Page 4 | My husband doesn't want anymore children

Kara344 · 2025-10-17T02:51:22+00:00

Hello all. I find myself in a situation I didn't expect to find myself in and with no one to talk to on the subject. My husband doesn't want anymore children and if I'm being honest I really do 💔 I hated being an only child as a child and I don't much like it as an adult. For me, it's been a very lonely experience and at times really hard. I'm not saying siblings are built in best friends because they aren't but there are benefits to them (someone to play with, someone to help with parents, someone to understand what it's like to have the parents you have). I'm heartbroken and I have made my husband aware of this. It's going to take time for me to come around to this idea but ultimately I'd never force a baby on someone who doesn't want one - I don't think a baby is a maybe thing. Can anyone share their experiences or give me an idea on how to cope with this change in my life plan? Please be gentle as I'm very emotional on the subject (maybe pathetic I know! But I just need time to adjust).

Dogaredabomb · 18/10/2025 03:26

UniversityofWarwick · 17/10/2025 09:52

Both my sibling and I would have been better off and only children. I’m vlc with them now and once my remaining parent dies will have nothing to
do with them again, which will be a huge relief.

Id concentrate on making your son's childhood as best it can be without a sibling.

Snap, and it's been a massive relief to get them out of my life. I longed to be an only child.

DogsandFlowers · 18/10/2025 03:31

ComfortFoodCafe · 17/10/2025 07:24

Siblings arent always a good thing, me & my brother fought like cat & dog when young and now as adults im lucky if he repiles to my yearly text message! Havent seen him in years & he rarely bothers with our parents (they have to go through his girlfriend to find out if hes still alive type thing.)
So please dont think there are always benefits because sometimes there isn’t.

that said if you would really like another child, you need to weigh up if you wish to leave your dh to find someone who does want more dc or very slowly, learn to live with it. X

Not just me then….🤣🤣

yogpot · 18/10/2025 07:09

banananas1999 · 17/10/2025 21:38

Imo its cruel to just have one child. So many memories and experiences will be missed out without sinbkibg(s) and one day when the parents are gone,that child can have no close family and be by themselves. I know an adult male whis parents who are getting older are his only relatives,distant ones are not in touch- im concerned what he is going to do the day he is by himself.

your husband is a selfish jerk

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What a fucking thing to say, @banananas1999.

I can see why you have that opinion though, you must be quite hard to be friends with so probably rely on blood relatives.

You are replying to a woman who is very upset and at this point uncertain and feels limited in choice and choosing to make her feel worse. Wind your neck in.

LameBorzoi · 18/10/2025 07:19

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/10/2025 02:53

Perhaps you should all read the OP's last update.

He "hasnt been happy for 18 months" despite not saying a word to the OP to indicate that, and we all know what that means.

Exactly what I was thinking.

Sorry, OP.

Bonmot57 · 18/10/2025 07:47

AskingForAFriend10 · 17/10/2025 20:12

It has been just over couple of years since he denied me another child and our sex life is basically non existent. Its not that I am doing it on purpose, I just have no desire to sleep with him.
There are other issues other than not having 3 children, but the lack of any intimacy is directly caused by that.

“Denied”? How can you be denied something that you aren’t owed or entitled to?

SingtotheCat · 18/10/2025 09:14

There are ways, OP. You feel what you feel.
For five years DS1 was an only child and then I had DS2. While DS2 was little he was adored by DS1 but then the age gap came into effect and they didn’t want to do the same things.
I did “borrow a daughter” of a good friend and neighbour who was in the house several times a week with only a 2 year age gap. It was a lovely friendship and my DS2 was never lonely or alone if he didn’t want to be.
You never know who will come into your life and fix the gaps is what I am saying.
DS2 is now an older teen and a very quiet boy, but he has the biggest circle of good friends, is always out and about and having friends to stay.
I know my situation is different from yours, but the point I am making is that my boys have very different interests and personalities, so DS2 made his own way and own bonds.

Zoec1975 · 18/10/2025 13:02

I totally get you,I was a only child,I hated it so much.i and my husband have five children,and I absolutely love it the hustle and bustle of a big family.my cousin was a only child too and she had six children.i think a reason why i had more was because,i was always lonely as a child and my mum worked all hours,and having my children meant lots of love and no loneliness anymore.sit down and talk or counselling maybe. All the best xxx

sittingonabeach · 18/10/2025 17:04

@Zoec1975 many children hate being part of a big family, and end up having an only or no children

Lolalady · 18/10/2025 18:01

I’m an only child and it’s never bothered me at all. I do have friends who are close to their siblings but there seems to be more that aren’t! You certainly aren’t doing your child a disservice by not giving them a brother or sister.

labamba18 · 18/10/2025 20:17

oviraptor21 · 17/10/2025 08:09

Yep. Ignore that unhelpful post.

I think counselling for you both. He is being extremely unfair.
I was in a similar situation many years ago. Luckily about a year later a friend of his (nothing to do with me) made him see the error of his ways. I'm eternally grateful to that friend and DH has never said he regrets it even though the gap was bigger than ideal which was problematic at times. I had to "hold the baby/younger child" while DH did the fun things with older child. Perhaps that's always the way it works!

He’s being unfair for changing his mind about having a child? How is that unfair?

Askingforafriendtoday · 19/10/2025 08:17

So sorry to hear this OP

JFDIYOLO · 19/10/2025 10:48

Telling you the truth now about how he's feeling and how his feelings have evolved with experience IS him being open, honest and fair.

Stringing you along for years with the maybe baby 2 lie to keep you quiet and hopeful would have been the unfair move.

And pushing him into fathering a baby he does not want now he's experienced fatherhood would be you being unfair on him. And on an unwanted child.

Focus on your existing child - which so many women have given everything to have. Beware giving the impression that 'you're not enough, not good enough', because they'll pick up on your dissatisfaction.

FlyMeSomewhere · 19/10/2025 16:53

oviraptor21 · 17/10/2025 08:09

Yep. Ignore that unhelpful post.

I think counselling for you both. He is being extremely unfair.
I was in a similar situation many years ago. Luckily about a year later a friend of his (nothing to do with me) made him see the error of his ways. I'm eternally grateful to that friend and DH has never said he regrets it even though the gap was bigger than ideal which was problematic at times. I had to "hold the baby/younger child" while DH did the fun things with older child. Perhaps that's always the way it works!

Nobody should pressurising people to have kids they don't want and to you that's not unfair! Nobody should try to back a partner into a corner like that as there's every risk of it blowing up in your face when they walk out the door leaving mum with a baby and crap finances! You got lucky, there's plenty of women on this site posting about husbands walking out not long after a child was born.

AskingForAFriend10 · 19/10/2025 17:04

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FlyMeSomewhere · 19/10/2025 17:10

Ibizamumof4 · 17/10/2025 18:16

I think it would ultimately end the relationship for me, if they knew how much I wanted one an had discussed it very clearly on in your relationship but then they have changed their mind ? For what reasons exactly ? Unless its for health or some deeply psychological ones, and it’s more around lifestyle, money etc then I think it’s quite cruel on you tbh. I think if you have those urges /needs to have more than one child it’s very hard to just accept and move on as it’s so utterly fundamental to your life.

Read the OPs last post, he's said he has been unhappy for 18 months. The problem with having kids is that you people can feel they want one, have one and then completely struggle with how life changing it is. Nobody owes you anything based on a conversation back before you had kids and both got to see what it would be like!

FlyMeSomewhere · 19/10/2025 17:12

minipie · 17/10/2025 20:26

Oh 😔 I’m so sorry.

Someone else on his radar?

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Their child is 2, it's more likely that after 6 months he started to realise kids weren't for him.

FlyMeSomewhere · 19/10/2025 17:17

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You've got three kids, that's sucking enough of his life and finances! It's your self entitlement that sounds shocking. Three kids is hardly depriving you and your relationship seems to be heading south so three is enough for you to suddenly be alone with and paying for.

AskingForAFriend10 · 19/10/2025 17:23

FlyMeSomewhere · 19/10/2025 17:17

You've got three kids, that's sucking enough of his life and finances! It's your self entitlement that sounds shocking. Three kids is hardly depriving you and your relationship seems to be heading south so three is enough for you to suddenly be alone with and paying for.

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I don't have three kids, you might need to work on your comprehension. I also earn double what my husband earns and do most for our TWO kids. Just stop, you have no idea.

FlyMeSomewhere · 19/10/2025 17:25

banananas1999 · 17/10/2025 21:38

Imo its cruel to just have one child. So many memories and experiences will be missed out without sinbkibg(s) and one day when the parents are gone,that child can have no close family and be by themselves. I know an adult male whis parents who are getting older are his only relatives,distant ones are not in touch- im concerned what he is going to do the day he is by himself.

your husband is a selfish jerk

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Lots of people sometimes can only have one, it's not remotely cruel to have just one! They get all the attention and all the presents! Responsibility seems to have escaped you too as many stop.at one because they financially can't afford more than one! Get that mentality of yours sorted out!

ACynicalDad · 19/10/2025 17:27

It's a reasonable position for him to have, but it would be unreasonable not to engage and discuss further. One thing is for sure I'd make him responsible for contraception and you never know what might happen (although if he has the snip that's likely to be all hope extinguished.

Bonmot57 · 19/10/2025 21:09

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What an obnoxious comment. You come across as very self-absorbed.

No one is owed or entitled to a child or x number of children- do you think your DH is some sort of performing circus animal whose purpose is to give you as many DC as you demand?

SouthernNights59 · 19/10/2025 21:34

I'm an only child and have never wanted siblings. I had a happy childhood, and while I did dread dealing with my (divorced) parents as they aged it really wasn't as difficult as I feared. Several of my friends had to deal with their elderly parents alone due to siblings living overseas or in another part of the country. My exDH has barely spoken to his brother in well over 20 years and they weren't particularly close before that.

My late DM was also an only child btw.

SouthernNights59 · 19/10/2025 21:43

banananas1999 · 17/10/2025 21:38

Imo its cruel to just have one child. So many memories and experiences will be missed out without sinbkibg(s) and one day when the parents are gone,that child can have no close family and be by themselves. I know an adult male whis parents who are getting older are his only relatives,distant ones are not in touch- im concerned what he is going to do the day he is by himself.

your husband is a selfish jerk

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Utter rubbish! I have no family other than a few cousins and while we get along we aren't close, and I am perfectly happy. Just because your friend can't cope with not having siblings doesn't mean all only children feel the same way.

My DM was an only child and obviously it didn't feel cruel to have just one to her. I also have a friend who had an only child parent, was an only child herself, and only has one child.

Mcoco · 20/10/2025 07:55

So many people with different opinions OP. Ultimately it is your decision and you sound unhappy not to have a chance of a second child. Hopefully your husband will change his mind.

prelovedusername · 20/10/2025 08:22

I’m another one with a sibling I didn’t get on with. We fought as children and we aren’t in contact now. I felt she was spoiled and indulged and it left me with lifelong resentment. She had no involvement with our elderly parents’ care.

Sorry to be so bleak but it might not work out the way you dream.

That said, it would be a big rich of him to expect you to be responsible for birth control given how you feel, so I would be telling him that if he really doesn’t want any more children he will have to take the necessary measures as you won’t.