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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

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Thread gallery
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PestyMachtubernahme · 13/02/2019 22:36

Does that make 80% of us surplus to requirement?

RedToothBrush · 13/02/2019 23:26

Tom Newton Dunn @tnewtondunn
Excl: Tories target Jeremy Corbyn’s integrity as secret polling reveals just 11% now think he is principled after Brexit flip flops
www.thesun.co.uk/news/brexit/8422620/jeremy-corbyn-integrity-collapse-brexit/
Theresa May attacks Jeremy Corbyn over Brexit flip-flopping as secret poll shows trust in him has plummeted

Trust in the Labour leader has fallen to just 11% from a previous figure of 40%, a poll found

Do you think this story relates in anyway to the cover of the Guardian??

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
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RedToothBrush · 13/02/2019 23:27

The Netherlands loves Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
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TatianaLarina · 13/02/2019 23:32

Oh dear, the ambassadors’ letter has it spot on:

”If the prime minister’s deal is passed in parliament it will not be the end of Brexit but will in fact mark the start of year upon on year of negotiation and renegotiation – truly a ‘Brexternity’ of endless uncertainty about our future for both citizens and businesses alike.”

LurpakIsTheOnlyButter · 13/02/2019 23:47

Skipped through the thread as been trying to read for days but (sethblatter) stepladder007's constant, petty, inarticulate arguments and juvenile taunts have been making me feel like I'm an extra in one flew over the cuckoo's nest!

I see at least 5 pages with no input from above poster. I can only hope she has had a rice pudding related accident that is keeping her quiet for now.

Please resume conversation and I will resume reading and the formulation of independent thought.

Wish others would too. What an utter shitshow this all is.

RedToothBrush · 13/02/2019 23:55

Tom Newton Dunn @tnewtondunn
ERG accuses May of making secret pact with Remainer Tories to end their revolt by quietly take no deal off the table

www.thesun.co.uk/news/brexit/8422744/theresa-may-valentines-chaos-brexit/amp/?__twitter_impression=true
Brexiteers vow to defeat Theresa May over her ‘soft deal’ today to ensure two more weeks of negotiations
Eurosceptics are said to be furious with the wording of a motion claiming it is against a No Deal Brexit

May’s eleventh hour Brexit talks could be plunged into chaos again if Tory hardliners carry out a threat to defeat her in the Commons.

A 50-strong group of Eurosceptics vowed to withdraw their support for the PM in a symbolic vote to endorse two more weeks of negotiations.

They are furious with the wording of No10’s motion, claiming it endorses Parliament’s close vote two weeks ago against carrying out Brexit without a deal.

Senior figures in the European Research Group accused Mrs May of entering into a secret pact with Remainer Tory rebels to end their own revolt this week by quietly pushing no deal off the table.

A leading ERG source told The Sun: “She has done a deal with the Remainers to get their votes.

“That’s why the Chief Whip refused to reword the motion when we pleaded with him. It’s unacceptable.”

Diddums.

50 ERG members huh?

What happened to the other 30?

Let you remind you of the 'up to 60 Labour rebels, considering supporting the WA'. Its tight on numbers. Incredibly tight. But if the ERG hardlines plus the DUP are 60 or less, May MIGHT be able to get the WA passed eventually.

Plus we know there are the numbers to take no deal off the table in theory. Only problem is how the practice of that works. If no deal can still be reached by accident its an issue. And since we can not unilaterally extend A50 alone, that's somewhat of an issue. Yes we could ask for it, but if the terms of that don't meet our criteria then what? Does no deal come back as a possibility? The only way to full prevent that is a revoke clause. Ironically.

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RedToothBrush · 14/02/2019 00:03

www.thesun.co.uk/news/brexit/8422744/theresa-may-valentines-chaos-brexit/amp/?__twitter_impression=true
Brexiteers vow to defeat Theresa May over her ‘soft deal’ today to ensure two more weeks of negotiations
Eurosceptics are said to be furious with the wording of a motion claiming it is against a No Deal Brexit

May’s eleventh hour Brexit talks could be plunged into chaos again if Tory hardliners carry out a threat to defeat her in the Commons.

A 50-strong group of Eurosceptics vowed to withdraw their support for the PM in a symbolic vote to endorse two more weeks of negotiations.

They are furious with the wording of No10’s motion, claiming it endorses Parliament’s close vote two weeks ago against carrying out Brexit without a deal.

Senior figures in the European Research Group accused Mrs May of entering into a secret pact with Remainer Tory rebels to end their own revolt this week by quietly pushing no deal off the table.

A leading ERG source told The Sun: “She has done a deal with the Remainers to get their votes.

“That’s why the Chief Whip refused to reword the motion when we pleaded with him. It’s unacceptable.”

Diddums

I think one thing to look for tomorrow is simply how many hard-line ERG (and DUP) stick together.

The ERG number 80 ish. So 50 marks a split.

There is talk of up to 60 Labour MPs ultimately backing May's deal.

That makes it tight. Very tight.

More than 50 hard line Brexiteers and we are fucked. Fewer... We might have a chance yet.

Also could this be a double cross by May?

No deal being the default and the UK not having unilateral control over extension means, an extension written into law alone can not stop no deal. No deal can only be one hundred percent blocked with a revokation clause.

May could promise with one hand whilst screwing over with the other hand. Simply because of accidental brexshit.

Ironically.

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PostNotInHaste · 14/02/2019 07:07

I’d like to repost what I posted on the medicine thread:

*We’ve been incredibly lucky and I will be forever grateful to the Westminstenders threads on here as they alerted very early to the fact there might be shortages. DH uses slightly less insulin than ‘allowed’ if that makes sense so for years had been putting in prescriptions in later than ‘expected’. He’s been putting them in on time for a fair bit now which means a surplus has gradually built up.

However for most people who are on tablets where it’s a set dosage it’s not possible to do this frequency is closely monitored, as seen in posts above.*

We will be forever grateful for these threads, we wouldn’t have realised anywhere near so early of the potential implications for DH as a T1 diabetic and are now in the position where we don’t need to worry, though hugely feel for those who do. Without all the work you have all done on here we’d be in a very different position, a huge thank you to you all Flowers

67chevvyimpala · 14/02/2019 07:18

💐To you post

SparklySneakers · 14/02/2019 07:34

Reading the news I sense a change and potential hope.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 14/02/2019 07:38

Is it the usual 7:30 voting start?

BambooBoobam · 14/02/2019 07:40

Please can someone explain what is being voted on today? TIA

wherearemychickens · 14/02/2019 07:43

What is the sense hope Sparkly? I could do with some - didn't get to sleep until 2am last night worrying, so bleary eyed this morning.

wherearemychickens · 14/02/2019 07:44

Oh god, John Redwood on my local radio again. I can't stand him.

bellinisurge · 14/02/2019 07:49

I genuinely think that the grown ups will do anything to avoid No Deal if it comes to it. Including TM.
The rest is just hateful noise.
I'm a general prepper with Irish citizenship so I can say that.

67chevvyimpala · 14/02/2019 07:57

please share sparkly!

lonelyplanetmum · 14/02/2019 07:58

Why is John Redwood even a thing?

(I just typed Why is John Redwood even a thong? - not a good start to the day!)

His knighthood was astonishing.

I think I suggested before that he could be used in an MP management training boot camp as an example of how not to act?

You could use him as a handy case study of how MPs should not deal with the press using:

• his FT piece advising investors to take their money out of Britain and put it elsewhere? Yes promoting Brexit by talking down the markets and encouraging capital to flee.

•Then you could use a video of him as Welsh Sec pretending to know the words to the Welsh national anthem.

•	Then telling people to buy <strong>non-existent British cars</strong>. Caterhams anyone? 

---

Then as an example of how not to curry favour with the public you could use his stance on badger culling and fox hunting.

Also his voting against equal gay rights and allowing gay marriage.

Then his voting EU nationals who have already lived in the UK and raised families having a right to remain.

Plus his voting against raising welfare benefits in line with prices, but in favour of reducing tax for those earning over £150,000. Plus his voting against prevention of climate change.

He's not a thing or a thong. He's nothing.

SparklySneakers · 14/02/2019 08:02

Rushing to get ready for school run so only skim read but something about TM's amendments that equal no brexit if no formal deal. SNP wanting no brexit if no deal. That's the most I've heard no brexit discusses by parliament so it gives me hope.

Jericho1 · 14/02/2019 08:04

Coach loads of Leave Means Leave employees expected at Westminster today.
Leave Means Leave thug James Goddard was arrested yesterday in Manchester. He was filmed committing the crime for which he was arrested.
Industrial quantities of targeted messages being sent to tory voters.

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
1tisILeClerc · 14/02/2019 08:08

I was watching the BBC documentary (youtube) of the French revolution.
The details didn't really sink in but it suggested the storming of the Bastille was significantly a 'women's event' in that many were the women who 'process' fish and as such were strong and handy with sharp knives as many guards discovered when they lost their heads when things got serious.

1tisILeClerc · 14/02/2019 08:13

Maybe if 'Ruth' would actually describe fully what a 'Brexit' is, it would be a start.

RedToothBrush · 14/02/2019 08:13

Peter Foster @pmdfoster
Northern Irish businesses are being left in the lurch by #Brexit- what does that mean? /1

Just spent three days on the road talking to NI business - a haulier, an engineering firm, a concrete business, a ship fitters...

What does Westminster #Brexit impasse mean when denominated in real world currency? /2

It means that haulage company may decide to invest heavily in the Republic to continue to serve its customers - which means some of their 200 employees in the North are likely to lose their jobs. They will also pay more of their taxes in Dublin, not to the Exchequer in London./3

It means that an engineering firm I visited has delayed investment in a million pounds worth of new plant for their factory, and the purchase of new vans and forklifts because big infrastructure contracts in the UK are being put on hold./4

As a result, their concrete business is flat, so they are sitting on their cash as a precaution. That means someone else’s business didn’t make a sale; someone else’s wages are less likely to get paid, and the business over time becomes less competitive and efficient. /5

It means a potentially painful decision for a company that fits out cruise liners and is looking to expand - but is torn between making a new £30m investment in Northern Ireland, where they currently employ 600 people, or shifting to Poland. /6

If NIreland gets the nod, that will create 400 jobs. If not, they will go to the EU where the company already recruits a lot of skilled carpenters and plumbers who - at NI wage rates - may not meet the definition of ‘skilled’ when post-Brexit immigration controls come in/7

They also know that when the new bathrooms and bars are flat-packed into containers for dispatch to the dry docks where ships are refitted, any delays at ports or with customs and permits will open the door to hungry EU competitors. It might be safer to relocate. /8

So for business owners it means stress - like the wind turbine gearbox refurbishment company that ships crews and their tools all over the EU to fix broken windmills, and still has no clue on what basis it will do this after Brexit. /9

The company already has clients getting jumpy about a ‘no deal’, and whether it’s worth the risk signing contracts that might harder to honour if a ‘no deal’ occurs. /10

But companies and owners are ultimately sanguine because the know they can usually shift and adapt, but it’s their employees - the welders, chippies and truck drivers - for whom they really fear. Often from families they’ve employed for a long time, often in a small community/11

So there was a vote. The world changes. The people voted for Brexit and Brexit needs to be delivered - that is accepted by most people, even here where the vote was to remain and Nationalists dune over an English/DUP brexit being imposed. /12

But a chaotic, disorderly Brexit where six weeks before B-Day the Prime Minister still can’t show a clear pathway to a deal? And now she wants to dice with a ‘no deal’ all the way to the March European Council, a week before exit day? That’s what really angers people. /13 ENDS

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1tisILeClerc · 14/02/2019 08:14

Since 'Brexit' is a nebulous concept, can you be arrested for 'stealing' it?

RedToothBrush · 14/02/2019 08:16

Please can someone explain what is being voted on today?

Amendments to the WA.

It's anticlimatic as the big one (Cooper Boles) has been put off until the 27th.

Next vote is thought to be more significant now.

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bluebluewindows · 14/02/2019 08:57

I’m amazed that the DUP are being allowed to carry on in their merry treaty and economy wrecking way by their voters in NI. I had assumed that many of their supporters were small business owners and/or skilled or semi-skilled workers, precisely those who would be harmed most by a no deal Brexit, which the DUP are steadily propelling us towards with their intransigence and “blood red lines”. They are the ultimate cakeist party, simultaneously insisting on something (no hard border) while knowing it’s not possible (WTO requirements).
When will their supporters point this out to them?