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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
35
Littlespaces · 14/02/2019 16:08

I know an organisation that stands up for our human rights Liam.

Duh brain.

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 16:19

Hazard Sad💐

So sorry and so angry you are going through this desperate worry
all for, as Verhofstadt called it: "a Tory catfight that got out of hand"

Jericho1 · 14/02/2019 16:19

David Davies is having a bit of a funny turn in HOC now, worth a watch.Grin

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 16:22

To be fair to Fox - never thought I'd write those words ! -

even the most brilliant trade minister in the world couldn't have managed to roll over more than a few trade deals,

given the very weak position, economic uncertainty and total chaos that this Tory catfight have thrown the country in

BigChocFrenzy · 14/02/2019 16:25

What human rights was Fox protecting wrt Japan, Canada ... ?

prettybird · 14/02/2019 16:52

Dominic Grieve's contribution to the debate was excoriating.

In addition to saying that there were people who wanted a plastic cake and think it's edible Grin, he also said that the continued threat of No Deal as a negotiating strategy was like a toddler threatening to hold their breath until they get the toys that they want Shock and was totally irresponsible Angry (and you could feel his anger). He went on to finish with comment that if they continued to pursue that strategy, he was finding it increasingly difficult to support the Government......Angry

wheresmymojo · 14/02/2019 16:56

@SusanWalker

Just catching up with the thread...

They scheduled parents evening on Valentine's?

Are they trying to dampen any libidous thoughts to reduce population growth as a medium term budget management strategy?

wheresmymojo · 14/02/2019 17:01

Dominic Grieve's contribution to the debate was excoriating

I can't read 'excoriate' without thinking it sounds like a Harry Potter spell Blush

DGRossetti · 14/02/2019 17:01

Dominic Grieve's contribution to the debate was excoriating.

Yeah, yeah .... whatever HmmHmmHmmHmmHmm

He went on to finish with comment that if they continued to pursue that strategy, he was finding it increasingly difficult to support the Government.

The time to have said that was 2 years ago. Too late too late the awful cry

(I still want to know where that line comes from. Dr. Google is predictably useless. It was a saying of my DMs and it sounded like it came from a poem.)

We're all on the burning deck. A lecture on how we shouldn't smoke below decks isn't really what's needed right now.

TalkinPeece · 14/02/2019 17:03

((((((( Hazard )))))))
I have a friend with a disease so rare I can spot which research papers are written about which family.
It makes discussing it on forums impossible Sad

However, this just popped up on my FB feed and it cheered me up
nothing to do with Brexit
just funny (Trump by the way)

wheresmymojo · 14/02/2019 17:13

Another Valentine's ode...written by Larry the Cat

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
Sostenueto · 14/02/2019 17:21

Can someone explain to me why the H o C doesn't want TM to bring back an amended WA by 26th February? Angry

TheresaMayIsATerrorist · 14/02/2019 17:22

I see Labour are abstaining again FFS! Angry

Sostenueto · 14/02/2019 17:24

Did SNP abstain on labour amendment?

67chevvyimpala · 14/02/2019 17:24

Dominic grieve makes my bloody blood boil!

He's like soubry. All talk and no knickers.

Ffs.

prettybird · 14/02/2019 17:25

To be fair on Grieve, he did say that he'd spent the 1st year after the Referendum assuming that there were grown ups in charge the Government was trying to work on a realistic deal that wouldn't be too damaging, but he'd come to the realisation that he was wrong and that they really were heading us off the cliff - despite the majority in the House, if not openly in the Chamber, but in the tea rooms, being against No Deal.

We should be grateful for MPs who admit that they've made a mistake. His closing remarks were an implicit almost explicit threat that if he had to, to stop No Deal, he would support a VONC.

DGRossetti · 14/02/2019 17:25

I see Labour are abstaining again FFS!

One day closer to no deal, one day shorter of breath (apologies to "the Floyd" Grin )

67chevvyimpala · 14/02/2019 17:25

He's said it all before....

DGRossetti · 14/02/2019 17:27

To be fair on Grieve, he did say that he'd spent the 1st year after the Referendum assuming that there were grown ups in charge the Government was trying to work on a realistic deal that wouldn't be too damaging,

Because he's inside the house. If he could somehow have spent 5 minutes outside the house and seen things with our (the plebs) eyes, he'd have taken a different tack.

Sostenueto · 14/02/2019 17:29

Well that's it for revoke then.

1tisILeClerc · 14/02/2019 17:30

The WA is not going to be amended. The EU 27 have said this for months and as the UK is not prepared to compromise the EU are resigned to a crash out if necessary.
If Corbyn's letter has anything useful in it then it can be negotiated and discussed AFTER the WA is signed and indeed the EU would expect it.

derxa · 14/02/2019 17:30

Can someone explain to me why the H o C doesn't want TM to bring back an amended WA by 26th February? angry Who knows? It's an absolute mystery.

Sostenueto · 14/02/2019 17:31

Listened to some of the debate this afternoon. Nothing new at all!

Sostenueto · 14/02/2019 17:34

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock. I'm so ashamed to call these idiots our Parliament and Government. Will I ever be able to hold my head up ever againSad

prettybird · 14/02/2019 17:34

Sos - no, SNP didn't abstain on the Labour amendment. But almost all of Labour abstained on the SNP amendment.

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