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Original poster

Keep falling pregnant despite contraception

127 replies

nup · 28/12/2023 22:55

I'm in my 30s and not ready for a baby yet. I'm completely at my wits end with contraception and feel totally hopeless about the whole thing. It's really getting me down.

From my mid teens, I took various pills for a few years, which I got on relatively well with, apart from 2 unwanted pregnancies (despite taking them perfectly).

My doctor said I might have a hormonal issue, so I tried multiple copper coils. I had so many issues: several rejections, a punctured uterus and then 2 pregnancies.

I moved on to natural family planning, which worked for me for a few years, until eventually I fell pregnant with that, too. I switched to condoms for a few months, but fell pregnant again.

After so many years of non-hormonal methods, I tried taking the mini pill a few months ago, but suffered with very serious depression and suicidal thoughts, so I switched to a different pill, but had ultimately the same experience.

It's been 2 weeks since I stopped taking the pill and I'm feeling better already, but I just don't know where to turn now. I don't want to try any more hormonal contraception, I can't bear the thought of being depressed for another few months through choice. I'm desperate not to get pregnant again, and I feel like I'm out of options.

Does anyone have any recommendations? Even my doctor doesn't know what to suggest.

OP posts:
Babyboomtastic · 28/12/2023 23:02

Either use several methods (so condoms during low risk part of cycle and abstinence during high risk part), or condoms and the pill, or avoid penetrative sex altogether.

theduchessofspork · 28/12/2023 23:08

Get a cap and use that with spermicide and get your partner to use a condom. In combination that should be pretty safe.

What a PITA for you, I am really sorry.

LorlieS · 28/12/2023 23:09

I got pregnant twice against the odds. First time I was 38 and taking mini pill 100% correctly. Ended in miscarriage sadly. Hubby (no bio children) and I were devastated and it made us realise we did want a baby. Got pregnant first month of trying at 39 and had our daughter (now 3).
Second time I was 42 and again, taking minipill 100% correctly. Hubby had also had vasectomy few months prior to me discovering I was pregnant. Long story short, became unwell and positive pregnancy test. Emergency surgery after internal bleeding, very poorly. Was quite far gone with pregnancy growing in fallopian tube. Fallopian tube removed.
Consultant said hubby and I are a "hyper-fertile" couple. Well, we were - hubby's sample post-snip now no active sperm.
So I understand it is a complete nightmare when the mini pill, with 100% correct use, fails you.
My only suggestion is perhaps pill plus tracking ovulation? I know it's far from ideal though 😞

SD1978 · 28/12/2023 23:13

I'm not trying to sound like an arse- but have you been using condoms as well? Have you looked into the contraceptive rod, as well as condoms, and as someone else has suggested, a cap/ sponge?

hellsBells246 · 28/12/2023 23:38

So you have had seven unwanted pregnancies while using contraception? Wow.

I'd double up: use condoms plus tracking your cycle plus another method.

Original poster
nup · 28/12/2023 23:41

SD1978 · 28/12/2023 23:13

I'm not trying to sound like an arse- but have you been using condoms as well? Have you looked into the contraceptive rod, as well as condoms, and as someone else has suggested, a cap/ sponge?

Definitely don't sound like an arse! For one of the pill pregnancies, I was also using condoms, and I had one pregnancy just using condoms.

I'm really hormone averse now, with the depression I've had for most of this year, so I'd really like a hormone-free method as I have spent a lot of this year feeling that life isn't really worth living, when I haven't felt like this off the pill.

@hellsBells246, 6 pregnancies total, but it may as well be 7 tbh. Which other method would you combine with condoms and natural family planning?

OP posts:
Original poster
nup · 28/12/2023 23:46

I'd definitely consider using the diaphragm with other things, but I'm not sure what to combine it with except condoms. I don't really like the feel of condoms, so it makes me quite sad to think I'll have mostly unenjoyable sex for the next 3+ years till I want a baby. I know that's a different issue really.

OP posts:
PurplePansy05 · 28/12/2023 23:53

Wow, I've never heard of this before. It certainly seems hormonal contraception is not for you, OP but then all the other methods failed too. Did you end up having 6 abortions then? That's really not sustainable for your body to continue this way either if you wish to have a baby in the future. I don't think you have a choice but to use several methods together (one of which being condoms) or stop having sex for a period of time. It sounds pretty awful and stressful.

Original poster
nup · 29/12/2023 00:01

PurplePansy05 · 28/12/2023 23:53

Wow, I've never heard of this before. It certainly seems hormonal contraception is not for you, OP but then all the other methods failed too. Did you end up having 6 abortions then? That's really not sustainable for your body to continue this way either if you wish to have a baby in the future. I don't think you have a choice but to use several methods together (one of which being condoms) or stop having sex for a period of time. It sounds pretty awful and stressful.

Thank you, yes it's been a really traumatic time. I had 2 miscarriages but the others were terminations. A couple of years ago, we stopped having sex for a few months because it all felt so hopeless. The thought of another 3 years of abstinence during what should be some of the best sex years of my life is really sad. I'm having a really hard time with it all.

OP posts:
LorlieS · 29/12/2023 00:03

@nup Just thinking out loud here... how "disastrous" would a pregnancy be if it was to happen? Are you in a long-term relationship, financially secure etc?
When I was 36 I met my now husband and told him I definitely didn't want any more children. He was fine with that, accepting that he wouldn't have any bio of his own.
It wasn't until I fell pregnant entirely accidentally on the pill that we started to have discussions about a baby together. Admittedly I was older than you at 38 but perspectives can change over time.

MrsApplepants · 29/12/2023 00:07

If you’re in a position to have the babies now I would bring your plans forward and then get sterilised.

mayorofcasterbridge · 29/12/2023 00:08

How can anyone deal with so many terminations?

Original poster
nup · 29/12/2023 00:09

LorlieS · 29/12/2023 00:03

@nup Just thinking out loud here... how "disastrous" would a pregnancy be if it was to happen? Are you in a long-term relationship, financially secure etc?
When I was 36 I met my now husband and told him I definitely didn't want any more children. He was fine with that, accepting that he wouldn't have any bio of his own.
It wasn't until I fell pregnant entirely accidentally on the pill that we started to have discussions about a baby together. Admittedly I was older than you at 38 but perspectives can change over time.

I'm in a fantastic, long term relationship, so no worries there at all. Unfortunately I was laid off a couple of months ago and haven't started looking for a new job yet as the pill really put me in a really dark place, so it would be reasonably disastrous as we are already only on one income and I wouldn't get any maternity pay. I appreciate a different perspective, though. In a couple of years, we'll be on our feet again but we definitely aren't ready yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
nup · 29/12/2023 00:10

MrsApplepants · 29/12/2023 00:07

If you’re in a position to have the babies now I would bring your plans forward and then get sterilised.

My plan post babies is absolutely to get sterilised - I'd like to have C-sections so I'm hoping they can do it at the same time as my last baby leaves my body!

OP posts:
Original poster
nup · 29/12/2023 00:11

mayorofcasterbridge · 29/12/2023 00:08

How can anyone deal with so many terminations?

I think I'm coping much better than if I had 6 unwanted children, especially as I was only 15 the first time I fell pregnant.

OP posts:
LorlieS · 29/12/2023 00:17

@nup Do you have your own place?
Hubby and I earn less than 30k pa between us and share 3 kids in private rented, but we get by just fine.
I wouldn't wait until late 30s personally.

LorlieS · 29/12/2023 00:19

@MrsApplepants I'd suggest vasectomy for hubby - quicker and less risky/less chance of complications.

NameChangeForReason · 29/12/2023 00:21

Sterilisation

EeesandWhizz · 29/12/2023 00:24

Is there a reason that you haven't tried the mirena coil? Very, very low dose hormones hardly comparable with the pill.

ETA have you tried latex free condoms? - I discovered that a latex allergy was causing the 'uncomfortable' feeling of condoms - so much better now!

MigGirl · 29/12/2023 00:27

EeesandWhizz · 29/12/2023 00:24

Is there a reason that you haven't tried the mirena coil? Very, very low dose hormones hardly comparable with the pill.

ETA have you tried latex free condoms? - I discovered that a latex allergy was causing the 'uncomfortable' feeling of condoms - so much better now!

Edited

I imagine it's because she had a copper coil perforate her uterus, I had this with a mirena coil and won't have another one.

RiaOverTheRainbow · 29/12/2023 00:32

I think you probably need to avoid penetrative sex entirely during your fertile window. Try to reframe it as more adventurous sex, buy some toys or a sex guide book or something.

Condoms every single time you do have piv sex, and ideally also an iud or hormonal contraception, if you find something you can tolerate. Or use the morning after pill, though that may be worse than the regular pill.

And if you're overweight (no judgement, I'm fat) you could ask your GP if that could make the pill less effective, and if you could safely up the dose.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 29/12/2023 00:38

Have you tried the contraceptive injection? It’s the one form you haven’t listed, maybe that combined with condoms or abstinence during your most fertile days.

Original poster
nup · 29/12/2023 00:41

EeesandWhizz · 29/12/2023 00:24

Is there a reason that you haven't tried the mirena coil? Very, very low dose hormones hardly comparable with the pill.

ETA have you tried latex free condoms? - I discovered that a latex allergy was causing the 'uncomfortable' feeling of condoms - so much better now!

Edited

If I hadn't had such an awful time with the non-hormonal pills, I'd try Mirena. But I can't bear the thought of going through it again - the fallout from the uterine puncture was pretty traumatic in itself and I've had multiple IUDs expel themselves, it's not something I want to repeat.

I've tried some latex-free condoms - our top contenders are the Skyn brand but even they cause irritation and I'm often sore for a couple of days afterwards, so if you've got any recommendations, I'm all ears!

I really appreciate the broad array of options and opinions offered from you all. My OP is long, so fair that some people didn't read all of it, but I'm looking for options that are not an IUD, not hormonal and not abstinence.

The depression I've suffered with this year has been horrendous and I can't put myself through it while I try out different hormonal methods.

OP posts:
squidgybits · 29/12/2023 01:12

If you are serious about having a baby ever, I would reconsider what you are doing
By the time you feel ready, your chances may be long gone
Sad but true

RiaOverTheRainbow · 29/12/2023 01:13

Your DP could freeze his sperm then get a vasectomy?

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