Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
35
SwedishEdith · 13/02/2019 16:43

BBC News (World)
@BBCWorld

Irish border technology 'could take 10 years' #brexit

twitter.com/BBCWorld/status/1095724287082803201

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-47228959?ocid=socialflow_twitter

DGRossetti · 13/02/2019 16:49

Irish Taoiseach Bertie Ahern

I thought that was Leo ? Or does the Irish way mean that former Taoiseachs keep the style ?

DGRossetti · 13/02/2019 16:49

Irish border technology 'could take 10 years' #brexit

Like fusion power, and moonbases then ?

BigChocFrenzy · 13/02/2019 16:51

The problem with the UK not adding any checks on Irish goods
is that under WTO rules we would probably have to do the same to all other countries in the world

Hence no other country would have any reason to sign a deal with the UK, because they would already have the best possible trade situation:
we would be waving all their goods through, while they would be imposing WTO tariffs and their standard NTB (non-tariff barriers) for 3rd countries

Brexiters have claimed there is a WTO exception that we could wave through only EU goods, or only RoI goods

BUT
I read legal opinion that this exception would only apply if we were to start trade talks with the EU immediately after Brexit Day

  • and of course the EU would refuse any such negotiations until we sign up to everything in the WA .... including the NI backstop.

The WTO court is currently barely functional, due to the US blocking the appointment of new judges
BUT
countries who thought the UK was treating their goods less favourably than Ireland's, could decide to apply punitive sanctions against the UK, like Trump did against China (but more intelligently than he did)

OhYouBadBadKitten · 13/02/2019 16:51

@Hazards check your mn email address to see if you've received an email from mn.

BigChocFrenzy · 13/02/2019 16:56

10 years is very optimistic, because we need to deal with UNtrusted Traders, as well as Trusted Traders

e.g. How does this technology check look inside a vehicle and determine what kind of goods it is carrying
and whether any certification etc they have is true or fraudulent

Is that N Irish beef, or US beef - which does not fulfill EU standards - imported from England ?

How do you even start writing the specs for such a system Confused

Jericho1 · 13/02/2019 16:57

New thread.
For 'Leavers' opinions on Crash Out medicine shortages.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eu_referendum_2016_/3507320-MNHQ-here-your-thoughts-around-Brexit-and-medicines-and-what-Leave-voters-think-now

Perfectly Normal.

Hasenstein · 13/02/2019 16:57

Irish Taoiseach Bertie Ahern

At a recent quiz night, our table won on the last question: Spell Taoiseach.

We were the only ones to get it right, but it was also funny to hear mutterings from other tables, like "What does it mean?", "It must be some foreign thing". Many people said they'd heard it, but never seen it written down. I directed them to MN Grin

Incidentally, do any other men on here get incredulous looks when they say they use MN? Everyone I know thinks I'm a bit weird when I tell them that there's no comparably excellent Brexit thread anywhere on t'Internet. Mind you, most think I'm a bit weird anyway, so this just adds to their assumption.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 13/02/2019 16:59

In the Independent article linked to above, there's a claim that we won't need extra capacity because works at Calais will be finished. But this article says that it's just an empty field: www.theguardian.com/politics/2019/jan/21/lorry-drivers-calais-brexit-frontline-no-deal-trade-queues

BackInTime · 13/02/2019 17:00

Apologies former Taoiseach.

Interesting that Brexiter Craig MacKinlay cannot get his head around the idea that Irish people are putting peace in NI before damage to the economy. What’s worse is he is suggesting that the Irish government might not be reflecting the views of its people. Since when did Brexiters start being so bothered about people’s views on damage to the economy Hmm

“I’m surprised that it isn’t been addressed or the people of [the] republic aren’t saying, ‘come on government, you’re not actually reflecting our views here and get on with something different, have the flexibility the UK is looking for and we can get a deal over the line’,” said Mackinlay.

Jericho1 · 13/02/2019 17:02

That old chestnut: "Why doesn't ROI re join the UK"
To be fair, it was posed by a good SNP MP who asked it, to show how insulting a question it is but..........

www.irishmirror.ie/news/irish-news/politics/bertie-ahern-irish-rejoin-uk-13995157?utm_source=twitter.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=shareba
r

But this country now seems lunatic beyond help.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 13/02/2019 17:03

ok, so what medication news is about to break given the i want to do an article and I've been contacted today by mn about a different journalist who wants to talk to me about my medication issue?

1tisILeClerc · 13/02/2019 17:10

Hasenstein
I work on the premise that MN states 'by parents for parents', and I am in that category.
I'm looking forward to 30 March so I can cancel MN and do something more productive. I'm only here for the Brexit.

Inniu · 13/02/2019 17:12

I think that it is beyond Craig MacKinlay and other Brexiteers imagination to understand that other nationalities have national pride and care about their own sovereignty too.

That they would chose to put their fundamental national interest over short term economic difficulties.

As I explain to my otherwise lovely English Brexiteer family member- think Star Wars. You are the evil Empire, we are the rebel’s and we are never going to “rejoin”

BigChocFrenzy · 13/02/2019 17:16

Don't Brexiter MPs ever bother to look at Irish opinion polls, instead of pretending they know what Irish voters think 🤦🏻‍♀️

(Brexiters are still being educated that English people aren't automatically entitled to an Irish passport on demand)

90% of Irish voters want to stay in the EU
Noone has been daft enough to poll Ireland on rejoining the UK

Only 7% think Varadkar should give more concessions to the UK
79% of voters oppose this and half of them in fact think he has already given too much

DGRossetti · 13/02/2019 17:21

New thread.For 'Leavers' opinions on Crash Out medicine shortages.

It's only a post directing people to a journalist, not a thread. I read it and almost contacted MNHQ to point out that since it's asking for two things, it should be two posts to avoid confusion. Then I decided not to, as it's probably my irritating insistence for precision (or is it accuracy ?)

It's actually asking for (a) peoples experiences and thoughts on medicine shortages and (b) what Leavers are thinking now.

If they wanted a more thorough response, it should have been posted in AIBU ....

BigChocFrenzy · 13/02/2019 17:24

Ireland isn't really even putting principal over economics:
it's prioritising medium and longterm economics over very short term

A goods border would be damaging to Ireland's economy (and to NI's)

If Ireland hold firm, the UK will be forced after Brexit to sign up to the backstop - or the EU will refuse to start trade talks that the UK will desperately need

If Ireland abandon the backstop, the UK will have no incentive to ever sign up to one

The reason Tories want to ditch a backstop is clearly because they think it WILL be needed
They want to do the kind of trade deals with non-EU countries which would force Ireland to put up a goods border (or Irexit)

Motheroffourdragons · 13/02/2019 17:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ to protect the privacy of the user.

DGRossetti · 13/02/2019 17:31

Oooohhh hadn't thought of that ... even though I got all the forms for the Italian elections recently.

Motheroffourdragons · 13/02/2019 17:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ to protect the privacy of the user.

BigChocFrenzy · 13/02/2019 17:33

If the UK is still in the EU and participates in the MEP elections, all legally resident EU citizens are entitled to vote.

So, get on the electoral register just in case !

RedToothBrush · 13/02/2019 17:50

Michael Moran @themichaelmoran
In other news to make Steve Coogan wonder if all his jokes were in fact prophecies, Farage’s new Brexit party has its HQ in a poorly-reviewed Norfolk B&B

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 13/02/2019 17:51

Jane Merrick @ janemerrick23
Top trolling by Ken Clarke on the PM programme describing the ERG as a “breakaway party”

OP posts:
Motheroffourdragons · 13/02/2019 17:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ to protect the privacy of the user.

Motheroffourdragons · 13/02/2019 17:57

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ to protect the privacy of the user.

Swipe left for the next trending thread