Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will- Part II

[madmouse]

Help we left it too late the old thread is full!!! Hope we all find this one!!!

Hello all!
I had an ok-ish night's sleep. DS with a bit of a cold and fever, so he was up every two hours. But I managed to go back to sleep every time.

GetDown I hope your day improves.

GetDown I hope you slept better last night :)

I'm back to my stressful sleep - sleep nonetheless so that's good at least.

Been very busy - getting back to normal and work too. DS3 awake so got to go give him a cuddle and get him up.

How are the bedrooms / bathroom renovations going becky? Sorry you feel a bit stressed but at least you slept.

Thank you I slept much better last night. Feel so much calmer and more able to deal with stuff when I've had a good night.

I think the magnesium is helping.

Bathroom men were supposed to start yesterday but are now starting tomorrow so yesterday I was really stressed as they didn't turn up at 7.30am as expected and then I had to take DSs to school so I got stressed about leaving house in case they turned up while I was out. Sigh. Their excuse? The main bathroom man's mum was taken ill last week and he had to miss two days' work so is catching up and is two days behind. He'd lost DH's mobile number so had to email him to tell him but DH didn't check his home email until later on Monday morning.

Glad you slept better GetDown. The world is much brighter on a good night's sleep.

typical workmen!

I'm probably having my bathroom done next week Becky but I think I'll be going away for the week and staying with my aunt (together with DD) while it is done. I'll be homesick though!

Well a bit of a miracle happened last night and the night before - I slept through for 7 hours from 11pm! . I feel a bit tired as I have been awake from 6am both mornings (partly as I've been so excited to have slept through!) but at least I'm not lying awake in the night for a couple of hours. I need to get used to getting up earlier anyway and I thought that would stress me out but actually I think the early starts help the next night's sleep. By trying to top up my sleep in the morning it affects the next night.

Anyway I'm not counting my chickens but it's been amazing to wake up, look and my clock, and think the day is beginning soon!!!

arcadia that's brilliant!! Not waking up in the night makes such a difference to the quality of your sleep I feel. Also it's so nice to wake up and actually feel ready to get up, rather than still exhausted.

I do think you're right about topping up on your sleep by sleeping in, messing up your sleep the next night. In Paul McKenna's book I think I remember him saying that one of the single best ways to cure insomnia, is to just get up earlier! Sounds so simple, but it's true.

I always set the radio to come on at 7am regardless of whether it's a week day or weekend. I think it helps to establish good sleep / wake cycles.

Anyway really pleased for you long may it continue!

Hi all I'm back and

Haven't posted much while parents were here plus even though I had little sleep it was ok quality.

They've gone home now and I was restless and busy all evening. I'm emotionally exhausted and have a lot to proocess but I couldn't get to that last night so did shopping and chores from 7 till 12...

Had a restless night then woke up from an almighty wail at 6 - ds had managed to wiggle past the tiny gap between headboard and safety bar in his sleep and fallen out of his bed. He was ok though and soon soothed back to sleep - but that was it for me.

Feel down in the dumps and absolutely exhausted. Back to work after a week off and wishing it was Thursday so I could go to counselling instead.

Sorry - nice isn;t it - me coming back with a depressive dump like that. Will try to be more positive later

I am feeling a bit sorry for myself today

I seem to be yo-yo-ing between a terrible night of about 4 hours and then crashing with exhaustion the next night, terrible night, crashing the next etc.

It is totally horrible. Almost like my body is only allowing me to sleep every other night. Was awake till well after 1:30 this morning, then up again at 5ish

I have hurt my shoulder and it was so uncomfortable in bed last night. Had to get up to take paracetamol it was so bad.

To top it off DH has gone away to Germany today with work .

madmouse just seen your post. Sorry you are down in the dumps too

Sorry to hear you aren't feeling so good today Madmouse and GetDown. It's just such a roller coaster isn't it. Early last week I felt like a complete wreck and yet today all seems well with the world again.

Sorry about your sleep GetDown. I think you're probably still getting over that blip you had recently and are going to gradually settle back down again. The alternate night thing is horrible, but at least you are getting enough sleep overall. I do think that if we can just trust in our bodies rather then in the end we will relax about the sleeping. We seem to think it is our responsibility to make ourselves sleep, yet all we need to do is let ourselves sleep!

I had another good night. Did get up around 2.30 for toilet but DP was awake too so we think DD must have cried out. We often find ourselves both awake in the night and realise that she must have made a noise. I got back to sleep straight away and eventually got up at 8am - DP let me lie in again but I'll try and get up early again tomorrow.

Thanks arcadia - it certainly does feel like a rollercoaster. When I?ve slept I feel so good, on top of the world, can think clearly, concentrate on stuff, laugh enjoy life and be positive. I start thinking ?yes, I am ready for another baby?. Then I have a bad night and it feels like the world comes crashing down again and I start thinking all kinds of negative things like ?I will never be ready, I will never get off mirtazapine, I will never get better, I am stuck with insomnia forever etc.?

Another poster on here was saying how she was prescribed prozac and pregnant. When she went to pick up the prescription the pharmacist basically judged her and wrote ?dangerous? on the prescription, causing her guilt and anxiety to rocket. I think this may happen to me. I may settle it in my mind to take a low dose of mirtazapine if I were pregnant, but a judgemental pharmacist like that, or even a friend who didn?t understand and was shocked to find I was taking something, could send my anxiety into overdrive. I just don?t know if I could do it. Facing terrible insomnia and not being able to take anything for it, would be absolutely crippling for me. I keep fearing that I will take it, get pregnant and then there will be some new research study published saying it has all kinds of horrible effects . I know it?s unlikely but it still is there in the back of my mind. How could I live with myself?

I am also dreading this family trip to Cornwall next week. Nothing about it feels good. DD will have to sleep in our room as there isn?t a separate room for her, and I fear I will not sleep (her rustling around will definitely disturb me). I am already planning what medication to take on which night to try and ensure I get some sleep and therefore can ?cope? with my family without having a meltdown in front of them all and totally embarrassing myself. It?s really bad to constantly be thinking, ?what medication should I take to make me sleep?. I shouldn?t even need to think about it!! . Also things can get tense in our family, especially if we are all crammed under one (small holiday cottage) roof. My mum is already stressing me out with comments like ?what are we going to do about food, you need to bring your share, you need to get organised, you need to decide what you are going to do about packing etc. etc.?. It?s really stressing me. She is quite an anxious, over-prepared type (where I get it from) and the two of us together just seem to magnify our worst qualities.

Sorry for droning on and on. I know I am like a broken record WRT the mirtazapine / possible pregnancy / will I ever cope etc. etc. I am boring myself now

Glad to hear you had another good night arcadia that is very encouraging. Getting back to sleep straight away after waking in the night ? what a result! You are so right about trying to ?make? ourselves sleep and the terrible vicious cycle that creates.

GetDown ohhh you!!!! I agree with Arcadia that we need to trust our bodies to be able to sleep. You can sleep, you know you can, you can sleep really well. You need to keep telling yourself that over and over.

My sleep has been getting much better, or at least my anxiety about it has. I still have what I call 'stressful' sleep which is very broken sleep and early wakenings but it is sleep and it's sufficient. Fingers crossed it continues at least as it has been. I have an appointment for CBT referral tomorrow (which was made about 3 months ago) and this is just an initial assessment. I have no idea what this will be like, or whether they will consider me worthy of their help really.

Madmouse sorry you are feeling down. It is probs just the exhaustion and relief from talking to your dad. Take care this week be kind to yourself. It was lovely to see the selection of 'words' you got on FB in response to your status.

I'm painting my boots today (a picture of them, that is)! I'm really pleased to be painting again at the moment. After DS3 was born my mum kept saying 'you should do some painting' but I couldn't face it and I was too busy obsessing about sleep :(

GetDown I didn't see your post. Stop it now! You can have another baby. Ask DH to pick up your perscription for you. Who cares what anyone else thinks????? And who knows whether you'll be taking anything at that point anyway?

As for Cornwall - I know how you feel. I have a holiday coming up in half term. Me and three other friends and eleven children and I might be sleeping in the same room as all three DSs. I'm not thinking about it yet. One of those friends is a bit like your mum. She is stressing over food already and has written lists for packing, etc. I'm a pack-the-night-before type and buy-food-when-we-get-there type. I don't do planning because it stresses me out too much!

Better go, got to get DS2 from nursery :)

GetDown you will be ok :)

thanks becky

Got my CPN coming tomorrow. Will have to tell her I've been up and down, up and down (again).

Sigh

Getdown that pharmacist is out of order - I know they know a lot - but he didn't have this lady's full clinical picture. And once you get that far you, DH and perinatal specialists will determine the best way forward.

You know where I am dontcha - talk to me especially if you start feleing lonely or upset.

I'm a bit better - had a busy morning at work but go through it ok and just had my pedicure lady faff with my feet for an hour which I hated at first but it's bliss now

Ahhh I find feet fiddling strangely relaxing...

thanks madmouse

I'm not sure I'd like feet fiddling. Does it tickle?

I've just bought DS1 a new bike. I had promised him a new bike for having a good school report last term (and DS2 to get DS1's old bike). So, as you may have seen on facebook, we now have two bikes in the front room as well as a bath! Life is surreal sometimes. I also bought DS3 a helmet so I can take him in the seat in my bike - he looks so unbelievably cute in it.

GetDown how are you doing? Not missing your DH too much? Just think you can have the whole bed to yourself tonight and no strange clicking noises!

True, no clicking.

I miss him though

Getdown of course you miss him - that's a good sign..

What have you got lined up to get through the evening?

Becky I never thought I could relax because touch in general and someone paying detailed attention to me in particular are difficult but the lady who comes to my home is lovely. It never used to tickle as my feet were so calloused and hard, but today it really tickled!!

I'm exhausted - think I'm going to have to watch this, it doesn't feel good and I'm a bit worried about it. No chores for me tonight...

Good morning all, GetDown I hope you slept well. You DH comes back today!

I am sleeping now but not good quality - feel exhuasted this morning. Hey ho bad sleep is better than no sleep though.

Good morning.
I hope you all slept well.
I had to take some lorazepam the other night, which helped but did not feel great the next morning.
I did manage to sleep two nights in a row, only to be woken up around 4am by DS. Both times his pyjamas and bed were wet. I'd bought some new nappies on offer, but they are apparently rubbish...
My DH is going today for a month...

I'm sad today, just dropped DD off at nursery for the morning
It's one of her settling in sessions. She had an hour yesterday afternoon, but this morning she's gone in for four hours including her morning nap (hopefully) and lunch.
I was fine about the hour yesterday but this feels different. I suddenly realise it's the beginning of the end of our time on our own together. Time that I've sometimes found boring, frustrating, tiring and draining. I've craved time to myself. But now I'm in my house crying every time I look at one of her things and thinking how empty and quiet it feels without her.
And she gave me a look when I was leaving her - just a slightly questioning look that seemed worse than if she'd been screaming .
I'm actually lucky though that she is not a clingy baby. But it's still hard.

aww arcadia I do know that feeling... honestly the guilt and sadness fades over time. I don't have any guilt dropping DD off at nursery now

It's not the end of your time together, it is just the start of a whole new and exciting chapter. It gets sooo much better after the first year!

madmouse sorry I didn't reply yesterday - a friend came over in the evening, and I was so shattered by 10pm that I just went straight to bed. I'd changed the sheets so they were all lovely and fresh. I do find that helps sometimes.

Slept really well - hurrah! On 3.75 mirtazapine too (that;s a quarter of the smallest dose they make)

Saw my CPN just now. She thinks that I am fine again and doesn't want to see me for another month. Which I suppose is good. But just feels so random - if she got me on a bad day i.e. yesterday, her opinion would have been so different...

becky - hi! Did your DH have to go to london in the end? Am so glad mine will be back later. Have the builders started?

Hi there euphrosyne sorry to hear your DH is going away for a month that sucks. Don't feel bad about taking a lorazepam. It's great you've had a better couple of nights.

Getdown don't worry - I find it far more important that you had some company to get you through the evening!!

Euphrosyne - a month!!! That's long. Are you used to it? Or is it a one off?

Arcadia my ds has gone to a childminder from 10months when I went back to work and since Easter has combined nursery for two whole days with special school (including travelling without us by taxi!!)for two mornings from Easter. He is 2.7 now. I love him to bits but I'm happy for him to be away for blocks at a time and he loves it too. He's happy to go and happy to see us again, perfect. I find I'm a better mum in the time I do see him and it means things like Speech and Language happen at school and don't eat into family time. Give yourself time to find the new balance.

I had a really hard counselling session after a really bad night so I'm floored. More new memories came up while we talked and it was very painful. Been told to rest today so I'm trying. DS's physio due in an hour though, he's playing nicely by himself tired after school.

sorry to hear you had a really tough counselling session madmouse. Anything you'd like to talk about?

Hope DS's physio went ok.

I just had a friend over - her 7 month old had meningitus at 6 weeks old and is now having regular physio as they were worried about low muscle tone They told her at the time he may never be able to walk, but he's doing so well and meeting all his milestones