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Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

Original poster

Dance lesson. Am I right to be upset?

80 replies

ISSTIUTNG · 09/12/2023 19:22

My 5.5 year old goes to a dance school. She has been going since she was 2. She didn't join in at all at first but as far as I was concerned she has improved vastly and this was no longer an issue. She's taken her first exam and got good results. She takes every lesson that she possibly can at her age and we do everything we're asked to do ITO shows/events etc

Lots of the kids do 4 lessons in row on Saturdays. It's well known that they are all (understandably) tired by the final lesson. Some of the kids are frequently coming out of the lessons, some having borderline tantrums because they're so fed up. I thought my dd was fine as she rarely comes out or anything. However, today one of the younger teachers came out of the lesson looking flustered and went to fetch the owner of the dance school. The owner then went into the lesson, came back out after a couple of minutes, made a beeline straight for me. In front of all the other parents she said my child (x) has been refusing to do anything for the last 2 lessons of the morning for a few weeks in a row claiming to be tired etc. Apparently she has been going to sit down and refusing to do anything for the lesson no matter what the teachers do. I was very clear that no way did I expect them to tolerate her disrupting the other kids and that if they can't get her to join in they're to send her straight out to me. My dd insists that she loves dancing and wants to keep going but I've made it clear to her that if this is how she's going to behave then we'll have to stop. When the owner talked to me she said she 'doesn't want me to be wasting my money'....

2 things have really upset me. I don't think it was at all necessary to drop this bombshell in front of the other parents. I feel really humiliated by this. As far as I'm concerned this has sent the message that my daughter is solely to blame for the anarchy that is their last lesson. I don't deny that she's being a pain in the butt by the sounds of it but she really isn't the only one. The second is the owner's comment about me wasting my money. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive but I feel like that's her way of saying they don't want my dd there any more. If the owner hadn't made this comment I would have just taken on board their comments, kept more of an eye on my dd and quit the lessons in a few weeks if my dd didn't improve. However, this comment has made me wonder if they've already made their mind up that they don't want her there, in which case they're absolutely right I don't want to give them another penny of my money.

Am I being overly sensitive? What would others do in this case? I know I shouldn't be letting it bother me but it's really upset me. Dance is quite a large part of mine and my daughter's life. I don't want to quit if she really likes it but nor do I want her to go somewhere several hours a week where she's just considered a massive burden.

OP posts:
GreenWheat · 09/12/2023 19:28

Sorry, what? A bunch of five year olds are doing four dance classes in a row? What is wrong with you all?!

PostmansKnock · 09/12/2023 19:29

Is it a 'bombshell' that your five year old is tired after two consecutive dance lessons on a Saturday?

It doesn't sound like the teacher was actually criticising your daughter. Just giving you the information. Perhaps it might have been more appropriate to,ask to speak,to you on your own but a child being tired in a dance lesson is just not that bad.

To me it sounds like you've blown it out of proportion with saying they should not tolerate it and that she is a burden.

Comefromaway · 09/12/2023 19:32

How long is each class?

I used to run classes for 4-6 year olds and they did 3 half hour classes back t back. Some were tired at the end. Any more would have been madness.

SgtJuneAckland · 09/12/2023 19:33

This is familiar, does she go to swimming lesson first?

Junemoon222 · 09/12/2023 19:36

This reply has been deleted

We're afraid we don't believe that the OP is genuine so we've removed their threads and posts.

Missingmybabysomuch · 09/12/2023 19:36

I don't think they meant they don't want her there? That certainly isn't how I would have interpreted it. I think it was more that if she isn't joining in or getting anything from the class then it IS a waste of your money, surely?
4 lessons does seem excessive at 5yo. Could she maybe just pick 2 that she would most like to do and focus on those? Any 5yo who is knackered, grumpy and refusing to take part is obviously a pain to the teacher but I wouldn't take it as a personal attack.

WashItTomorrow · 09/12/2023 19:36

She’s doing too much. They all are. Find a better school if you can.

Singleandproud · 09/12/2023 19:37

Stepping away from dance was the best thing for DD, like you it was a huge part of our lives lessons snowball from Mummy and Me ballet at two to most of Saturday and several days after school too and it's hard to stop especially with the the emotional and financial input

There are other similar activities, swimming lessons and then synchro, artistic roller / ice skating. Or stop for now and start again at 8 she'll catch up quickly with the rest of the cohort if it's something she likes.

We've found its best to have Saturday as a rest day after a week at school and then sport on Sundays instead

piscesangel · 09/12/2023 19:37

Comefromaway · 09/12/2023 19:32

How long is each class?

I used to run classes for 4-6 year olds and they did 3 half hour classes back t back. Some were tired at the end. Any more would have been madness.

Agree with this. Hour and a half total for that age is an absolute max - and I say that as mum of a 5 year old who has taken 6 dance classes this week, but they're in 3 separate sessions

LucyInTheParkWithDragons · 09/12/2023 19:39

Why on earth is your first reaction to kvetch, not to let the poor thing do less?

Original poster
ISSTIUTNG · 09/12/2023 19:42

To me it sounds like you've blown it out of proportion with saying they should not tolerate it and that she is a burden.

I didn't say she's a burden. To me she's incredible. I said I believe that they see her as a burden. By not tolerate it I don't mean punish her I mean that I need to be made aware and that we need to quit if necessary. I totally agree it's a lot. Until today though I thought she was handling it well. If she isn't, we drop the lessons, simple. It's the way it was handled that upset me and the fact that in a class full of kids who it seems were nearly all causing the teacher grief mine was singled out as the problem child.

OP posts:
Original poster
ISSTIUTNG · 09/12/2023 19:46

How long is each class?

Each class is 1/2 an hour long. They get 10 minutes or so between each one

OP posts:
PostmansKnock · 09/12/2023 19:47

I know you don't think she's a burden. But they aren't saying that either.

What I was saying is that you have chosen quite negative language to describe what has happened.

Original poster
ISSTIUTNG · 09/12/2023 19:48

PostmansKnock · 09/12/2023 19:47

I know you don't think she's a burden. But they aren't saying that either.

What I was saying is that you have chosen quite negative language to describe what has happened.

Because the way they've handled it feels very negative. That's kindof the point of the thread. I don't know whether this is typical of dance schools and I need to grow thicker skin or whether I should be looking elsewhere

OP posts:
Anoisagusaris · 09/12/2023 19:48

That’s a ridiculous amount of classes in a row for 5 year olds. And starting dance class at 2 is also crazy.

QuillBill · 09/12/2023 19:49

It's the way it was handled that upset me and the fact that in a class full of kids who it seems were nearly all causing the teacher grief mine was singled out as the problem child.

Why do you want your five year old to spend her Saturday morning in such a chaotic situation where children are causing grief?

ballsdeep · 09/12/2023 19:50

GreenWheat · 09/12/2023 19:28

Sorry, what? A bunch of five year olds are doing four dance classes in a row? What is wrong with you all?!

This!! Those poor kids!

Original poster
ISSTIUTNG · 09/12/2023 19:50

Anoisagusaris · 09/12/2023 19:48

That’s a ridiculous amount of classes in a row for 5 year olds. And starting dance class at 2 is also crazy.

Amazing, thanks for your insight. I'll have my flux capacitor mended by tomorrow and go back in time and claim back all those hours that I wasted

OP posts:
Snugglemonkey · 09/12/2023 19:53

I think that is too many dance classes in a week, never mind in a day!

Floralnomad · 09/12/2023 19:53

Your daughter is 5 , you need to sit her down and ask her if she wants to continue with the lessons and if so which lessons as you need to cut back on your current regime . Your posts do give the impression that dancing is’your’ thing and that’s why your daughter started at 2 , not because she was desperate to do so . I do think you’ve blown today’s comments out of proportion and seem more bothered about what the teacher / other parents think about you than the health and well being of your child .

Crazycrazylady · 09/12/2023 19:54

Honestly in my experience 'the wasting your money' comment can often mean that they don't think your dd will do terribly well at dancing and maybe you should point her in an another direction.
I think it's clear that the young instructor specifically mentioned your daughter in her complaints about general behaviour to the manager .
Not worth the drama I reckon. Sign her up for something else instead .

theduchessofspork · 09/12/2023 19:56

She’s doing too much

Just cut her classes down

I don’t think the teacher meant much by it

Please don’t give your daughter a hard fine over this

RudsyFarmer · 09/12/2023 19:59

I can’t get over the four lessons in a row at five. Is that even good for their growing bodies?

Original poster
ISSTIUTNG · 09/12/2023 19:59

Floralnomad · 09/12/2023 19:53

Your daughter is 5 , you need to sit her down and ask her if she wants to continue with the lessons and if so which lessons as you need to cut back on your current regime . Your posts do give the impression that dancing is’your’ thing and that’s why your daughter started at 2 , not because she was desperate to do so . I do think you’ve blown today’s comments out of proportion and seem more bothered about what the teacher / other parents think about you than the health and well being of your child .

I have asked her if she wants to keep doing it several times and the answer's always yes. Dancing isn't my thing. I've never taken a lesson in my life and although I'm musical I'm about as coordinated as bambi on rollerskates. DD on the other hand has very good gross motor skills and loves to be active hence why in general she really likes dancing

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 09/12/2023 20:01

Why is a 5yo doing 4 30 minute classes with 10 minute inbetween?

That's nearly 3 hours at dance class in one go.

It's madness.

I'm an ex dance teacher and dancer. We would do 3 x 1hr classes in a Saturday but not at 5!!! More like from secondary age!

5yo who wish to study ballet, modern and tap should do 2 on a weekend and 1 after school. 30minutes each.

That's more than enough!

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