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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
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Lucygoeswalkies · 13/02/2019 10:14

Flowers Flowers Flowers to everyone here who has enough shit in their lives to deal with, without having to deal with the extra shit this shitshow is dishing out.

wherearemychickens · 13/02/2019 10:15

They were also happily talking about May making the choice 'my deal or lengthy extension' on my local radio this morning - but it's not within our power to grant ourselves extension!

lonelyplanetmum · 13/02/2019 10:17

the EU27, who presumably need to be doing the same thing with their legislatures

The EU 27 don't need to do anything with their legislatures as they're keeping the jointly agreed food, environment, workers etc regs. ( and trade) .

As you say regarding the WA the EU 27 have all confirmed their consent.

bellinisurge · 13/02/2019 10:18

I agree. It is not in our gift to grant a extension.
Good job we haven't pissed people off in any E.U. countries because we will rely entirely on them to agree an extension.
Good job we aren't a dicking about shit show of a political system that inspires people to trust us to sort it all out with a bit more time.
HmmConfused

dontcallmelen · 13/02/2019 10:20

2bee really hope all goes well💐

bellinisurge · 13/02/2019 10:21

Nobody wants No Deal but I'd rather endure it with my 26 other mates onside than alone.
We seem to think the threat of no deal will make the E.U. agree to sell Ireland down the river for the UK's benefit.
Not. Going. To. Happen.

Littlespace · 13/02/2019 10:21

www.irishexaminer.com/breakingnews/views/analysis/alarm-bells-sound-as-brexits-project-fear-becomes-a-reality-904017.html

Britain’s deceleration supports the position of most economists, who’ve been warning about Brexit fallout since the referendum campaign. It is fair to say that this wasn’t immediately evident after the vote, when the Bank of England, the International Monetary Fund and others were too pessimistic. Corporate leaders didn’t behave like the hyper-rational agents who populate the economics textbooks. Many waited to see whether the Brexit fog would lift quickly, and continued with business as usual.

As the deadline of March 29 fast approaches, and the chances of reversing Brexit diminish, fewer want to take any risks. The doom-saying economists were wrong on the timing, but probably not on the substance of their predictions.

Lucygoeswalkies · 13/02/2019 10:21

I’m sure I picked up on the news a bit earlier that Jeremy Corbyn is meeting Sinn Fein (Mary Lou Macdonald?) later today. I haven’t been able to find anything in online news though, so maybe I imagined it.

Tanith · 13/02/2019 10:31

If anyone fancies squirrel, Hugh “eats anything that moves” Fearnley-Whittingstall did an episode on catching, killing and cooking squirrel in his River Cottage Seasons series - might have been the Autumn one. He did one on rabbit as well - a prolific meat source in the UK.

I’ll pass on his slugs, though. Not even he could make them palatable, though he tried hard enough!

Member · 13/02/2019 10:32

part time lurker here - was anyone else surprised at how Olly Robbins looks?

I’ve been aware of the name/role in negotiations but for some reason thought he was the man with the grey moustache and beard who’s always pictured when they talk about Brussels negotiations.

Anybody else managed to go all this time picturing the wrong man when OR mentioned? Confused

prettybird · 13/02/2019 10:36

Mary Lou has just said on All Out Politics (Adam Boulton, Sky News) that she's off to see Corbyn and that he is a friend of the Irish who understands them.

Actually, that sounds patronising. The whole interview was actually very good and she sounded very reasonable and wasn't wishing the chaos of No Deal on the UK, even though it might (as Adam Boulton suggested) help her/Sinn Fein's cause.

Tanith · 13/02/2019 10:36

“We seem to think the threat of no deal will make the E.U. agree to sell Ireland down the river for the UK's benefit. ”

‘Scuse me? “We”?!
We believe nothing of the kind and regard the incompetents that do with utter contempt.

Missbel · 13/02/2019 10:38

I can't for one minute believe that Olly Robbins somehow accidentally let slip the crafty plan.Either he did it deliberately as disinformation or he had some other motive. It's a fairly standard ploy, though.

My DS's firm has set up an office in Cyprus to handle overseas business. Only a few jobs are involved, but in future a substantial chunk of the company's taxes will be paid in Cyprus rather than the UK. I imagine there are hundreds of companies doing something similar.

Meanwhile, DP, who is a hill farmer, is wondering how on earth he'll make ends meet - the price of lambs is already falling as dealers are no longer buying on the same scale for EU markets.

lonelyplanetmum · 13/02/2019 10:45

My DS's firm has set up an office in Cyprus to handle overseas business. Only a few jobs are involved, but in future a substantial chunk of the company's taxes will be paid in Cyprus rather than the UK. I imagine there are hundreds of companies doing something similar.

My DH's employer is setting up an office in Belgium to handle overseas business. Only one jobs involved, but in future a substantial chunk of the company's taxes will be paid there rather than the UK. I imagine there are hundreds of companies doing something similar.

Missbel · 13/02/2019 10:57

I should have said my DS's employer - not his company!

Littlespace · 13/02/2019 11:05

I'm guessing the extra taxation will have to come from a mixture of more budget cuts and higher taxes on individuals, who will then cut back on luxuries causing further unemployment.

I'm hoping people wake up.

lonelyplanetmum · 13/02/2019 11:07

Missbel- as you say virtually identical stories across the country. We've supplied 2 identical ish accounts in a few minutes.

Shortly after the ref I was sitting next to some one on the train and they were checking through what looked like draft PWC lecture notes on post Brexit planning with a whole section on setting up branches elsewhere.

This advice must be being followed across many sectors. In DHs bosses case the professional advice and initial set up costs alone are over £500,000.

How anyone believes that the reduction in national revenue will lead to a greater distribution of wealth to the NHS and those who need it is entirely beyond reason.

Sostenueto · 13/02/2019 11:14

2bees good luck my dear, thinking of you, prayer and hug on way to youFlowers

Sostenueto · 13/02/2019 11:16
OhYouBadBadKitten · 13/02/2019 11:27

My dhs employer is doing the same lonelyplanet.

LonelyandTiredandLow · 13/02/2019 11:30

Daily Express link showing Switzerland is looking to poach some bankers (I assume although as long as they are high earners I doubt they care!) in what looks like a country bidding to gain relocation of business amidst the chaos. Obvs that's not how the Express are spinning it Grin

Motheroffourdragons · 13/02/2019 11:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ to protect the privacy of the user.

TalkinPeece · 13/02/2019 12:05

On the first day of Brexit my government gave to me .......
A Unicorn in a May tree

On the second day of Brexit my government gave to me
Two Ramsgate ferries
and a Unicorn in a May Tree

On the third day of Brexit, my Government gave to me
Three Narnia trade deals
Two Ramsgate Ferries
and a Unicorn in a May tree

shall make more tea and work out the rest

1tisILeClerc · 13/02/2019 12:05

{Switzerland is looking to poach some bankers}
Does poached banker taste anything like squirrel?
How can anyone be serious at a time like this.

ElenadeClermont · 13/02/2019 12:28

The silence about Stormont was mentioned by UUP last week when May was there. The UUP bloke (who I know nothing about) said he asked May about power-sharing, but all she wanted to talk about was Brexit.
He must have just realised how little the government cares about Northern Ireland.

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