Daughter not made a sixer when a younger child was

[tomtom88]

Ok so please be kind.

Daughter is in Brownies, the old leaders left recently and a new leader took over. I appreciate all the leaders are volunteers.

Without warning - the new leader allocated sixer and seconder roles, with my daughter being given a seconder role in a group of 2 where the other girl was the same age. In another group a child a year younger, who is a lovely girl but very scatty was given the sixer role. At the meeting brown owl said these are not permanent roles because sometimes I change things and swap things about.

Daughter gutted not to be a sixer.

I messaged brown owl in a very polite way thanking her for taking over the group, expressing that my daughter was disappointed, and drawing her attention to the fact a younger girl. I asked are these decisions permanent (she has implied they were not at the session)
Anyway she got back and said, oh your daughter will get the opportunity "at some point" eg not specified so could mean never if they cannot expand the group and then stated " she couldn't now take the opportunity to be a sixer off one of the other girls" although obviously by chosing the other girls and not being flexible she has effectively taken the opportunity to be a sixer from my daughter. I would have thought she should have given thought before allocating the younger girl in yr3 to be a sixer and perhaps swapped the girls over in their groups so the yr3 became the seconder and my daughter the sixer int he other group.

Long read - any thoughts

@sometimesmovingforwards if they’re a useless volunteer like this, that’s no threat.

@Yalta

I understand what you're getting at, but your life lesson instead is "it's ok to be a giant cunt that everyone secretly hates"? Surely not?

I thought you couldn't be a sixer until you'd been a seconder.

Also the set up sounds barmy. I’d think about moving her to a different group. I always check my DD is happy and secure at extra-curricular groups, they are supposed to be fun primarily!

100%. As someone whose husband volunteers tirelessly for a community sport - it wouldn't happen for a lot of kids if he didn't dedicate himself - nothing irritates more than opinionated parents who do nothing themselves (except have an opinion)

Exactly!
This isn’t being a “ Sixer” at all - it’s being a Two- er.

It must be in a village or somewhere remote
As others have said , far better to have two groups of four-

Or maybe 8 groups of one with everyone their own “Sixer” ( or One- er!)

I understand why you wish it was different but I am not sure what you can do about it. I wouldn't worry too much, hopefully she will get a chance if not I am sure it won't make too much difference to her experience.

Or was unable to reassure her etc as it turns out the brown owl had made a crap impulsive decision and was now backtracking and fudging her way through.

Not every adult/leader is correct 100% of the time and your parents will stick up for you (within reason!) - these are two lessons I hope my DD will take away from her childhood.

This doesn’t seem like something a parent needs to get involved in at all, beyond supporting their child to handle life’s inevitable disappointments. What are you going to do when more serious injustices outside your control start happening with your child?

But the opportunity to be a sixer was never "taken" off of your daughter by the leaders decision as the role had never been given to her in the first place. Wow, you really sound hard work and your poor daughter is going to face many disappointments in life that are so much more serious than this that you cannot fix either. You need to focus on teaching her resilience and that we don't always get what we want. Life isn't always fair, and there may be a perfectly valid reason why the other girl was given the role over your daughter. Bloody hell get over yourself!

Girls age out of brownies once you become a certain age you go to guides. So it make sense for the older girls to become sixers at the end of their time in brownies even if it just for a few months . Then the younger girls get chance to see how different sixers work and what to aim for . A young girl won't know all the in and out of brownies year and what to do,where as older will know what to do as she has done it before. As well as younger sixer getting bored in her role and not had time to enjoy being a just brownies without extra responsibility.

I think the Leader is very high-handed and makes a lot of instant decisions without thinking it through. She recently changed the time of the meeting on the day the meeting was due to happen,

Was (as I suspect) it a meeting she needed to be at as Brownie leader?

What was she supposed to do when something came up unexpectedly that meant she couldn’t make the previous time?

Not turn up like a parent could? Or rearrange the time so that the meeting could still happen.

And as a former leader the power trip comment has me incensed, I managed a group of approx 1000 people at the time I was a leader. The thought that I volunteered to provide an activity to children that they might not otherwise be able to do and had to put up with rude entitled parents ‘as some sort of power trip’ is risible and insulting.

I think OP means the brownie weekly meeting times were changed with zero notice.

@TrainedByCats also don’t take it so personally, no one is talking about you. My DD’s brownie leader is amazing, my guide leader was amazing, my brownie leader was shite and played favourites non-stop. Luck of the draw with volunteers (and life!).

Please consider that you may not have all the relevant information. To you it seems like the wrong decision but there may be factors that you don't know and that the leader cannot share with you to protect the privacy of another child.
The new leader has said that your DD should get a chance at some point. I would take her at her word and leave it there and keep accusations of her being high handed and insensitive to yourself because it won't help matters.

I was at Brownies in about 1990-1994?? Anyway, I can’t fully remember if I was a seconded, sixer, imp, elf or pixie, though I am sure it mattered to me then. We do get over these things and move on as more serious problems arise!

I think there is a middle ground between “just suck it up” and your approach, OP.

Acknowledge your daughter’s disappointment and discuss a plan with her - such as (her) approaching the Brown Owl, saying she would like to be considered next time, and how she can achieve that (in Brownie language).

You can practice a form of words with her. This will help her accept her disappointment, learn resilience, and work positively towards achieving her goal all at the same time. That will stand her in great stead for the future.

On another note, where are you that your pack is so small? They are all bursting at the seams here!

Bloody hell – am I reading this right. You are upset because your daughter hasn't been made a sixer. At Brownies. Which is a volunteer led organisation. So you are being 'that' parent and kicking off because 'it's not fair' and will 'impact my daughter negatively'. You do realise life isn't fair right? That this is not important AT ALL. That your daughter is going to have to deal with far worse things in her life and learning to deal with disappointment is a really important life skill. I am honestly shocked at your entitled behaviour. Are you going to run after your daughter for her entire life making a fuss about any perceived slight. I actually feel really sorry for your daughter right now.

I normally give every girl a chance to be a Sixer ,sometimes by giving them a term each
Have had parents complain their girls don’t get a full year of being a sixer 🤷‍♀️

I had a look at the Brownie badges online -
seems it’s Woodland animals now, as opposed to imps , sprites and elves?

I’d so want to be a Fox 🦊 or Squirrel 🐿!

So it's okay for the other girl to be disappointed as long as yours is happy? Why are you judging a child as being scatty do you spend time with her or is the opinion based on your daughter's view?
Teaching children how to cope with disappointment is a parents job. By making a big thing of it your not helping .....your view of the brown owl is based on what you would do....so give up the hours she does....not just at the meeting but in prep, clean down, training and group meetings and volunteer yourself. .....maybe she has to change a meeting time rather than cancel ....I'm pitying her already.

It's a sixer at Brownies, not a CEO of a multinational. With respect, you are getting worked up over nothing. I'm baffled that there would be only 8 girls and that there is only 2 children per patrol but that's even more reason why being a "sixer" and "seconder" is meaningless.

Well if they hadn't stepped in to volunteer, the group would close and then she still wouldn't get to be a Sixer!

Now the OP has expanded on the details, it's having a group of only eight Brownies and making half Sixers and half Seconders that's really bizarre!

Except people don’t hate the person who gets the role.

I have got to the point that I walk away when something like this happens.
(I think it is a ND symptom. If I go for a promotion and they give it to someone else who is clueless then to me that means I am below clueless)
I come from an immigrant/refugee background and instead of my mother being in my corner and backing me up I was told the same phrase that seems to be popular on this thread That we don’t get everything we want or deserve

No where was I taught to be assertive and take what I wanted, needed and deserved

I had this exact situation recently too with my 9.5 year old, and what actually unfolded was a bigger problem than it first appeared. My girl hadn't settled into her pack and was devastated at not being chosen as a Sixer, always the last to be picked in group activities etc, so I moved her. I know it was extreme but I wish I'd done it years ago instead of waiting. She has settled into the new pack straightaway, and within a month of joining she was made Sixer. It's a much more traditional pack and they do crafts every week, sing songs, play games, work on badges and do very few activities in sixes anyway - plus there's only 8 girls there so it's a much smaller unit.

I would move her to another pack. There's no point in paying for a club she is devastated about going to when there's others she can love and thrive at.