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Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

Original poster

Dance lesson. Am I right to be upset?

80 replies

ISSTIUTNG · 09/12/2023 19:22

My 5.5 year old goes to a dance school. She has been going since she was 2. She didn't join in at all at first but as far as I was concerned she has improved vastly and this was no longer an issue. She's taken her first exam and got good results. She takes every lesson that she possibly can at her age and we do everything we're asked to do ITO shows/events etc

Lots of the kids do 4 lessons in row on Saturdays. It's well known that they are all (understandably) tired by the final lesson. Some of the kids are frequently coming out of the lessons, some having borderline tantrums because they're so fed up. I thought my dd was fine as she rarely comes out or anything. However, today one of the younger teachers came out of the lesson looking flustered and went to fetch the owner of the dance school. The owner then went into the lesson, came back out after a couple of minutes, made a beeline straight for me. In front of all the other parents she said my child (x) has been refusing to do anything for the last 2 lessons of the morning for a few weeks in a row claiming to be tired etc. Apparently she has been going to sit down and refusing to do anything for the lesson no matter what the teachers do. I was very clear that no way did I expect them to tolerate her disrupting the other kids and that if they can't get her to join in they're to send her straight out to me. My dd insists that she loves dancing and wants to keep going but I've made it clear to her that if this is how she's going to behave then we'll have to stop. When the owner talked to me she said she 'doesn't want me to be wasting my money'....

2 things have really upset me. I don't think it was at all necessary to drop this bombshell in front of the other parents. I feel really humiliated by this. As far as I'm concerned this has sent the message that my daughter is solely to blame for the anarchy that is their last lesson. I don't deny that she's being a pain in the butt by the sounds of it but she really isn't the only one. The second is the owner's comment about me wasting my money. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive but I feel like that's her way of saying they don't want my dd there any more. If the owner hadn't made this comment I would have just taken on board their comments, kept more of an eye on my dd and quit the lessons in a few weeks if my dd didn't improve. However, this comment has made me wonder if they've already made their mind up that they don't want her there, in which case they're absolutely right I don't want to give them another penny of my money.

Am I being overly sensitive? What would others do in this case? I know I shouldn't be letting it bother me but it's really upset me. Dance is quite a large part of mine and my daughter's life. I don't want to quit if she really likes it but nor do I want her to go somewhere several hours a week where she's just considered a massive burden.

OP posts:
Original poster
ISSTIUTNG · 09/12/2023 20:02

Crazycrazylady · 09/12/2023 19:54

Honestly in my experience 'the wasting your money' comment can often mean that they don't think your dd will do terribly well at dancing and maybe you should point her in an another direction.
I think it's clear that the young instructor specifically mentioned your daughter in her complaints about general behaviour to the manager .
Not worth the drama I reckon. Sign her up for something else instead .

Thank you. This is what I actually wanted advice on. They're obviously not going to outright say 'your child isn't a good dancer' but maybe this is their way of saying that they don't think much of her. I don't have her there to become a professional dancer. I have her there to make friends, focus on learning a skill and develop confidence. None of that is going to happen if the environment is this negative

OP posts:
Newsenmum · 09/12/2023 20:03

Personally a little shocked by this. I’d say she’s allowed to sit out a few if it’s too much.. shes 5 ffs. Not sure I’d really trust a teacher getting 5 year old to do 2 hours of ballet in a row. 😕

Leafysuburb · 09/12/2023 20:03

I think most adults would be done after 2 hours of dancing

Lelophants · 09/12/2023 20:05

itsgettingweird · 09/12/2023 20:01

Why is a 5yo doing 4 30 minute classes with 10 minute inbetween?

That's nearly 3 hours at dance class in one go.

It's madness.

I'm an ex dance teacher and dancer. We would do 3 x 1hr classes in a Saturday but not at 5!!! More like from secondary age!

5yo who wish to study ballet, modern and tap should do 2 on a weekend and 1 after school. 30minutes each.

That's more than enough!

I agree. No offended op but so much pressure this young and such a negative attitude is going to put her off for life.

Floralnomad · 09/12/2023 20:05

ISSTIUTNG · 09/12/2023 19:59

I have asked her if she wants to keep doing it several times and the answer's always yes. Dancing isn't my thing. I've never taken a lesson in my life and although I'm musical I'm about as coordinated as bambi on rollerskates. DD on the other hand has very good gross motor skills and loves to be active hence why in general she really likes dancing

Show quote history

In your first post you said Dance is quite a large part of mine and my daughter's life

Wanttobekind · 09/12/2023 20:06

I’d question the professionalism of a dance school that allowed a) 5 year olds to do four dance classes in a row and b) continued to offer this if they turn into carnage by the end. Sounds like they want to make money over anything else. So if they are also unprofessional about how they speak to parents then it’s not exactly a surprise.

Newsenmum · 09/12/2023 20:06

ISSTIUTNG · 09/12/2023 19:50

Amazing, thanks for your insight. I'll have my flux capacitor mended by tomorrow and go back in time and claim back all those hours that I wasted

Show quote history

You can be as defensive as you like but it’s kind of the reason for your daughter’s behaviour…

Newsenmum · 09/12/2023 20:07

Wanttobekind · 09/12/2023 20:06

I’d question the professionalism of a dance school that allowed a) 5 year olds to do four dance classes in a row and b) continued to offer this if they turn into carnage by the end. Sounds like they want to make money over anything else. So if they are also unprofessional about how they speak to parents then it’s not exactly a surprise.

Completely agree

BendingSpoons · 09/12/2023 20:08

I think you are being a bit sensitive but then only you were there in real life. The wasting money comment I would take at face value of you paying for 4 classes and her only getting benefit from two. I don't suppose the other parents thought she was solely to blame for the anarchy. They could have been more private but they said she wasn't joining in, not that she was disruptive.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 09/12/2023 20:09

That's far too much at her age. Change classes to something more appropriate.

UsingChangeofName · 09/12/2023 20:10

Wanttobekind · 09/12/2023 20:06

I’d question the professionalism of a dance school that allowed a) 5 year olds to do four dance classes in a row and b) continued to offer this if they turn into carnage by the end. Sounds like they want to make money over anything else. So if they are also unprofessional about how they speak to parents then it’s not exactly a surprise.

This

As for them starting dance lessons at 2.......

These are clearly people who don't know anything about child development, so they aren't people I'd want looking after my dc for 3 hours or so every week.

DisforDarkChocolate · 09/12/2023 20:12

WTF!

Let the poor lass have a rest. You sound like a crazy dance mam.

beautifullittletree · 09/12/2023 20:14

My dd insists that she loves dancing and wants to keep going but I've made it clear to her that if this is how she's going to behave then we'll have to stop.

She is tired not misbehaving, find her a less aggressive dance class and don't blame her. Poor kid.

LittleBrenda · 09/12/2023 20:23

front of all the other parents she said my child (x) has been refusing to do anything for the last 2 lessons of the morning for a few weeks in a row claiming to be tired etc.
she's 'claiming' to be tired because she's tired. She's five. It's not a claim.

Apparently she has been going to sit down and refusing to do anything for the lesson no matter what the teachers do.
Fair enough, what is she supposed to do? Drag herself up like she's in the chorus of Les Miserable. She has had enough with the hour of dancing she's already done.

I was very clear that no way did I expect them to tolerate her disrupting the other kids and that if they can't get her to join in they're to send her straight out to me.
This is an overreaction.

My dd insists that she loves dancing and wants to keep going but I've made it clear to her that if this is how she's going to behave then we'll have to stop.
But she is happy to do an hour of dance. Why is it all or nothing?

When the owner talked to me she said she 'doesn't want me to be wasting my money'....
Because you are paying for lessons your five year old is not doing because she's tired.

Thesearmsofmine · 09/12/2023 20:25

She’s 5, it’s meant to be fun, she’s too tired to have fun because 4 lessons is ridiculous. Cut down the classes and let her enjoy a hobby, it doesn’t matter if she has talent because she is 5.

PuttingDownRoots · 09/12/2023 20:39

The school is setting up the poor kids to fail... is it 4 different types of dance?

Can you switch to a mix of afterschool classes?

Mysa74 · 09/12/2023 21:25

Did your daughter start reception in September OP? That might be another reason she's tired. All three of my girls struggled with the first term of school and I deliberately eased off of extra classes for a bit with my 2nd DD after seeing how the first had been impacted...
Dd1 has just started senior school and has pulled out of all of her classes of her own accord (ballet, tap, street, musical theatre, gym and swimming) for this first term. She's stopped gym and swimming permanently (she's like a fish now) but wants to go back to dance in the new year, starting with ballet.

Coyoacan · 09/12/2023 21:35

It's a shame you are taking everything so negatively, OP, because there are some sound comments here. Don't stop your dd from dancing as long as she enjoys it, but cut down on the classes. I speak as the mother of a professional dancer.

itsnotforeveryone · 09/12/2023 21:44

It's a tricky one. I think its perfectly reasonable to feel embarrassed by the way they dealt with this so I don't blame you at all OP! Could you have a quiet word with one of the teachers to get some perspective about your DDs participation? I tried my DD with several different types of dance and gymnastics from when she was 3 yo until she found the thing that she really loved - which happened to be cheerleading. Perhaps your DD might be a bit bored and welcome something a little different?

Original poster
ISSTIUTNG · 09/12/2023 21:51

Coyoacan · 09/12/2023 21:35

It's a shame you are taking everything so negatively, OP, because there are some sound comments here. Don't stop your dd from dancing as long as she enjoys it, but cut down on the classes. I speak as the mother of a professional dancer.

I'm not taking any of the comments on here negatively if they're here to help. I'm fully taking on board the comments. I am only disregading the ones that are clearly only here to tell me what a crazy, shit mum I am without anything constructive. I've had a discussion with DP. We're in ageeement that we continue to take her as usual but that we monitor how she is in the lessons and if she's too tired to engage then we stop just the lessons that she is too tired for not all of them. There are the same lessons after school one evening so we could also try splitting them up but this would be hard ITO work commitments etc. It's just a hobby at the end of the day. I totally agree that it doesn't need to be this stressful for me or dd

OP posts:
hangingonfordearlife1 · 09/12/2023 21:54

ions she's 5!!!!! what the hell is wrong with you ????

FatMumSlimDad · 09/12/2023 21:58

Poor kids.

My 10yo does 3 hours per week of her own choice and is exhausted.

At 5 not a chance would I have let her do even 2 classes back to back.

I think its poor show that the school allow it for that age group.

DDs school doesn't take pre-school age thankfully and they go very very easy on the little ones.

Once they're teenage they're all incredible dancers so not starting at age 2 and only doing 30 minutes at age 4 doesn't seem to be holding g them back.

ButterCupPie · 09/12/2023 22:04

ISSTIUTNG · 09/12/2023 19:50

Amazing, thanks for your insight. I'll have my flux capacitor mended by tomorrow and go back in time and claim back all those hours that I wasted

Show quote history

That attitude is, in a nutshell, why I feel so very sorry for your daughter.

Original poster
ISSTIUTNG · 09/12/2023 22:10

ButterCupPie · 09/12/2023 22:04

That attitude is, in a nutshell, why I feel so very sorry for your daughter.

Show quote history

Oh FFS! Anoisagusaris made a pointless a derogatory comment that was of zero help so I made an equally pointless reply back for no reason other than to highlight how pointless their comment was. My reply in no way reflects my genuine thoughts. I don't think we've wasted time. My daughter is loved and happy and wants for nothing. Randomers on the internet don't need to feel sorry for her

OP posts:
Seeline · 09/12/2023 22:12

I don't think starting at 2/2.5 is necessarily unusual or wrong. It will depend on how the sessions were structured.

However, 4 x 30 minute lessons back to back on a Saturday after a week at school for a 5 year old is ridiculous! It's to much mentally and physically. Your DD is clearly showing you this.

If she likes dancing I would limit it to a couple of lessons max on one day. Perhaps another after school if she really wants, but I think most at that age will only do 2 a week.

I would be looking for a different school though. One that allows 5yo to do that amount in one go is not one I would be using.

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