Disappointed with dd's dance exam result.

[User860131]

She's 6.5 and just had her result for grade 1 idst modern and got a low merit. This in itself I wouldn't be disappointed with. However she really practiced and seemed so confident. She seemed to be pulling all the right jazzy faces and have lots of energy etc and timing seemed good. She lost marks mostly on her set dances and 'sense of performance' and 'use of space' Tbh I'm worried that these are things that aren't really easy to fix or to explain to a young child especially when she seems to really be trying. She couldn't care less about the mark herself and is really happy to have passed. Obviously I'm happy if she's happy. However dancing is something she is probably going to get more and more serious about and I am really worried that the whole culture is just going to end up swallowing her whole and knocking her confidence. Is it really worth the time and money if a kid doesn't really have the aptitude for it? Are we better to cut our losses now? I hope I don't sound really awful saying this. It comes from a place of concern for my daughter and wanting to do what's right for her.

I've asked for this thread to be deleted. I think I've been identified irl and I feel that some of the posts are personal attacks and unhelpful

Welcome to the performing arts world.

To be blunt, there are some kids who are naturally good, work hard and just have that x factor, there are others who are naturally good, work hard but don't have that. There are thousands who have a lot of fun and enjoy it - but no matter how hard they work, they are never going to be stand out. And that is also fine.

The important thing is how you manage it.

My DD was in high level training from a very young age - she's a good dancer and a stand-out singer. She was never in the same league as the really good dance girls she trained with - and never would be, because she lacks that X factor that some of them had. Even among the best, there were one or two that were just lovely to watch even if they weren't the hardest working or even technically 'the best'.

It did dent DD's confidence. She eventually dropped dance for a year, then picked it up again at school - where she was one of the standouts, as the level was much lower and she was very well trained. She knows full well that it hasn't suddenly made her an amazing dancer - but she's rediscovered her enjoyment and teachers were giving her chances to work on designing choreo and being front centre for the first time. She now does dance purely for fun and exercise.

Six is probably a little bit young to know for definite as some children do suddenly grow into things, but you might be best to keep your thoughts to yourself for now, but think about a less competitive and more inclusive school and a more 'for fun' environment in the future if you find her confidence is being knocked. Both types of school have their place.

I am not sure how having a 6.5 years old doing dance is enough to be "identified" 😂

It's not even about the performing art world, that's LIFE!

No one is the best at everything for a start. She can be working as hard as humanly possible, she still won't be the best. She might need to work differently, it's quality over quantity. She might have a bad day. She might be faced with a genius in the field. That's life!

That's why all these exams are so important, it does teach them resilience. She will be told she's not that great, or someone is better in any sport, at school, with friends.

Of course it's hurtful and it sucks when you are the parent, but it's in her own interest to go through that. She's the favourite and the most important thing in the world for her parents, which is lovely and how it should be. Elsewhere, not so much, and that's fine.

I don't think anyone has attacked you personally. Lots of posters have pointed out that your attitude will potentially damage your dd's confidence so hopefully you will take it on board and either change your attitude or find activities that don't include assessment or competition.

OP, no one is attacking you.

Your DD got a merit at 6 years old in her first exam. That is brilliant. What were you expecting? Distinction? I don’t think I’ve ever met a child that got distinction in the first exam so young when they’ve only just started dance.

Also, don’t worry about what she needs to improve on for her to progress. That’s what you’re paying the dance school for. They want as many kids as possible to get high grades. They’ll have feedback from the examiners and know what she needs to focus on for her next exam.

Everyone has to start somewhere and your DD has got off to a flying start. Be proud. When my DD started playing competitive team sports, she was mostly in the D teams. Several years on and a lot of training later she is in all the A teams and captains one team.

But also remember, your DD is very unlikely to want to be a professional dancer. Her training and entering exams is giving her skills that will last a lifetime. The result of those exams doesn’t matter. It’s the working hard at something you enjoy and taking yourself out of your comfort zone that are the most important things.

🙄

There aren't personal attacks.

There are people pointing out the realism of the situation and protecting a 6yo girl from being made to feel inadequate for getting a merit in grade 1.

Just before you go Op... A different perspective

Having said all that about joy and resilience etc the classes we gravitated to in the end were the less expensive and not so serious ones.

Once it gets spendy, which will be different for everyone of course, but I do remember the pressure to not miss a class and to feel you were making the most of things. As a parent, it sort of sucked the joy out of it. When kids are small there are so many outgoings and often less income. And things have become even more expensive since our kids were young. If that anxiety is feeding into this - I think many of us on this thread have probably experienced that feeling if we are honest, even if financially OK - we didn't do any of the gymnastic badges nor many dance competitions mainly because they were spendy, deadly dull, took ages and unless your kid very serious about it - they aren't important. Plenty of practice & the odd performance was the perfect level for us.

Please don't worry at all. The things marked lower are ones which would be common in younger dancers anyway.

I don't think there is such a thing as a 'low merit'. I know RAD have added 'high merit' and 'high distinction' to their classifications, but that doesn't translate that the remaining categories become 'low' merits/ distinctions.

She is 6, she put the work in, went in prepared, did the exam and got a merit. What an achievement! Not sure why you have such an incredibly negative take on it.

So she has some aspects to work on now. Great! If she is motivated by exam results, she can nail these aspects for next time.

Sometimes I think clubs, schools give out certificates for any small thing - not a bad thing per se - but when it comes to doing a serious and challenging exam there is an expectation from parents/ child that they will automatically get gold starts plastered all over. It is a different thing and expectations needing setting accordingly.

Ok I'll respond since mn don't seem to want to remove the post. I have to hold my hands up a bit and say that I misunderstood the marks. She was actually only 6 marks off disctinction and quite well into a merit. However I think I articulated quite reasonably what worries me. I'm disappointed for my daughter I'm not disappointed in her. The reason for this is that we worked hard on her learning her set pieces especially so that they were commited to muscle memory and she could go out there and look really confident and really 'sell' the dances. She seemed to really be putting the facial expressions and energy into it. I'm not a dancer but I am musical and to me her timing looked great but she lost marks for timing and stage presence and use of space essentially. I just can't work out what they want that's what's frustrating. The kid looked pretty flawless to me but then I'm not a dancer so I'm limited to how much I can help her. I'm also worried that she'll be marked even more harshly when she does ballet/tap exams. Anyway, the fantastic thing is that she couldn't give a shit is happy. Tbh in my heart of hearts I'd rather a kid who's scoring merits and enjoying herself than one who's a perfectionist and a nervous wreck. Possibly the fundamental reason she's not scoring perfectly is that I suspect she has quite a 'relaxed' approach to the teaching and doesn't take direction as maturely as some of the girls and this is fine. It's what will help her be resilient in the end. She's more than competent enough at this to keep up and enjoy herself and that's what matters really. Despite what people might think my worst nightmare would be her turning around and telling me she wants to do this professionally so I probably just need to be satisfied that she's doing well and concentrate on letting her know that she'll always be my number one.

Don’t put her in for exams if they cause you such anxiety. Dancing is fun - it doesn’t matter what level she achieves.

I repeat have you asked the dance teacher to explain? You say you are not a dancer but forgive me if I am wrong, you seem unwilling to ask the teacher? You are paying this person to teach your child but you don't seem to be using their expertise

6 marks off a distinction is a very good mark. My DD would have loved that at Grade1 although ballet or tap as she didn't do jazz. She is a classically trained ballet dancer having attended vocational school and I took advice from all the teachers who taught her during her years to attain her goal

You're right I should. Tbh it's a good dance school but I feel that any questions would be met with an eyeroll. I might seem intense on here but I'm really not irl. I rarely bother the teachers and we quietly turn up every week to class. However any queries I do make tend to be met with snarkiness or very brief responses. I suspect they'd just say she's doing fine because she is. They (understandably I guess) prefer to put their energy into the kids they think are showing real promise even at this age. One or 2 of them do solos at festivals which tends to take up their focus. It's very difficult to explain because I have no tangiable proof of what I'm saying but I suspect that if you're involved in dance you know and if you're not you never will.

Based on what you said here, it doesn't sound like a good dance school. I never experienced that attitude in the 14 years dd did ballet and modern. She went to grade 8 and also did intermediate foundation and intermediate so she was decent enough but not brilliant. She also had a couple of friends doing it who were not selected to do the intermediate exams and who never did better than a merit and more frequently only got a pass in exams. They were all given equal attention and any queries from parents were treated with respect and answered politely and comprehensively. So no, not everyone who has been involved in dance "knows".

I don't think having to spend months preparing for an exam (because that's what the class is doing) then not being allowed to sit it by your mum because she is worried you might not do well enough is going to be much of a confidence boost.

OP honestly, back off. Why on earth are you practicing with your dd for dance exams, that's the schools job (and, when she's much older, hers)?

It's a hobby. You buy her the kit, take her to lessons and tell her she's great. That's literally your role here.

Please try again and highlight where she lost the marks and ask what your DD can do to improve. If you don't feel you are getting a proper response from your dance teacher then I'm a bit lost. DD didn't attend a school that did regular competitions so we have no experience of that.

The dance world is a minefield, I remember when DD moved to another school as we had lesson clashes and I was concerned how she would be received by the other girls. She went for a trial lesson and it was watching night, one of the other moms was so lovely and said such nice things about DD's dancing. She was very welcoming as were all the other moms. She got on very well with all the girls, it was a lovely school

Balletcoforum.com is very good with helping to negotiate the dance world and I highly recommend it

edited for typo and clarity (I hope)

A high merit is great! They don't just give out distinctions. I am sure you can find the stats somewhere, but a minority of children will be getting distinctions. It is for work which is outstanding. I'm not sure what the school's attitude is that you are picking up that a merit is substandard or just average. It's equivalent to very good. Also in exams they are looking at very precise criteria. It doesn't mean that the highest scoring child is necessarily the best performer or the most graceful or the one you want to watch on stage because they have that x factor quality. They hit all the marks that the examiner is looking for.

Thank you to the people who've been supportive and gently (and correctly) pointed out what a wally I am. Concentrating in the lessons I don't think comes easy to my dd but she really tries I think and she's still got a bloody merit younger than lots of kids. It's great fun for us both to see her get better and better and dance in the shows so I'm going to enjoy it for what it is.

Great to see that you have been able to see the big picture here.

That said, if the school she is at is not nurturing of all kids, I would like at moving to a better, more supportive school. Dance does not have to be cut throat.

Gosh.

Your recent update still sounds like a you problem. The way you view things is alarming imo. Self reflection hasn't been had here clearly. Sad

I’m confused?

Hi @User860131
Speaking as someone who's been there, done that, got the scars t-shirt, I'm pleased to see that you have come to your senses (!) and will be simply letting your dd enjoy her fun hobby. A merit that's a few marks off a distinction is actually a good result. Take a step back, let the teachers do their stuff, and don't take it seriously. A dance exam is not a competition, and all kids progress at their own pace.

I might seem intense on here but I'm really not irl.

I wonder if the people close to you would agree with this? You come across as SO intense on here that I just can't believe it's something you manage to totally avoid in real life.