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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
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lonelyplanetmum · 13/02/2019 07:20

YY wrt feeding them.

What bothers me about ignoring the numbered male bridge dwellers is the effect on any wavering lurkers reading the rhetoric or hyperbole?

It feels safer, for example, to put talk of sums of money into the correct context of 0.7% of GDP.

If the inevitable sweeping, magnified overstatements remain completely unanswered a lurker may assume the point is so valid as to be unanswerable iyswim.

Many lurkers need more credit of course.

bellinisurge · 13/02/2019 07:20

Good luck PC.

derxa · 13/02/2019 07:24

We then spent an hour imagining reasons for the sheep dying, like the sky was a bit bluer than yesterday, it was too Tuesdayish, the grass looked at them a bit funny etc. Hope your flock is more robust smile Well they are just as your farmer friend describe. I've got a poor boy with pneumonia in the shed at the moment. Why I've no idea since he has had the most favoured treatment ever. He's had to be isolated from the rest because they started bullying him due to his wheezy chest. But yes sheep just keel over with no warning.

boldlygoingsomewhere · 13/02/2019 07:31

If the inevitable sweeping, magnified overstatements remain completely unanswered a lurker may assume the point is so valid as to be unanswerable iyswim.
Many lurkers need more credit of course.

I mostly lurk on these threads but, from my own perspective, the regular posters on this thread are a voice of calm and reason. I take no notice of posters who cannot back up their statements with facts/evidence and who resort to insults and name calling.

frumpety · 13/02/2019 08:00

Wishing your poor sheep boy a speedy recovery Derxa

Has anyone else been listening to 'Preppers' on radio 4 ? I struggle to keep up with these threads at the moment, so it may be old news so to speak. It's very funny Smile

Cloudtree · 13/02/2019 08:10

I watched a play last night about the miners strike. It was excellent but both DH and I came out feeling even more worried about things.

Completely different scenario but so relevant to what is going on in the country. Spin, misinformation, both sides entrenched, nobody wanting to blink first even though the impact on the country is profound. People literally starving and dying and long term effects which certain parts of the country have never quite recovered from.

Happy days.

LonelyandTiredandLow · 13/02/2019 08:10

Found a good and malleable song this morning as dd and I showered - credit to her really as she sang the lines:
"What shall we do with the Anglo Saxon
What shall we do with the Anglo Saxon
What shall we do with the Anglo Saxon
Er-lay in the morning?"
We had a lot of fun with the Ango Saxon this morning Grin

ContinuityError · 13/02/2019 08:11

I’ve lost count of the number of sheep I’ve had to roll over because they’d got stuck on their backs.

Destiel · 13/02/2019 08:12

Good morning

Mistigri · 13/02/2019 08:17

What bothers me about ignoring the numbered male bridge dwellers is the effect on any wavering lurkers reading the rhetoric or hyperbole?

You can raise the same discussion points without engaging, especially if you go to the source for the data.

Just avoid quoting or @ -ing.

I'd probably only engage on here if someone has copy-pasted a long spiel that's "doing the rounds" on social media, because if you point out that they are lazy plagiarists they usually run away.

lonelyplanetmum · 13/02/2019 08:26

On the subject of copying and pasting stuff. Here's a link.

Ford definitely off. How insane.And for what? So people can sit on their sofas and luxuriate in the fact that we don't share food standards with the EU any more.

uk.reuters.com/article/uk-britain-eu-ford-motor/ford-told-britains-may-it-is-preparing-alternative-production-sites-the-times-idUKKCN1Q12SK?rpc=401

TheElementsSong · 13/02/2019 08:49

Ford definitely off.

Oh well, who needs manufacturing jobs when we can sustain ourselves by absorbing the wholesome miasma of Sovereignty.

(And I would second the not @-ing or even name-checking, if you do want to address any squirrels raised).

ElenadeClermont · 13/02/2019 08:51

Sos Flowers
Another GoT fan here. Although my fave is book Jaime.

RoisinD · 13/02/2019 08:54

Interesting thread on Twitter from David Cleevely. Great summation from him which paints a real picture. Doesn't want to go but feels there is no other option.
twitter.com/DavidCleevely/status/1094916009276919808

SquiddyMcSquidford · 13/02/2019 08:55

And for what? So people can sit on their sofas and luxuriate in the fact that we don't share food standards with the EU any more.

Also ~sovereignty~
Also "the government ignore my part of the country, so driving business away and reducing the tax take will definitely make them notice us and shovel money our way"

1tisILeClerc · 13/02/2019 08:59

Ref the Reuters article.
The number of indirectly involved workers for car production is at least 5 times the number actually assembling so yesterdays underbridge dwellers could think of a plan to employ 13,000 plus 65,000 workers with a decent salary.

ContinuityError
Is this because you find it particularly easy to 'nod off'?

Somerville · 13/02/2019 09:07

I’m threads and threads behind due to flu hitting my house but I’d like to just say, here where so many get it, that Mary Lou was given airspace on R4 this morning to call for a border poll. Shock Bloody hell, the BBC giving SF a significant mouthpiece is rather a significant change. And once a concept like that becomes mainstream, it starts becoming hard to dismiss.

QueenMabby · 13/02/2019 09:08

Non gullible (mostly) lurker here.
I appreciate the commments about not feeding the bridge dwellers - but can’t they just have the squirrels??
Am wondering if I should email my Tory-but-remainer-but-votes-how-she’s-told MP about putting country before party...

Jericho1 · 13/02/2019 09:11

She was also on 'Good Morning Britain', Somerville. Very impressive lady. #ProjectFair was her canny tagline at the end!

dontcallmelen · 13/02/2019 09:12

Sos so glad treatment has worked & you are feeling so well, love skinny jeans & a biker jacket.
dexra hope sheep is on the mend.

Somerville · 13/02/2019 09:14

Blimey, Jericho. Is that a BBC thing too, or ITV? All the broadcasters have suddenly decided that ST deserves some airtime, huh?

PestyMachtubernahme · 13/02/2019 09:19

A young looking Arlene Foster's view on a border poll twitter.com/Seanofthesouth/status/1093954468058722306

Is Tory policy to off-load NI?
Working day in and day out with the DUP, must be enough to sway anyone's views.
Have also noticed SF politicians getting air-time. They generally come across as most reasonable.

lonelyplanetmum · 13/02/2019 09:22

*QueenMabby
*
Yes send that email and recruit a friend to write too.

Mary Lou was given airspace on R4 this morning to call for a border poll.  Bloody hell, the BBC giving SF a significant mouthpiece is rather a significant change

I have always puzzled why there was no more dialogue about a border poll? And why no more focus on restoration of Stormont.

I speculated that there must be on going discussions in NI but that we just don't get to hear about it?

Somerville · 13/02/2019 09:26

No one wanted to let the genie out of the bottle re border poll, lonelyplanet. And remember, not that long ago that the leadership of Sinn fein were literally voiceless in Britain (had to be dubbed, which isn’t exactly conducive to live interviews.)

PestyMachtubernahme · 13/02/2019 09:28

The near silence over Stormont puzzles me too.

NI has a government that does not sit, and yet they are in coalition with the Torys. The stink of corruption.

A border poll now however, would be a bit (maybe even very) forced. I was under the impression that GFA was hoped to bring about a generation or two of peace, at which point a border poll would be a natural progression.

But then again, Westminster has shown its true colours, who wouldn't want to leave the Union? An independent Wessex anyone?

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