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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
35
Hazards · 12/02/2019 23:24

sos leg being pulled BUT they do exist www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2869156/Could-pearls-fridge-help-beat-menopause.html

Learn someit new every day....

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 23:25

Flowers Sostenueto not sure whether to congratulate or sympathise. Do you look good in skinny jeans?

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 23:26

Crikey hazard you certainly do on this thread. That's what I love about this thread, I've learned so much about lots of things. Ta for linkFlowers

Hazards · 12/02/2019 23:28

sos hopefully the chemo will save your life as well as making you for in skinnies...Flowers

Also try jeggings, the look of skinnies with the comfort of leggings...bliss.

Hazards · 12/02/2019 23:28

Fit*

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 23:29

Yes I do pesky ( lack of modesty) always had thin legs but apple shape so jeans always too big in legs to go round big waist. Now for bikers leather jacket and I'm well awayGrin

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 23:31

All Saints do very nice grown up leather jackets Sostenueto , plus you need boots, really nice boots.

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 23:32

Thanks all, all going well with treatment, now finished hopefully finallyFlowers.

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 23:35

Thanks pesty and hazard are you both free for girlie shopping?Smile Flowers

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 23:37

My 2 dds always tell me to act my age. I can't help it if I'm permanently 20!

wheresmymojo · 12/02/2019 23:38

@StepLadders007

I don't get chance to post often at the moment due to various things but I've been back through the threads and I can't see an answer to my question from last night...

I can re-post in a second if that helps but in summary....

You said you voted leave because you are against globalisation.

Can you explain how Brexit will reduce globalisation in your opinion?

Flowerplower · 12/02/2019 23:40

.

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 23:42

Well got to toddle off now as meds kicking in and dog snoring. I try to get to sleep before dog starts snoring. Alas not tonight. A staffie snorting in your ear all night not conducive to sleep especially as staffs have to sleep on you! Nite nite one and all.Wine

Lucygoeswalkies · 12/02/2019 23:43

@Pesty I often wonder why Wales doesn't get a mention? No one bothers about Wales.

That’s why I’m moving there. I like the idea of a place no one bothers about. Especially if things go tits up.

Hazards · 12/02/2019 23:48

Night sos Brew

Lucygoeswalkies · 12/02/2019 23:50

Help HMG prevent a leak"

Tena Lady?

GaspodeWonderCat · 13/02/2019 00:04

@Lucygoeswalkies - Grin A smile to end/begin the day. Does not happen often ..

LonelyandTiredandLow · 13/02/2019 04:17

Gosh, has taken over an hour to catch up thanks to Whiny and Stop. Let's agree not to feed them - facts just make them change tack (although I did like the idea that once this country had pride (or something brexiteery) but now we want to throw it all away for standards Grin

I think after Raab's admission that he didn't do Primary school geography he wants all the letterz, just to show people, innit? Makes you wonder if other MP's are wishing they didn't have them in these 'modern' times...

The only song I've had in my head is REM. Sure you can guess. Leaver friend defiantly sings the "and I feel fine" with hands on hips Confused

And yes, I have caught the insomnia.

lljkk · 13/02/2019 05:21

Thanks for the chuckle in OP, RTB.
Moggers, Corbyn, Chump, Macron, Merkel? Tim Martin deserves a cameo, too.

borntobequiet · 13/02/2019 05:29

Starting the day by saying I think May dresses OK for her age and status (for want of better words) - not being patronising, I’m older than her. At least she looks as though she puts some thought into her clothes...none of which I’d choose, but I’m not her. And in my 60s I still have hot flushes and associated symptoms so a menopause necklace might be just the ticket, except that I have HRT, which is better. Her posture however is awful. She needs help with that.
Otherwise I see different day, same old shit. British Chambers of Commerce kicking off big time now...how long will those NDAs last...
www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-47217801

mathanxiety · 13/02/2019 05:45

YY wrt feeding them.

All caught up now, fully expect another thread to be up and running by the time I get to log in tomorrow.

Loved Sostenueto's doggerel Grin

frumpety · 13/02/2019 06:44

Slight derail for Dexra once spent an evening chatting with a sheep farmer in the pub, he was a great bloke and very knowledgeable, he said the only problem with sheep is they just die for no apparently good reason. We then spent an hour imagining reasons for the sheep dying, like the sky was a bit bluer than yesterday, it was too Tuesdayish, the grass looked at them a bit funny etc. Hope your flock is more robust Smile

frumpety · 13/02/2019 06:49

derxa sorry Blush

Sostenueto · 13/02/2019 07:09
PerverseConverse · 13/02/2019 07:15

Morning all. My account has been compromised so will deregister and set up a new email account and username. Keep posting and keep us all up to date on this shitstormBrew

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