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Termination, *trigger warning*

91 replies

Wishicoulddream · 16/03/2024 18:18

Please tell me if I’ve posted this in the wrong place and I’ll immediately ask for it to be deleted, I’m sorry if I offend anyone.

I feel so alone. I have 2 children, 11 and 8. My 8 year old
has ASN and Tourette’s and a congenital liver condition and requires a lot of care. I’ve been the “main” primary parent, working
from home to allow his care needs to be met when he is often off school due to his health. My husband works long hours and enjoys his work and I guess has used it as a bit of an escape from home life at times but no more so than other dads might use golf or gym as an escape. I thought we were doing ok, happy, slightly full with home life on yes but managing and I was happy doing all the health appts etc. We struggled with fertility issues for a long time and so haven’t used contraception since youngest was born. To my utter amazement I found out I was pregnant 4 weeks ago after going
to the gp as I kept feeling so dizzy and nearly fainting.
The next day, before I’d thought of a “cute” way to tell my husband the news, he sat me down and told me he’s leaving us for another woman. His “soulmate”. Seemed amazed I was surprised and said he thought I knew. I was so shocked I don’t think I I said a word through the conversation. I just felt sick. He’s moving in with her and already had a bag packed, they know each other through work and it’s Been going on for 6+ months and they are planning their life together, he’ll pay child maintenance and see the kids
every week (his words). She is young and they hope to have their own family.
My world has stopped. I’m barely holding it together for my kids. There is no way I can manage a newborn breastfeeding round the clock with no support -
i am up with my son 4 times a night for meds / toileting help which would be hard but doable with my husband here but not on my own. I’m already struggling with exhaustion and sore boobs and dizziness and I’m shattered only
8 weeks. I met with my local support for termination team and they gently agreed it sounds too much for me to continue the pregnancy.. I’m also 44 so chances of
a smooth, healthy pregnancy aren’t that great. so I’m booked in
for a medical termination on Monday. I know it’s the right thing for my 2 children who need me now more than ever, but I’m already attached to the (very early) bean inside me. I’m so so sad knowing this was my last shot at another baby. I don’t have any friends to talk to, no family
near me and my mum is in a care home so I just needed to write it down here. He doesn’t know I’m even pregnant as we’ve not talked since he Waltzed out a week ago. I feel so desperate. Is there any hope out of all this?

OP posts:
Wishicoulddream · 17/03/2024 20:05

I don’t think he’d stay, he’s made it so painfully clear he’s off to live his happy
life with her and that surely it’s been obvious for a long time it’s been over and I must have known - he told me he hasn’t been in love with me for a long time. ☹️

OP posts:
Championfancy · 17/03/2024 20:09

Wow this is so sad. I feel for you. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you are okay. I had a termination many moons ago and honestly it 100% was the right thing to do at the time, I don’t regret it and life is completely okay. I went to see a psychic once and she told me there was someone there holding the hand of the child. I’m sorry if that’s macabre but what I mean is, life has a great way of working out and a decision you make with a genuine heart cannot be wrong.

PurplePansy05 · 17/03/2024 20:10

Wishicoulddream · 17/03/2024 20:05

I don’t think he’d stay, he’s made it so painfully clear he’s off to live his happy
life with her and that surely it’s been obvious for a long time it’s been over and I must have known - he told me he hasn’t been in love with me for a long time. ☹️

Well I'd want to know for sure before deciding on an abortion.

Rosiiee · 17/03/2024 20:22

I second what @PurplePansy05 said! I wouldn’t be able to live with the ‘what if’.

littlemousebigcheese · 17/03/2024 20:29

You already know he won't go for 50/50, especially not with a new woman around to entertain so don't even worry about that.

Tell him you're pregnant and that you'll be claiming maintenance for three children. See how much you'll be entitled to using the cms calculator. Check how much universal credit, child benefit, DLA all comes to with him gone and see if it's doable.

Formula feed to save your sanity. You will manage because you want to. You are a warrior and coping now, surviving every day and you can carry on

littlemousebigcheese · 17/03/2024 20:35

It's not about getting him back, it's about sharing the emotional trauma and upheaval. It is outrageously unfair that he gets to swan off into the sunset with a new girlfriend whilst you are left carrying all the responsibility for the children and pregnancy.
At the very least he needs to know so that if I'm you do have the abortion, he feels something too. Loss, what if, shit what have I done etc. it's not ok that you are shouldering it alone. I don't give a shit about his opinion on you keeping the baby or not, he fucked off so doesn't get a say but he also shouldn't just be able to walk away!

OhamIreally · 18/03/2024 09:24

He shouldn't just be able to walk away but he can and he has.

One of the hardest things to come to terms with when this happens is how cold and cruel the man becomes. He literally doesn't care anymore.

He's made it clear he has no intention of helping with the kids that he has raised and presumably loved thus far. Once a week he wants to see them! It's possible he's only saying that to keep an appearance of being a decent person.

I think those people saying he may change his mind or should have them 50/50 are living in cloud cuckoo land.

The only person OP will be able to rely on is herself. If a new baby tips her over the edge how on earth is she going to look after her existing children?

Wishicoulddream · 18/03/2024 09:44

I just wanted to update you all I’m in hospital having the termination, I’m very sad but feel it’s the right choice in what now feels like a very hard life for the next little while. The nurses have been so kind and I’ve got a little room that’s private as I was quite upset on arrival. I guess being a mum is just so hard at
times. My husband still hasn’t called me back ☹️I stopped after 4
attempts and 2 unanswered messages. So I think his intentions are fairly clear. I couldn’t sleep last night so spent the early hours looking into child maintenance payments and ÚC to not actually let mine and the kids lives completely fall apart. You have all been so kind to me. Thank you.

OP posts:
OhamIreally · 18/03/2024 09:49

I'm so sorry you've been put in this awful position. I'm glad the nurses are being kind.

solongandthanksforallthedish · 18/03/2024 10:01

@Wishicoulddream

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry you're going through this. He doesn't deserve you.

Upinthenightagain · 18/03/2024 10:04

I just want to say that I would absolutely do the same in your situation. This is an intolerable situation. I’m so sorry it happened to you and your husband has let you down so badly. Much love to you xxx

Rosiiee · 18/03/2024 12:07

Thinking of you OP x

Gcsunnyside23 · 18/03/2024 12:39

Thinking of you OP, hope you're holding up ok

OrlandointheWilderness · 18/03/2024 21:09

Thinking of you OP.

DPotter · 18/03/2024 23:09

Hope you're feeling OK

teampacey · 19/03/2024 08:54

Thinking of you. You made the right decision for you and your children who are here. Be kind to yourself.

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