm worried that I won't be able to describe my problem to you" or similar.

This will mean that you've stated right at the beginning that you need to have discussed this 'difficult thing' before you leave, without actually having to start with any detail. And the GP will know that she needs to help you with the conversation, and will be prepared for hearing 'difficult things' from you.

Ineed - you won't have to tell the GP lots of detail, if you ccan tell him/her that you are feeling drained and can't cope, then the GP can ask you a few questions.

A GP will never think of anyone struggling as being a fool - every GP has seen people struggling many many times before.

Well done for making the appointment. Honestly, it won't be anywhere near as scary as you think. I've been there too, and you are simply asking for help, which is so important. Let us know how you get on.

Good luck Ineed.

As you have seen, many of us have been where are. I've been on citalopram for 2 years now and it was the best thing I ever did. Honestly.

I'm feeling very anxious about appointment. Thank you to everyone though you are making me feel better. I'm so glad you have taken time to help me, I really dont deserve it.

You do deserve everyone's help and support, good luck with your appointment, what time is it?

INHID, I'm kinda in the same situation.

I've been feeling desperately sad the last 5/6 months.

I cry almost daily and really ought to see my GP. My DP knows I'm feeling a bit down, but has no idea of the extent. I, like you, put on a "normal"(ish) act, but have so wanted to tell DP how I'm feeling, but can't. I feel like a failure and him coming to realise this will be too much to bare. I fear an outburst, like yours, is inevitable.

Is your appt 4:20 today?

I'm working myself up to calling my GP. I need help, too.

Ineed - once you start talking, things will flow. Have you thought about writing a few things down? You could take them with you to remind you.

I feel as though I could go to the GPs too, (I don't feel as though I need to, but maybe I should) but I'm being stubborn.

I'm glad you are getting support from this thread. I'm also glad you started it - for me.

Good luck with your appointment. You are taking a very important step in doing something very positive. As someone else said, once you have been to the doctors, DH will probably understand better because it'll be medical and 'official' - not just you needing to buck up and pull yourself together. At least you have us.

I'm really sorry for everyone elses experiences here
I hope you don't mind my posting being a bit all over the place.

I am feeling calmer and more rational now, I know I need to make sure I go to my appointment. But this is the point usually where I give myself a shake, pull my socks up and brush everything under the carpet.

When I was really upset earlier, I wrote a lot of things down. About how I was feeling, why I thought I felt that way and my thoughts about last night. My neighbour knocked on the door, and I managed to click back into 'normal' mode and I don't think she had the slightest clue about how I'm feeling. After she left, I realised reading back what I'd written it is not 'normal' and for me to still be 'putting on a pretence' is even weirder.
I'm not explaining very well. I hope that makes sense? Does anyone else feel like this? Sorry about the ramble.

Anyone still around? I'm starting to panic.

Deep breaths, you've done the hardest bit. Do you have a printer? Maybe printing this thread (or parts of it if you'd rather) out for dh and the doctor will be easier than saying it outloud.