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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

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jasjas1973 · 13/02/2019 13:59

Well, there could still be a PV.

Just cannot see May calling a GE, it is such a risky strategy - could easily see JC as PM and for her that would be a far bigger disaster than a no-deal crash out.

DGRossetti · 13/02/2019 14:00

So after no deal we would still have to sign up to the provisions in the Withdrawal agreement - the backstop, citizen's rights, monies owed - but would have lost the status quo entirely.

That's my understanding - no trade talks until that's all legally signed.

Has there been any discussion of the EU choosing themselves to offer us a short extension extension - so they don't look like the bad guys - as we approach the cliff?

Again, my understanding (and feeling) is no, because it won't happen. Unlike the UK, post-Brexit, the EU won't need any favours from anyone, so hasn't really got the same worries about image. The EU is a grown up organisation, not a teenager.

The only scenario in which the UK would get an extension would be where a clear and definitive roadmap with milestones is presented and that an extension would facilitate.

I think there's been an underappreciation of what happened last week, when Barnier let rip. Somewhere, underneath all the Leaver froth, a door closed. If you view the EU as the sensible ones on this thread, then they've had enough of the Steps and Whineys constant attempts to derail and drag out Brexit until it overwhelms everything. They've given it all their attention for two years, and don't even have a T-Shirt for their efforts. Meanwhile the rest of the world moves on, and the EU has an agenda to fulfil.

Motheroffourdragons · 13/02/2019 14:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ to protect the privacy of the user.

DGRossetti · 13/02/2019 14:16

.

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
borntobequite · 13/02/2019 14:26

Hello, this is borntobequiet now borntobequite after a name change having had probs with account. Annoying.

lonelyplanetmum · 13/02/2019 14:28

Hello Born

It's enough to make you paranoid. I haven't delved into site stuff but are other threads having problems or just this one?

RedToothBrush · 13/02/2019 14:42

Afp news agency @ afp
#UPDATE The European Commission proposes adding seven countries including Saudi Arabia to the EU's money-laundering blacklist of governments that do too little to thwart the financing of terrorism and organised crime

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RedToothBrush · 13/02/2019 14:45

Councilor Europe @ coe
#CoE warns against risk of algorithmic processes being used to manipulate social and political behaviours #ArtificialIntelligence #AIFINCoE

t.co/dv4o92lrsf?amp=1

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RedToothBrush · 13/02/2019 14:47

The Council of Europe has called on its 47 member states to tackle the risk that individuals may not be able to form their opinions and take decisions independently of automated systems, and that they may even be subjected to manipulation due to the use of advanced digital technologies, in particular micro-targeting techniques.

Machine learning tools have the growing capacity not only to predict choices but also to influence emotions and thoughts, sometimes subliminally. In a Declaration adopted today, the Committee of Ministers - the organisation’s decision-making body - warns about the risks for democratic societies resulting from the possibility to employ such tools to manipulate and control not only economic choices, but also social and political behaviours.

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TalkinPeece · 13/02/2019 14:48

On the fourth day of Brexit my Government gave to me
Four ministerial resignations from DeXEU
Three Narnia trade deals
Two Ramsgate Ferries
and a Unicorn in a May tree

LonelyandTiredandLow · 13/02/2019 14:48

It's almost as if the EU is showing us up at every turn!

DG I'm in agreement with you - I heard the speech last week and felt we had been told by EU there was no point coming back with the same set of papers and the negotiations were over.

All we are doing is going around in circles and trying to ignore it. I wish they would just get on with preparations for no deal and be honest with the country. We need to start funding operations/ports/databases and warning people about how their safety could be compromised. My town just installed bollards "in case of a terror attack", which I think is quite telling.

DGRossetti · 13/02/2019 14:51

This needs to be shared again ... and again ... and again ...

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
Littlespaces · 13/02/2019 14:52

I particularly enjoyed this poster's reply on the Digby Jones tweet.

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
DGRossetti · 13/02/2019 14:52

#UPDATE The European Commission proposes adding seven countries including Saudi Arabia to the EU's money-laundering blacklist of governments that do too little to thwart the financing of terrorism and organised crime

Suggests an interesting discussion when the UK is a 3rd country and wants a deal with the EU.

prettybird · 13/02/2019 14:58

NB: I know most of the people who post on here regularly will know this, but the Council of Europe is nothing to do with the EU. It was co-founded by the UK (the brainchild of Winston Churchill) in 1949 and has 47 member states.

It was set up to uphold democracy, human rights and the rule of law across Europe. One of its "outputs" was the European Convention on Human Rights and the hated by May and the ERG ECHR comes under its auspices.

It will no doubt be the next target of the ERG and the anti-globalisers. Hmm

DGRossetti · 13/02/2019 14:58

I wish they would just get on with preparations for no deal and be honest with the country. We need to start funding operations/ports/databases and warning people about how their safety could be compromised.

No point. It's impossible to do in 44 days what's built up over 44+ years. No point whatsover.

I went to Kenya without enough time for one of the jabs (Yellow Fever, IIRC). The doctors logic was that I was better off not having it, and being as healthy as possible than risk having it and being debilitated and at risk of any number of nasties.

We're better off saving our energy for B-Day, not wasting it chasing our tails now. That's my personal view.

1tisILeClerc · 13/02/2019 15:07

Littlespaces
I am not convinced that it it is the 'real' Digby Jones. The real one would not be so crass. He may be a little over optimistic in saying that the UK should leave but in 2016 and with proper negotiations the UK could have made a decent go at it.

DGRossetti · 13/02/2019 15:08

The "Digby" tweet was originally from Dara O'Briains feed, I don't think it's the real one either ...

usuallydormant · 13/02/2019 15:09

www.irishtimes.com/opinion/fintan-o-toole-the-uk-is-taking-back-not-control-but-tedium-1.3790074

Worth thinking about...

Those ships have already sailed. Since last Friday, freighters leaving UK ports for Australia and New Zealand are sailing into the unknown. Their voyage will take 50 days, so they will arrive after March 29th, which means they have departed with no idea of what trading regime will apply when they try to land their goods.

and

One of the things we’ve all had to learn since June 2016 is precisely that we don’t have to think about the boring stuff because the EU does it for us. Only when it is thrown into doubt do we realise how much tedium the EU has taken from us. Life is too short to spend it thinking about customs codes and VAT regimes and safety standards for light bulbs and roaming charges for mobile phones. .....

(Brexit) is a repatriation of boredom. What it takes back is not “control”, but all the bureaucratic monotony, the form-filling, the box ticking, the acronyms, the technical specifications, the “sorry, mate, we don’t have your WTF-666 declaration and the office is now closed until Monday”. It will not be a bonfire of red tape; the tape will simply become red, white and blue instead.

Not exactly an inspiring rallying cry for remain, but a real one.

Littlespaces · 13/02/2019 15:10

twitter.com/Digbylj

Jericho1 · 13/02/2019 15:12

A cover up in Islington.

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
Violetparis · 13/02/2019 15:16

I've read the view that the Cooper amendment is not likely to pass as Labour MPs in Leave areas will vote against it again. The reasoning behind this being that Olly Robbins has said there will be an extension. These Labour MPs won't risk the wrath of their Leave voting constituents by supporting the amendment.

DGRossetti · 13/02/2019 15:25

I've read the view that the Cooper amendment is not likely to pass as Labour MPs in Leave areas will vote against it again. The reasoning behind this being that Olly Robbins has said there will be an extension.

There won't

These Labour MPs won't risk the wrath of their Leave voting constituents by supporting the amendment.

Considering how much they've pissed of any remnants of Remain support they had, it's hard to blame them.

Next GE will be ... interesting.

SwedishEdith · 13/02/2019 15:29

It's definitely a real Digby Jones tweet. I screenshotted it but mn doing that glitchy thing where it doesn't let you post images sometimes.

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