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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
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TatianaLarina · 12/02/2019 18:59

and it equally means they have no say or input in what we do.

Unfortunately not, not if we want to trade with them.

TatianaLarina · 12/02/2019 19:00

Define good

Good is much better this.

This is pretty much scraping along the bottom.

BiglyBadgers · 12/02/2019 19:00

And the EU said "I know it's crap and we wish the UK wasn't being such an arse, but we'll stand by you Ireland."

And that was about where those negotiations ended.

Well, that was fun.

StepLadders007 · 12/02/2019 19:00

I'm off for the day. Toodles everyone. Catch you tomorrow.

StoorieHoose · 12/02/2019 19:01

Do you think that if Scotland joined the EU they would be treated as an equal partners with a veto and all that or would they be ignored like in Westminster

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 19:01

I love to see populists put democracy into action.

TatianaLarina · 12/02/2019 19:01

See ya! Bring a cleverer friend next time.

BiglyBadgers · 12/02/2019 19:02

Ireland can bugger off

Peace treaties right, who needs 'um?

Oh wait, all those people who don't want another war.

StoorieHoose · 12/02/2019 19:02

It's almost like stepladder was clocking off shift - dead on 7pm

prettybird · 12/02/2019 19:02

Shift over Wink

Whiney123 · 12/02/2019 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Jericho1 · 12/02/2019 19:02

Exclusive: UK chief Brexit negotiator Olly Robbins warns MPs the choice is May’s deal or extension

www.itv.com/news/2019-02-12/exclusive-uk-chief-brexit-negotiator-olly-robbins-warns-mps-the-choice-is-mays-deal-or-extension/

It's not Spitting Image, but @Rowland72James is a good follow.

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 19:03

Stoorie you would get the same stuff as the other countries and a number of MEPs roughly proportional to your population. Because that is the rules.

When England invades, everyone will have your back.

1tisILeClerc · 12/02/2019 19:03

(I'm 48 chicken}
Bloody kids!

Whiney123 · 12/02/2019 19:04

Stoorie

I think it would be much worse for Scotland in the eu - at least in the British system they are a big fish in a little pond

bellinisurge · 12/02/2019 19:04

If you really are 48 and you really did live in NI before GFA, you'll know that fucking with it is stupid. Unless you are a DUP wanker and you hate GFA. And Darwin. And a woman's right to choose.

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 19:05

Overlapping shifts cool.

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 19:05

If the UK tried bullying Ireland so openly, or tearing up the GFA,
the US would slap down the Uk government so hard their heads would still be spinning when they lose th next General Election

I remember during the Troubles how US politicians avoided even being photgraphed when the N Sec of State would come over.
All the US pressure on the UK that helped stop policies like internment and the 5 torture techniques on prisoners
The constant pressure to talk to the IRA

and of course in the 1990s, while the IRA was bombing mainland Britain, Trump so proudly having his photo taken at an IRA / SInn Fein fundraising dinner

He'll do a trade deal with Britain - but order the PM back to the NI-only backstop

Jericho1 · 12/02/2019 19:06

Here's Smogg threatening violence from a convicted nazi thug in order to get his brexit tax breaks.

Nice.

@JacobReesMogg
Failing to leave the EU would inevitably benefit Tommy Robinson: is that what the Cooper-Boles amendment was really aiming for?

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 19:07

in response to the Ollie Robbins article

David Phinnemore @DPhinnemore
Interesting on backstop. But would journalists please read the purpose of the ‘backstop’: ”maintain the necessary conditions for North-South cooperation, avoid a hard border and protect the 1998 Agreement in all its dimensions”

OP posts:
Whiney123 · 12/02/2019 19:07

That’s my shift done guys - thanks for your unicorns and sour grapes. Better luck next referendum! :)

DangermousesSidekick · 12/02/2019 19:09

and it equally means they have no say or input in what we do. We don't have to follow any political laws. We just want to buy their shit and for them to buy our shit.

And for them to buy our 'shit' as you so accurately put it, we have to make 'shit' that they like and will buy. That means it needs to be good, because Europe has standards. If our stuff does not meet their standards, they will not buy it. We will have no more say in what those standards will consist of. They are big enough in the remaining 27 that they will not need to - we do not make anything uniquely necessary, that cannot be produced better on the continent and with more attention to those standards.

So we will be reduced to a cringing servile 'how high did you say sir' country to the EU as well as to the US. Cheers. You said you were proud, or was that the other one? At least the EU, since it does have standards unlike the US, will not make us eat chlorine.

StoorieHoose · 12/02/2019 19:09

Hahahaha big fish in a small pond? Are we an invisible fish?

TatianaLarina · 12/02/2019 19:09

Have we got any further with the 27th Feb lark?

BiglyBadgers · 12/02/2019 19:12

I haven’t seen much negotiation from the eu - just heavy handed tactics with a touch of blackmail.

Tactics like threatening an international peace treaty because we wouldn't let them have their way even though it meant tearing up everything we stood for....oh no...I think that was us doing that to them, my bad.

I'm sure you have lots of examples of this blackmail you speak of though.

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