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Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

Original poster

Disappointed with dd's dance exam result.

158 replies

User860131 · 15/02/2025 18:51

She's 6.5 and just had her result for grade 1 idst modern and got a low merit. This in itself I wouldn't be disappointed with. However she really practiced and seemed so confident. She seemed to be pulling all the right jazzy faces and have lots of energy etc and timing seemed good. She lost marks mostly on her set dances and 'sense of performance' and 'use of space' Tbh I'm worried that these are things that aren't really easy to fix or to explain to a young child especially when she seems to really be trying. She couldn't care less about the mark herself and is really happy to have passed. Obviously I'm happy if she's happy. However dancing is something she is probably going to get more and more serious about and I am really worried that the whole culture is just going to end up swallowing her whole and knocking her confidence. Is it really worth the time and money if a kid doesn't really have the aptitude for it? Are we better to cut our losses now? I hope I don't sound really awful saying this. It comes from a place of concern for my daughter and wanting to do what's right for her.

OP posts:
DramaDog · 15/02/2025 18:53

She’s happy and enjoying it. She’s 6. Just see how things go.

Parker231 · 15/02/2025 18:54

Why can’t she just do it for fun if she enjoys it? She doesn’t have to be good at it.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 15/02/2025 18:54

As long as it’s fun for her I really wouldn’t worry

DappledThings · 15/02/2025 18:54

DramaDog · 15/02/2025 18:53

She’s happy and enjoying it. She’s 6. Just see how things go.

Agree with this. She's enjoying it, she's not bothered about the mark now. She might get better at the other stuff or she might not but no point giving it a second thought at this point. If she stops enjoying it later on you can reevaluate

Changingplace · 15/02/2025 18:55

If she’s enjoying it why do you care so much? What makes you think/expect she’s going to get more serious about dancing? The only one who seems in danger of knocking her confidence here seems to be you if you let on your disappointment.

BananaSpanner · 15/02/2025 18:55

My daughter is 10, she has done gymnastics for years and loves it. She’s not actually particularly good at it but it’s great for enjoyment, fitness and friends.
My son also plays a team sport he’s bang average at but gets a lot from it for the same reasons as above.
This is more about you than her. Don’t project your negativity on to her.

SALaw · 15/02/2025 18:57

My daughter is nearly 16 and has been dancing since 3. She is good but definitely not stand out compared to some at her dance school, but has progressed well through grades, enjoyed performing here and abroad, made great pals and got regular exercise with 4/5 days dance per week for years. Don't over think it.

dammit88 · 15/02/2025 18:57

Why is she probably going to get more an more serious about it?

My daughter has been dancing for 9 years, she's a teen now, will never be in the advanced sets but she loves it and is happy - why can't your daughter be like hundreds of other girls like this?

pearbottomjeans · 15/02/2025 19:00

However dancing is something she is probably going to get more and more serious about and I am really worried that the whole culture is just going to end up swallowing her whole and knocking her confidence.

In order to prevent this, when she’s 6 and gets a low merit you go ‘Oh my god!! You got a merit!! I am SO proud of you, that’s absolutely amazing. That’s even better than a pass!’. Confudence and enjoyment is everything at that age.

Original poster
User860131 · 15/02/2025 19:00

I think it's a bit obtuse to say 'why can't she do it for fun?' Any half serious dance school make it obvious who their favourites are. If she senses this or doesn't keep up with the kids her age of course it's going to knock her confidence and nothing I do can shield her from that. I'm worried that the older she gets the more deeply she will feel this. I put her in dance lessons to boost her confidence but this is the opposite of what it's going to do if she constantly gets the subtle message that she isn't good enough however hard she tries

OP posts:
Changingplace · 15/02/2025 19:02

User860131 · 15/02/2025 19:00

I think it's a bit obtuse to say 'why can't she do it for fun?' Any half serious dance school make it obvious who their favourites are. If she senses this or doesn't keep up with the kids her age of course it's going to knock her confidence and nothing I do can shield her from that. I'm worried that the older she gets the more deeply she will feel this. I put her in dance lessons to boost her confidence but this is the opposite of what it's going to do if she constantly gets the subtle message that she isn't good enough however hard she tries

Edited

Is the dance school making her feel like that? You seem to be projecting a lot of things here that haven’t actually happened, do you have direct experience of this happening?

BreezyScroller · 15/02/2025 19:03

User860131 · 15/02/2025 19:00

I think it's a bit obtuse to say 'why can't she do it for fun?' Any half serious dance school make it obvious who their favourites are. If she senses this or doesn't keep up with the kids her age of course it's going to knock her confidence and nothing I do can shield her from that. I'm worried that the older she gets the more deeply she will feel this. I put her in dance lessons to boost her confidence but this is the opposite of what it's going to do if she constantly gets the subtle message that she isn't good enough however hard she tries

Edited

you need to stop living your life through her and let her be. You need to stop being a pushy parent!

She lost marks mostly on her set dances and 'sense of performance' and 'use of space' Tbh I'm worried that these are things that aren't really easy to fix or to explain to a young child especially when she seems to really be trying.

isn't that why you pay for a professional dance teacher to .. teach, and you stay out of it?

InWithThePlums · 15/02/2025 19:04

A low merit is good.

Ionacat · 15/02/2025 19:05

Just let her enjoy it. DD1 dances for hours each week, she has no intention of doing it as a professional, just loves it as a hobby. She sometimes does the exams and sometimes doesn’t bother. If the dance school are pushy with exams, then simply find one that is less serious. 6.5 is on the young side for grade 1 modern which probably explains the mark, DD2 who is a reasonable dancer is 8 and will take it later this year if she wants to. DD1 who is 14 is doing grade 5 modern this term to give you some context.

DramaDog · 15/02/2025 19:06

User860131 · 15/02/2025 19:00

I think it's a bit obtuse to say 'why can't she do it for fun?' Any half serious dance school make it obvious who their favourites are. If she senses this or doesn't keep up with the kids her age of course it's going to knock her confidence and nothing I do can shield her from that. I'm worried that the older she gets the more deeply she will feel this. I put her in dance lessons to boost her confidence but this is the opposite of what it's going to do if she constantly gets the subtle message that she isn't good enough however hard she tries

Edited

It’s you that will knock her confidence. She is happy. My children’s interests and activities changed often at that age until they settled on something. Just leave things and see how it goes.

Original poster
User860131 · 15/02/2025 19:07

Changingplace · 15/02/2025 19:02

Is the dance school making her feel like that? You seem to be projecting a lot of things here that haven’t actually happened, do you have direct experience of this happening?

Show quote history

Nobody is making her feel like that right now. She's a blissfully ignorant 6 year old with pretty much zero self awareness. However eventually she's going to grow up and sense what I sense. My words come from a place of concern that when she finally does realise that she isn't really valued in this hobby that she's put hours into it's going to confuse her and break her heart. No amount of me telling her she's the best thing since sliced bread is going to make this better for her

OP posts:
Marmiteenthusiast · 15/02/2025 19:07

This is what the dance world is like, OP, particularly for the RAD exams - and it gets tougher as they get older. The examiners are absolutely brutal!

Icanttakethisanymore · 15/02/2025 19:08

What are you hoping to get from this post? No one knows how good your daughter is or how much potential she has. What kind of advice would be useful to you?

Sassybooklover · 15/02/2025 19:09

Your daughter is young, let her enjoy the dancing. Her enjoyment should come first, not the exam results. You have no idea if your daughter is going 'to be taking dancing more and more seriously as she becomes older'. It seems to me that this is what you want! You want her to dance, take it seriously, obtain excellent grades and probably attend dance school in the future. What if this, isn't something she wants?! At the moment, you are coming across as a 'pushy Mum', who is trying to live her childhood dreams by pushing them onto your daughter. Let her enjoy the dancing, and see how it pans out. You can't map everything out.

Whatwouldnanado · 15/02/2025 19:09

Say and do absolutely nothing but praise her to the skies. She is six. She has turned up and done her best! You risk spoiling her enjoyment by making her feel she needs your approval, and being one of ‘those’ awful parents living vicariously that other parents and teachers can sense a mile away. Dancing is her thing, not yours.

ThejoyofNC · 15/02/2025 19:09

Facial expressions aren't really relevant in exams. As long as she's passed then it's fine, don't put so much pressure on her.

TheBossOfMe · 15/02/2025 19:09

I wouldn’t see dance as a confidence boosting activity at all. Quite the opposite - dance culture is brutal.

Maydaylight · 15/02/2025 19:09

User860131 · 15/02/2025 19:07

Nobody is making her feel like that right now. She's a blissfully ignorant 6 year old with pretty much zero self awareness. However eventually she's going to grow up and sense what I sense. My words come from a place of concern that when she finally does realise that she isn't really valued in this hobby that she's put hours into it's going to confuse her and break her heart. No amount of me telling her she's the best thing since sliced bread is going to make this better for her

Show quote history

So why borrow trouble? She doesn't feel like that now. She may never feel like that. DS isn't particularly good at football, but he enjoys the teamwork and camaraderie -- he's certainly not tormenting himself with not getting scouted for an academy.

Respectfully, you sound incredibly insecure and anxious. Are you seriously asking whether you should pull a six-year-old out of an activity she enjoys in case in the future she might come to be heart-broken because she isn't as good as some of her peers?

HellonHeels · 15/02/2025 19:10

She's six! It's meant to be fun.

Does she enjoy the class? That's all that matters. You can boost her confidence by not focusing on exams and getting top marks and instead thinking about enjoyment of dance or having fun doing something in a group.

If you're that keen on grades.and exams and self improvement why don't you enrol in adult classes and do the exams yourself?

Icanttakethisanymore · 15/02/2025 19:10

User860131 · 15/02/2025 19:07

Nobody is making her feel like that right now. She's a blissfully ignorant 6 year old with pretty much zero self awareness. However eventually she's going to grow up and sense what I sense. My words come from a place of concern that when she finally does realise that she isn't really valued in this hobby that she's put hours into it's going to confuse her and break her heart. No amount of me telling her she's the best thing since sliced bread is going to make this better for her

Show quote history

So what do you need? Ways to manage her expectations or ways to make her a better dancer? It’s not clear (to me at least)