Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will- Part II

[madmouse]

Help we left it too late the old thread is full!!! Hope we all find this one!!!

Orangeflutie you'll be ok, I'm sure, I think taking things slowly is better than too fast. It sounds to me like you are doing very well at the moment, perhaps it is good to keep on that even-ish keel for a while and then see how you feel in a few months time?

Madmouse big, big hug I am thinking of you xxxx just good to hear from you, don't worry about not having anything to say.

Welcome Kibbutz and so sorry you have sleep problems too.

I slept well last night, until DS2 wet his bed this morning! He's asleep in my bed now. Now I'm up doing work before I have to get everyone up.

Orangeflutie - i have been in a similar position a number of times re. ad's. For me i have been very well on low doses in the past. Similar to you - 25mg of clomipramine which i think has equivalent doseages to dosulepin. Unfortunately for me I havent been able to withdraw fully - and each time ive ended up having to go back higher to get well again.

Im still trying to stabilise again on 50mg so at the minute really wished that id stayed on the 25 where i was very happy etc.

Anyway - I can totally understand your confusion because its so difficult to know what to do for the best. By the way I do know quite a lot of people who have managed to come off completely - so im not telling you my story to try and put you off trying . Good luck whatever you decide.

madmouse - i really hope today is easier x

Hello to all new people - sorry that you are struggling with sleep but at least this is a good support group!

Where's Getdown today? You ok? xx

ok I'm back - kind of - not feeling great but not in such a bad place as the last few days.

Getting angry at my last counselling session last Thursday really threw me and I got very low very quickly. Spent a day on my own at a retreat centre yesterday and discovered there was more anger there, mostly directed at God for Him not protecting me, which I found really difficult to cope with and I suddenly found myself back with 'What's the point of me being here, no one needs me'. I hadn't missed that feeling since it left me last time - my friend talked me out of those thoughts last night but it was very painful to talk about things which made me very upset. But at least I got some stuff out.

He left at gone 11 and I didn't make it to bed for another hour. And then I slept well considering! Finished at work for a week as my Dad and stepmum are due for a few days on Friday and I want to spend time with them.

But first more counselling tomorrow and that's not going to be an easy one....

welcome back *madmouse we were worried about you! Brilliant you slept despite all the stuff going round your head. I'm glad you got a chance to go to a retreat centre, that sounds like just what you needed. Also glad for your lovely friend who has helped you see that you ARE very needed and loved.

Welcome to Kibbutz Sorry to hear you have been suffering. You will find lots of sympathetic people here. We all know the hideous torture that insomnia can be.

I had another iffy night. Despite going to bed at 10:30 I was still awake until well gone midnight - this is the same as the previous night. So frustrating. I am not worrying about anything - just can't drift off. DD woke us up at 6 this morning by climbing in our bed, so I don't think I got much more than 5-6 hours. Been at work, and thankfully feel fine today - none of the horrible anxiety and nausea so perhaps 5-6hours is all I need, I don't know.

I've bought some magnesium tablets today as I remember becky saying they helped her. Going to try them tonight. What time do you take yours becky?

Am going out for a meal with two friends tonight, hopefully I won't be back too late. I find going straight to bed after a night out, with no wind-down time, is never a good idea.

Thanks everyone for your support. I'm still trying to work it out at the moment and feel a bit worn out thinking about it all.

Becky I might try magnesium too. I'm thinking at the moment that it's all worth trying. I had a word with my doctor about taking Vitamin D supplements too. She asked if I have oily fish twice a week and I don't so I'm going to try tablets.

Madmouse I hope today is better for you.

I take them before bed. I don't think their effect is immediate though - takes a couple of months to feel the calming effects I believe. I took them to help with PMT symptoms. They are supposed to help with sleep and I do find I fall asleep much quicker (when I'm not having an anxious night) than I ever used to. I take fish oil too, in the morning.

It's my tenth wedding anniversay tomorrow! Eeek. This time ten years ago I was worried that the guests would even get to the wedding as it was the middle of a petrol crisis and I was looking forward to a girlie night with my best friend / bridesmaid and my neice / bridesmaid (she was just 13 years old then). Oooh memories. I was wondering 'will I sleep tonight' then and I did - like a complete log!

Oh wow! Congratulations becky that's wonderful!! 10 years, eh?

And the petrol crisis! I remember that! I remember feeling sorry for people getting married at the time whose wedding guests weren't going to make it. Did they all get there in the end!

You did well to sleep the night before your wedding. I didn't sleep a wink the night before mine. But I was fine the next day... strange that isn't it. Just shows how so much of our negative feelings after no sleep are more to do with our thoughts rather than the physical symptoms...

What are you doing to celebrate?

Luckily the crisis just about ended that weekend but we did have brother-in-law driving up from Cardiff at 55 mile an hour all the way to conserve as much petrol as he could and people coming up by train instead of cars. On the Monday before DH and I had driven our two cars, with a few petrol canisters, to Northampton (we lived in Oxford) to find the nearest petrol station still open to totally tank up just in case (queueing up for miles to get the petrol too at 9pm at night!). It nearly was a disaster, but in the end a good time was had by all :)

I'm going to put on the dress tomorrow to see if it still fits - I'll let you know :)

No plans - DH is working from home so I might get a cup of coffee made for me or something beore I have to get everyone up for school... We might have a glass of wine with our tea perhaps! Oooh ooh.

Since tenth wedding anniversay is tin I've bought DH a tin of beans and a baking tray . I hope he likes his presents!

Hi guys, can't write much as my brain is soooo tired tonight. Just wanted to say that I ordered something called "Sleep minerals II" online, from a company called Nutrition Breakthroughs. Apparently it contains all kinds of magnesium, and calcium.... Good for sleep, as you know already. Unfortunately certain forms of magnesium don't assimilate or digest very well, and can cause heartburn :( I think it's quite important to find the right one :) I am so desperate now that I will try (almost) anything :( Good luck tonight ladies......

Happy anniversary for today becky!

How are we all this morning?

I slept ok last night, despite having gone out for a meal and had quite a busy evening. MAybe the magnesium helpded.

I feel sick...with excitement. I have a new bike!!!! It has a seat for DS3!!!! I'm going away tomorrow until Sunday and I don't know where!!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!!

wow lucky you!!

Oh Becky that is so lovely - all that cycling will make you sleep so well and not knowing where you are going for the weekend means you can't fret about how you will sleep when you get there xxxxx

Getdown how did you sleep?

Hi to everyone x

hi madmouse yes ok thanks, although had vivid dreams of forgetting someone's birthday and feeling terrible about it.

How are you doing now?

I'm trying to figure out what happened in counselling this morning and how forward.

And my dad and stepmum are coming tomorrow - they know nothing of the abuse or the illness it has caused me for the last year and a half and counting.

Wondering whether to tell my dad this time or be forever silent??

Sleep is sparse but ok - but just so exhausted.

Hi madmouse, I don't envy you your choice of telling or being forever silent. I told my parents when I was 19 ( am now 47 ) I would have to ask, has your dad been supportive and understanding of you in the past? I think a good question to ask yourself would be;"What do I want from my father, and what do I hope to achieve by telling him?"
Because there is a huge chance that he won't be able to deal with your "revelation".
My parents chose to "brush it under the carpet" when I told them. When I challenged my mother about her inaction a couple of years ago, and told her how angry and screwed-up I am because she chose to do nothing,I ended up breaking all ties with her, because I realized ( finally ) how emotionally inept she is and has always been ( my father is just her puppet :( )
Having said all that, I still wouldn't change the way I did things! I needed to be heard for the first time in my life :)
We become far too passive when we have been abused, although all we really do is turn the guilt and shame in on ourselves :( Which will eventually make us ill..... So, whatever you decide to do, NEVER regret your decision!!

Aghhhh.

Madmouse that's a big question, I don't know, I think only you can know what feels right to do for you. It depends upon your relationship with your dad and stepmum, I would think. I have a dad and stepmum too and I know that I would find it almost impossible to tell my dad if I were in that situation as he'd go to pieces, yet I could tell my stepmum, but not face to face (by letter).

I hope everyone has good sleeps over the next few days. I don't want to think about sleep! I don't want anything to spoil this weekend!!!! DH is putting my bike together and DS3 is having A Bad Day - rubbish naps. He's not happy. We're off to a birthday party later.

kibbutz I really appreciate that - thank you x

I have a lovely dh and a network of close friends who believed me before I even believed my own memories. So I have been heard and that is important.

The main reason why I may want to tell him is because it is so weird that he has no idea that this has happened or even that I have been very ill for a year and a half due to all this resurfacing.

Will see if there is moment that it feels right, if not I will keep quiet.

DH and my closest friend are concerned that I'm going to get hurt if Dad doesn't take it well as they feel I'm still fragile.

Hi madmouse, there will always be the risk of you getting hurt, and people close to you will fear for you, that's perfectly natural! But at the end of it, this HAS to be your decision. You must do what feels right for you :)
Sexual abuse ( by my brother ) has at times made me so sad, so angry, so weak, so strong....It taints how we see ourselves, and for as long as I can remember I believed I was a terrible person.
Do you feel like there will forever be unfinished business between you and your dad if you don't tell him? For me personally, I strongly believe that parents "owe" it to their children to share the knowledge of bad stuff as well as good......

Madmouse I hope today goes well for you with your dad and stepmum. I'll be thinking of you (wherever I am!).

Guys I slept really well last night despite extreme conditions that would indicate a bad night was about to be had: terrible nerves and excitement about today - where on earth am I going? And half a bottle of champagne with DH last night - usually champagne sends me to sleep easily but leaves me lying in bed from 3am onwards buzzing and hungover.

I'm nervous because it might be on a plane and I hate flying. I get really, really nervous and really would love to take a diazepam to calm me down if we are flying. DH keep teasing me and saying we're going to Wolverhampton, which would be fine, as it's just down the road. I'm also not happy about leaving DS3. I'm going to cry a lot when we leave him. He's my little baby.

Becky hope you have a lovely time wherever you end up. Try not to worry about leaving DS3. Enjoy the time with your DH:)

It's a good sign that you slept well x

becky - ooooooh how very exciting! Will you get a chance to leave us a message on here to tell us where you are???!

Who is having the DSs?

I had a lovely night's sleep last night! Asleep at 10pm, woke at 7am, dozed until 8am (thank goodness for CBeebies!)

I've got some spray melatonin which seems to really be helping

Hi GetDown.... Just wanted to ask where you got the melatonin spray, and what it's called? Thanks :)

Becky hope you are having a good time

How's everyone else? Getdown well done for the good sleep.

My dad's here and I'm playing the happy daughter. I want to blurt it out to him so at least I know I will never have to get stressed at the thought of him coming again....