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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
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lonelyplanetmum · 13/02/2019 09:28

By border poll- I mean what NI want to do now with no deal looming about a border, not a reunification poll but I guess one dictates the other anyway, they're indivisible and that's the problem.

I'll admit I'm as knowledgeable as Karen Bradley despite being 1/4 Irish.

lonelyplanetmum · 13/02/2019 09:30

I'd forgotten the dubbing of SF what a weird broadcasting quirk that was.

Can we dub NF now - with a Donald Duck type tone.

Duck 🦆 not there's a squirrel alternative and I'm veggie.

Somerville · 13/02/2019 09:30

Border poll means referendum about United island, Lonely.

Somerville · 13/02/2019 09:31

United Ireland, though united island too I guess. Sorry for typos I feel as weak as a kitten.

JazzyJelly · 13/02/2019 09:32

Another lurker delurking to say we see certain posters for what they are. Please don't engage for our sakes, I and I'm sure many others rely on these threads for our political news and are very grateful for you all.

Destiel · 13/02/2019 09:35

Its all starting to feel a bit "endofdaysey" isn't it??

^ yes ive decided that's a word.

lonelyplanetmum · 13/02/2019 09:38

Yes I know I was using the wrong term - my limited knowledge leads me to understand that it's not the right time for a Border Poll. What I meant was I have never understood why the people of NI haven't had more of a recent voice in the fact that they want the GFA to be honoured and don't want border given what we now know about the increasingly likelihood of no deal.

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 13/02/2019 09:40

Hello everyone , been lurking for nearly 2 weeks. Today they will remove the lump from my tongue. Local anaesthetic job. Odds although they will do a biopsy that it is isn’t malignant, let’s hope so. Friend suggested that I could ask for a tonge stud at the same time Grin

Yes derails annoyed me too when I could catch up that is. And now I am derailing. ...so back to Brexit....

Trying to get my head together around dates. As the media is quiet on these.
Is a motion put or is that tomorrow? Date of 21st March is that confirmed or the Ollie pub talk. And amendment for MV on 27 March , is this possible if the vote itself is delayed I thought amendments are voted on with the main vote?
Also what about that Sarah Wollstone amendment WA with PV on deal or Revoke.

If TM wants to bring things to the wire I think we need to remind folk that Revoke / no Brexit is always an option and therefore if SW amendment does not pass , it remains an option instead of no deal. So by not voting for the deal does not mean a vote for no deal. I realise that there appears no stomach at the moment for it ( BCF before you remind me Grin ) but in the likely chaos of the last week I wonder if things might change?

Anyhow thanks again Red and all regular contributors, you are a lifeline.

Destiel · 13/02/2019 09:41

The whole arlene foster cash for cash/stormont debacle astounds me.

Our tour guide last year was telling us about it.

He seemed angry and exasperated.

His main point being that for years now NI has been run by unelected civil servants.

Our future too post Brexit when a govt cant be formed?

Somerville · 13/02/2019 09:42

Silence over Stormont has many causes.

Partly it is a careful avoidance across the political spectrum of drawing attention to the fact that on devolved matters NI is currently being run by civil servants. It suits no one to have outbreak of violence caused by that, because it is so much less incendiary than the other option - rule from Westminster. It’s only the DUP who request the latter Hmm and since this would break the GFA it shows their motives pretty clearly. It’s also the DUP who are refusing to return to Stormont (though SF who stepped down and ended it initially, IMO because they were goaded into it by DUP corruption (cash for ash) and also refusing the promised Irish Language Act.

The government are using all their threats and bribes on DUP for votes in westminster - they realised pretty quickly that they couldn’t pressure them over Stormont at the same time.

Hazards · 13/02/2019 09:48

2beez !!! Was just thinking about you yesterday Flowers

Good luck with today and I'm keeping everything crossed.

(Will it be liquid diet only post op while it heals Gin? Wink )

Destiel · 13/02/2019 09:48

somerville

If there was a GE soon, do you think the DUP would increase their vote share or not?

Destiel · 13/02/2019 09:49

Good luck 2bees

jasjas1973 · 13/02/2019 09:53

Ford, PSA, Airbus and many others will leave the UK regardless of a WA or no-deal, the only difference is how quickly.
We are out of the EU, a 3rd country, with no FOM for skilled key staff.

The WA gives business years of uncertainty as the Tories continue in-fighting over the type of brexit they really want - as an EU insider said "the WA is a sprint, the future trade relationship is a marathon"

Also, the political pressure to relocate or close down business in UK instead of EU will be immense.

All i hope now is that Labour finally get behind remain or at the very least a PV.

Littlespace · 13/02/2019 09:53

I don't understand why the public isn't more concerned.

www.coventrytelegraph.net/news/coventry-news/brexit-jobs-lost-coventry-warwickshire-15817394

LonelyandTiredandLow · 13/02/2019 09:54

I had assumed it was something to do with DUP - either strong holding or other parties letting them show themselves up and being unwilling to get involved while it all seems too shambolic? I'm not very up to date on it all to be fair but very pleased marches have happened for Saints and so far no violence (if I read that correctly yesterday?).

I know someone posted a link to a similar site, but if anyone needs to remind people how many jobs are being lost as a result of Brexit I've found a read-only breakdown (updated to 5th Feb only). The figure stands at 208,467

IMPORTANT NOTES ON METHODOLOGY:

Job losses are attributed to Brexit if they meet one or more of the following conditions:

  1. The employer's business has been significantly affected by sterling's devaluation, either immediately through rises in the cost of imported inputs or later by inflation passed on by those who were so affected.
  1. Government austerity cuts are attributed to Brexit since Britain voted to remain the EU, austerity would have been lifted instead of deepened.
  1. Barring other obvious explanations businesses that were doing okay but experienced a significant slowdown after the Brexit vote are deemed to have been impacted by Brexit.
  1. Businesses and other enterprises (e.g. EU regulatory authorities) that will be impacted by the imposition of trading or regulatory barriers (including the potential imposition of tariffs).
  1. All jobs moved abroad are considered Brexit-related even if offshored outside the EU, since Brexit makes Britain a "third country" to the EU, just like India or China.

Other factors are occasionally cited but these are the main categories.

Job losses due to changes in the way business is conducted, such as those due to banking automation or to internet shopping, are usually excluded unless there is some compelling reason to regard Brexit is the real reason for cutting staff.

lonelyplanetmum · 13/02/2019 09:57

*Somerville
*
I've been reading up on Stormont trying to understand more.

As I understand it the prime culprits in the cash for ash were people close to the DUP not politicians but special advisers whose families made handsome profits.

I read that estimates of the overall cost range from £60m to £800m. One farmer who heated an empty chicken shed anticipated making £1m over 20 years!

Are the special advisers involved then still part of the team now running NI. As AF appears to have turned a blind eye to it all at the time (?) Why have the public not turned against her?

Hazards · 13/02/2019 10:04

Anger over yesterdays possible extension leak...

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/brexit-theresa-may-olly-robbins-delay-negotiations-deal-article-50-extend-eu-a8776746.html

I'm not convinced the negotiator in the bar was 100% legit...i thought TM has handled a lot of negotiations herself and was blanking out others? I would also say whose dumb enough to talk about brexit in public but as there's been a lot of dumb that bit is kinda plausible.

I feel propaganda'erd not a word but should be What's true?!

LonelyandTiredandLow · 13/02/2019 10:05

The BCC want TM to answer 20 questions on Brexit Confused - don't we all and good luck with that!

LonelyandTiredandLow · 13/02/2019 10:07

Hazards yes I feel that it is just a way to shake up the ERG. Also makes it look as though there is a plan.
Just not a very cunning one.

Somerville · 13/02/2019 10:09

No, Destiel. Things are polarised in NI lately, so DUP have gained pretty much all of the unionist seats. They’re at their max and can’t get any more than current 10... and as soon as the boundary commissions recommendations are implemented (I won’t hold my breath) then they’ll have several less than that - there is still blatant gerrymandering in the constiuency make up...

Lucygoeswalkies · 13/02/2019 10:10

Good morning. It’s another day in the great Brexit social experiment Sad

wherearemychickens · 13/02/2019 10:13

Something I was wondering about this morning, was that there is obviously /lots/ of focus on our Parliament passing/not passing the withdrawal agreement. What I haven't seen any discussion of is the equivalent process going on in the EU27, who presumably need to be doing the same thing with their legislatures? Is this going through? Are they waiting for us to ratify first? Are we going to hit a Wallonia problem somewhere down the line or is the fact that the heads of the EU27 have signed it off? Obviously that hasn't worked here; could it be an issue elsewhere?

lonelyplanetmum · 13/02/2019 10:13

The BCC want TM to answer 20 questions on <a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.theguardian.com/politics/2019/feb/12/uk-business-leaders-seek-answers-from-may-over-tariffs-and-trade" target="_blank">Brexitt*  - don't we all and good luck with that!

She should delegate the answering to Boris. He can answer most concisely for her, with his two word phrase substituting 'commerce' for business.

I expect come the Revolution BCC will be a banned organisation anyway.

wherearemychickens · 13/02/2019 10:14

Should have been 'signed it off enough' sorry

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