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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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GeistohneGrenzen · 13/02/2019 12:35

JazzyJelly Another lurker delurking to say we see certain posters for what they are. Please don't engage for our sakes, I and I'm sure many others rely on these threads for our political news and are very grateful for you all

What Jazzy says, with the addition of Gin and Flowers where appropriate

icannotremember · 13/02/2019 12:40

Someone please explain the new Cooper amendment to me, and tell me why people think it's likely to pass? I've just gone back on sertraline (the stress of Brexit with a DH who is an EU national has contributed a lot to that, as has my 9 yar old having nightmares about his dad being kicked out and my eldest son asking me will we be safe after brexit because our surname is foreign) and I'm just useless right now.

wherearemychickens · 13/02/2019 12:46

I've looked up the EU ratification and found this:

"The EU parliament, including the MEPs from the UK, must consent by simple majority to the Withdrawal Agreement – but does not have the power to amend it. In this case, the Council of the EU needs to adopt it by super-qualified majority. This means it needs to get support of 72% of the 27 participating member states (or 20 member states), and the support must also represent 65% of the population of the 27 member states. Although the UK is still a full member of the EU with full rights in the Council of the EU, it is not participating or taking part in the council’s decisions concerning Brexit.

But there is no role for national parliaments of the 27 member states in the context of the Withdrawal Agreement, meaning for example that the French, Spanish or Polish parliaments do not have to agree to it."

theconversation.com/brexit-what-has-to-happen-in-uk-and-eu-parliaments-to-ratify-withdrawal-and-future-trade-agreements-107127

And according to Reuters, they'd started the process by the end of January:

uk.reuters.com/article/uk-britain-eu-parliament/eu-parliament-to-start-ratifying-brexit-deal-next-week-idUKKCN1PG22S

prettybird · 13/02/2019 12:56

I have a vague recollection that that is why the simple time-unlimited backstop has to stay in the WA and the outline of the future relationship, which may or may not include a future Customs Union has to stay in the PD, is because any trade deal has to be approved by all the countries (and in some countries unlike the UK by devolved administrations). So they each have a veto.

The WA as it stands is not deemed to be a trade deal, hence QMV applies.

Cherrypi · 13/02/2019 12:56

Just asked my supermarket delivery driver if people were stockpiling. His response was an enthusiastic oh yes loads. I’m in a leave area.

TalkinPeece · 13/02/2019 13:00

remember
You'll be fine. You will not get kicked out.
One of my DCs has just signed a house tenancy for the summer and one of their group is a mainland EU citizen.
The agents appear to have been utterly sound about jumping through the hoops.
TM might want you gone, but we want HER gone Grin

Littlespace · 13/02/2019 13:08

Cooper Amendment

Keir Starmer confirmed that Labour will support Yvette Cooper’s move which will again see her table an amendment to make parliamentary time for a bill. This bill – different to the last one and already attracting broader support – would give the PM a mid-March deadline to get her deal approved. If that is not met, May would be forced to seek approval for ‘no deal’ (which she wouldn’t get) or delay Brexit.

labourlist.org/2019/02/labours-brexit-amendment-a-new-cooper-plan-and-the-latest-party-broadcast/

OhYouBadBadKitten · 13/02/2019 13:09

*
🚁🚁🚁🚁🛶🛶🛶🛶🛶⛴⛴🚢⚓️

dramatic asterisks and stuff so people notice this post.

Heads up people. If you've reported any posts on this thread, check mn haven't muddled you with anyone else when emailing their reply to you.

They've had an oops confusing me with another poster. Which ain't great really when it comes to email safety.

**

Littlespace · 13/02/2019 13:12

There is a belief it will pass as a small majority of MP's backed a previous non binding amendment (Spelman's Amendment) saying they didn't support a 'No Deal Brexit'. Apparently this number will grow if Teresa May doesn't get her deal approved.

blogs.spectator.co.uk/2019/01/caroline-spelmans-brexit-amendment-passes/

SusanWalker · 13/02/2019 13:16

So the EU parliament voting on the WA leaves Farage in a bit of a quandary. Does he vote for a deal he thinks is bad or vote against the UK leaving the EU, thereby becoming an EU elite who is trying to frustrate brexit?

FishesaPlenty · 13/02/2019 13:20

So the EU parliament voting on the WA leaves Farage in a bit of a quandary. Does he vote for a deal he thinks is bad or vote against the UK leaving the EU, thereby becoming an EU elite who is trying to frustrate brexit?

You missed the default Farage behaviour - stay in the pub and don't vote.

Littlespace · 13/02/2019 13:21

That is why the far right Brexiteers are so unhappy.

It may be the WA or an extension. Although it does require EU cooperation to extend which is why people are worried about 'No Deal' happening by accident.

prettybird · 13/02/2019 13:24

OhYouBadBadKitten - MNHQ is not have its troubles to seek with data breaches at the moment Shock

Fortunately, I didn't report any posts yesterday although I was sorely tempted with some of the posts Wink

DGRossetti · 13/02/2019 13:26

Given the government has it's magic blank chequebook out, the single most effective way to highlight what Brexit is, might be to put 5% on income tax to cover all the payouts ...

from:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-47225787
...
According to The Times' report, the firm told Prime Minister Theresa May on a telephone call with business leaders that it was preparing alternative sites abroad.

During the call Mrs May confirmed reports that the government was preparing a package of financial support for businesses affected by a no-deal Brexit but declined to elaborate, The Times said.

(contd)

DGRossetti · 13/02/2019 13:29

Q: What is the difference between Brexit and the Fyre festival ?

A: One was an Island fantasy where people just made up stuff they had no ability to deliver. They conned people using Social media into believing a small Island would instantly transform into a party paradise but later it was revealed the organisers never had any clue how to do any of it. The whole thing ended up being seen by the World as a total joke.

The other one was the Fyre festival

Lucygoeswalkies · 13/02/2019 13:30

@Talkinpeece Grin

@LeClerc poached banker is well posh! (Scuttles off to find recipe...)

RedToothBrush · 13/02/2019 13:30

Oybbk I think we need to start a thread on site stuff...

Sigh.

OP posts:
OhYouBadBadKitten · 13/02/2019 13:33

Think you are right Red, in case it's not just a muddle with this one post.

Shall I do it or you?

BigChocFrenzy · 13/02/2019 13:35

2bees Wishing you all the best for your op & biopsy 💐

Fishes You've got Farage sussed ! 😂

BigChocFrenzy · 13/02/2019 13:41

chickens Barnier's team carefully kept the content of the WA & PD so that it only requires approval by:

  • The heads of government with QMV (Qualified Majority Voting) - that already happened in December AND
  • A simple majority of MEPs in the European Parliament

Since Barnier was given a mandate by the E27 heads of govt and the European Parliamant
and kept them updated throughout the negotiating process
.... It is certain that the EP will approve the unmodified WA

  • they are just waiting for Westminster to pass it

BUT
even if the EU did suddenly go mad & decide to dump Ireland,
the EP have already promised they will NOT pass a WA if the backstop is weakened or time limited.

Also, of course, the heads of govt remain unanimous about keeping the backstop
and there are only 2-3 possible waverers:
the hard right East European govts that May has been wooing, but without any real success - just public posturing, but within the EU meetings going along with the other members

What does require unanimity, so any country can veto:

  • Any extension of A50 beyond 29 March (FYI Leadsom: this means even an extension of 1 day !)

  • Any future trade deal, whether negotiated during the WA transition period, or after No Deal.
    Regional parliaments, for countries that have these, can also veto a trade deal

After No Deal
The EU will not start trade negotiations until the UK signs the WA terms including backstop

So this will be on worse terms for the UK than signing before Brexit Day
since legally the EU cannot give the UK a transition if the agreement is signed after the UK becomes a 3rd country.
The UK would be deep in the mire without a transition period, which is why the UK requested it 2 years ago.

DGRossetti · 13/02/2019 13:49

Heads up people. If you've reported any posts on this thread, check mn haven't muddled you with anyone else when emailing their reply to you.

If they have it could be a GDPR breach. I presume already reported to the ICO ?

wherearemychickens · 13/02/2019 13:49

Thanks BigChoc - that's a really clear summary.

So after no deal we would still have to sign up to the provisions in the Withdrawal agreement - the backstop, citizen's rights, monies owed - but would have lost the status quo entirely.

Has there been any discussion of the EU choosing themselves to offer us a short extension extension - so they don't look like the bad guys - as we approach the cliff?

icannotremember · 13/02/2019 13:50

Thanks people :)

It's not me who's the EU national- well, I suppose I am, even if only for a few more weeks! And my logical brain says DH will be fine. But my children are fucking terrified and I am not coping with the stress of this at all.

1tisILeClerc · 13/02/2019 13:50

{You missed the default Farage behaviour - stay in the pub and don't vote.}
The other MEPs and the whole of the EP have him sussed.
It will be interesting to find out what the other intelligence services dig up on him (if we ever find out).

Littlespace · 13/02/2019 13:50

There are the different scenarios I can come up with. Can anyone think of any more?

Scenario 1

  1. MP's vote against May's WA deal
  2. Cooper Amendment passes to rule out No Deal
  3. TM negotiates new deal. Start again.

Scenario 2

  1. WA doesn't pass
  2. REVOKE just before deadline.

Scenario 3

  1. Withdrawal Agreement passes taking us out of EU and two year planning period starts.
  2. Two years of uncertainty but in the end we negotiate trade deals to replace lost EU trade deals (& hope not too many firms leave). All the countries we have pissed off have to agree to the trade deal.

Scenario 4

  1. Same as above but we don;t manage to replace trade deals & shit hits the fan. We just have slightly more time to plan for the pain.

Scenario 5

  1. WA voted down
  2. Cooper Amendment doesn't pass / or EU won't agree to extension
  3. We crash out of EU with not even a sketch of a plan.

Scenario 6

  1. WA voted down
  2. May asks for extension and calls election.