Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Family planning

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Is 4 kids too many?

251 replies

Mumsie2024 · 14/02/2025 23:52

Hi, would like to know your thoughts?
is 4 kids a step too far? Currently have 3 kids and thinking I’d like a 4th but not sure if it’s hormones!
What's the verdict?

OP posts:
chollysawcutt · 16/02/2025 17:38

Yes. We are living in the Anthropocene, and the planet is struggling to sustain human life. You can read more about it here https://populationmatters.org/the-issue/.
David Attenborough agrees.

Upstartled · 16/02/2025 18:08

getahhtmapub · 16/02/2025 02:20

You are essentially advocating a human Ponzi scheme.

Show quote history

No. I'm advocating for stability - or even just slower decine. Or in this case, a little common sense about a woman adding an additional child to her family.

marshmallowfinder · 16/02/2025 18:14

4 is too many in my opinion. The planet does not need more people. Save your time, money, resources and patience for the ones you do have.

LameBorzoi · 16/02/2025 19:37

I wanted more, but now that my kids are older, I'm glad that I couldn't. The logistics just become impossible.

Btowngirl · 16/02/2025 19:46

I’m one of 4 and love it! Can’t say I ever remember wishing I had more of my mums time either. Hoping to have one more myself which would leave me with 3, mainly due to logistics I won’t be having 4!

LameBorzoi · 16/02/2025 20:21

I'd be thinking about uni and housing costs. It's really hard - near impossible - for young people to get started today without a lot of financial help from parents. Can you afford that?

SilverDoe · 17/02/2025 07:59

Why does everyone talk about uni costs for their DC in the UK? Is it a middle class thing?

I'm working class and nobody I knew who went to uni got financial help from their parents. They got student loans, part time jobs and some lived at home and commuted instead of living in student accommodation.

doodahdayy · 17/02/2025 08:23

SilverDoe · 17/02/2025 07:59

Why does everyone talk about uni costs for their DC in the UK? Is it a middle class thing?

I'm working class and nobody I knew who went to uni got financial help from their parents. They got student loans, part time jobs and some lived at home and commuted instead of living in student accommodation.

No wonder the population is dwindling if people are only having kids if you can cover uni and housing costs. You'd need to be a multi millionaire. I'm 1 of 2 and my parents didn't cover either. I managed ok

sometimesmovingforwards · 17/02/2025 08:31

If you can provide for and adequately parent them, then it’s your own free will to go for it.
But if they’re going to grow up as delinquents because parents don’t have the time, or you need tax payers to help you, then no, you’re big family will just be a drain on society and generally thought of as scumbags.
4 kids takes a lot of time and money.

Upstartled · 17/02/2025 08:31

I do find it funny that the demand that parents look to their potential to finance their adult children through to house deposits only really kicks in when posters talk of three and more children.

Codlingmoths · 17/02/2025 08:33

blueshoes · 15/02/2025 00:15

Sounds like it is for your benefit.

Show quote history

I very much her children are having babies for their mum. People are allowed to enjoy having and bringing up children!!

I bet you do things for your own benefit every single day.

TheaBrandt1 · 17/02/2025 08:34

That’s not true. Almost all my friendship
group have stopped at 2 for that reason. It’s not the 90s any more. Kids need more financial assistance than we did. Fewer grants. Housing horribly expensive. The fewer kids the better most smart couples have realised.

Upstartled · 17/02/2025 08:37

All your friends stopped at two so they could provide a house deposit? That sounds as likely as when people say they stopped at two to save the planet.

People do what suits them and then build a worthy narrative around it.

MCIdaughter · 17/02/2025 08:38

Upstartled · 17/02/2025 08:31

I do find it funny that the demand that parents look to their potential to finance their adult children through to house deposits only really kicks in when posters talk of three and more children.

Well, it's good advice in general, as is planning for the unexpected. More children equals more assistance needed, assuming you treat them equally, so I don't know why you're surprised that when people talk about having leather families this gets raised?

TheaBrandt1 · 17/02/2025 08:38

Yes. We want to be able to assist our kids as young adults much as we can. It’s a tough world out there now. A few pondered a third but in balance decided against.

Icecreamfactory · 17/02/2025 08:39

Seen as you asked…I personally think that generally, no family needs more than 3 children. Two is a great number of children and anymore than 3 is unnecessary.

LameBorzoi · 17/02/2025 08:39

doodahdayy · 17/02/2025 08:23

No wonder the population is dwindling if people are only having kids if you can cover uni and housing costs. You'd need to be a multi millionaire. I'm 1 of 2 and my parents didn't cover either. I managed ok

Show quote history

Well, it IS one of the reasons for birth rates dropping.

I came from a family with little money, and paid my own way at uni, because it was the 90s. It's different now.

@Upstartled
People talk about it when going up from an only child. People talk about it when considering whether or not to have kids.

Upstartled · 17/02/2025 08:40

LameBorzoi · 17/02/2025 08:39

Well, it IS one of the reasons for birth rates dropping.

I came from a family with little money, and paid my own way at uni, because it was the 90s. It's different now.

@Upstartled
People talk about it when going up from an only child. People talk about it when considering whether or not to have kids.

Show quote history

Do they? I've yet to see a thread when somebody floats the idea of having one to see people suck air between their teeth and ask if they can put together a house deposit for their unborn child.

LameBorzoi · 17/02/2025 08:40

Upstartled · 17/02/2025 08:37

All your friends stopped at two so they could provide a house deposit? That sounds as likely as when people say they stopped at two to save the planet.

People do what suits them and then build a worthy narrative around it.

It's not JUST the house deposit. It's "can we afford another?"

Upstartled · 17/02/2025 08:43

TheaBrandt1 · 17/02/2025 08:38

Yes. We want to be able to assist our kids as young adults much as we can. It’s a tough world out there now. A few pondered a third but in balance decided against.

I'll be able to assist all my children with significant house deposits, that 'our' isn't limited to those with one or two. I'm just struck by the hypocrisy of it.

LameBorzoi · 17/02/2025 08:49

Upstartled · 17/02/2025 08:43

I'll be able to assist all my children with significant house deposits, that 'our' isn't limited to those with one or two. I'm just struck by the hypocrisy of it.

Show quote history

I don't think it's hypocritical- it's brought up as a factor every time someone asks "should I have another?", regardless of the number. And it is brought up as a reason for people to stay at one.

A generation ago, it wasn't a factor, because you would expect that the kid could do it themselves. That's becoming increasingly difficult.

LameBorzoi · 17/02/2025 08:52

I don't think you can pretend that having a fourth is the same as second here, either. It's judged differently because it is different.

LameBorzoi · 17/02/2025 08:54

Upstartled · 17/02/2025 08:40

Do they? I've yet to see a thread when somebody floats the idea of having one to see people suck air between their teeth and ask if they can put together a house deposit for their unborn child.

Show quote history

One of the first questions that is always asked is "can you afford / provide for the baby?"

Upstartled · 17/02/2025 08:56

Yes, but provide for the baby doesn't extend to house deposits though, does it?

The op on this thread has already said that finance isn't an issue - she can clearly afford to have the baby.

It's just interesting that the threshold of this MN affordability test becomes higher with each passing child.

IVFeltbetter · 17/02/2025 09:00

My potential children’s ability to buy a house never featured in my decision to have children. That sounds completely crazy to me.