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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
35
TheElementsSong · 12/02/2019 22:38

By the time you address the lies they tell in the morning, they're telling more for lunch. It's ceaseless. No virtuous political project would feel the need to behave this way.

Exactly this^^

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 22:39

May's HoC appearance seriously criticised

Anna Soubry MP@AnnaSoubry

Unacceptable.
With the country & business crying out for #Brexit certainty PM kicks the can yet again down the road refusing to face up to the reality
- Parliament is in an impasse so let’s get this back to the people with @peoplesvoteuk
.....
Chuka Umunna@ChukaUmunna

Sitting in the Commons.
That statement by the PM was a disgrace. No change. No progress.

No plan around which the House could coalesce.

All because she won’t face down the extremists in her party who dictate her (link: http://agenda.Partyty^) agenda.*

Party first and the country a poor second.
Terrible

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 22:40

Tom Newton Dunn @tnewtondunn
Excl: At least 3 Cabinet ministers to publicly back Remain ministers’ revolt on February 27 to end no deal threat

www.thesun.co.uk/news/brexit/8414447/theresa-may-brexit-30-days-deadline/amp/?__twitter_impression=true Theresa May warned to pass EU deal in 30 days or Parliament will delay Brexit
If the PM's deal isn't ratified by mid-March, a new bill will force the Government to apply for an extension to Article 50 talks and delay Brexit

Allies said Remainer Cabinet ministers Amber Rudd, David Gauke and Greg Clark are all preparing to speak out in favour of the Cooper-Letwin plan, and they are working on Chancellor Philip Hammond to join them too.

A Cabinet source said: “February 27 is high noon. This is the line Amber, David and Greg are drawing in the sand, and they will make that clear closer to the time.

Poor Greg.

OP posts:
PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 22:41

More about lying
www.theneweuropean.co.uk/top-stories/gavin-esler-former-bbc-journalist-on-lies-damned-lies-and-politicians-1-5882794

With a few nice quotes from The Origins of Totalitarianism by Hannah Arendt, scary stuff.

Carney might be right about new world order.

Hazards · 12/02/2019 22:46

Hang on I leave for five mins while pigs where being discussed and come back to actual news??

Any way mid March is cutting it fine... we can't take that level of suspense.

sos Grin

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 22:46

I've eaten shark, kangaroo and frogs legs only I didn't know they were frogs legs and I enjoyed them till I was told what they were and spent the rest of the night chucking up in the loo!

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 22:47

FTAs very unimpressive, nowhere near what Fox promsied - or what we need

Switzerland:
We do much less trade with them than with the big EU economies
Full rollover is only if there is transition
With No Deal, it's only goods - not the services that form most of our trade

Faroe Isles
Only joint #192 trading partner in value !
Uk exports only £3 million - quite a few houses in the SE worth more than that

East & Southern africa
v small scale.
The GDP of the entire continent of Africa is only â…” that of Germany and we do only a fraction of our trade with Africa

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 22:50

sos I'm very conservative in my taste too when it comes to meat or fish
(maybe being an Aspie ? I happily try different veg & fruit)

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 22:50

Tick, tock, tick, tock!
Hickory dickory dock
May ran out the clock
The clock struck dumb
And May ran down
Hickory dickory dock tick tock!

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 22:52

Just like me bigchoc!CakeWine

Hazards · 12/02/2019 22:54

I'm veggie because I'm dyslexic bigchoc i see the whole story in my minds eye...makes meat eating bizarre. Most people can forget the big picture and focus on details ie tasty and I'm shite at details Grin

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 22:54

I've decided that a liquid diet post brexit is the only way to go!GinWineBrewGinWineBrew

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 22:59

TM and JC went up the hill
To fetch a deal to HoC
TM fell down ( due to 500 page document)
And broke her necklace
And JC came tumbling after

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 22:59

Reminder that the EU doesn't want to activate the backstop, because May used NI to leverage such good all-UK terms

Nick Gutteridge@nick_gutteridge

10/ Your regular reminder here that the EU hates the backstop and never wants to use it.

Member States fear it would actually be good for the UK and especially NI,
give both a huge competitive advantage in services.

They’re surprised Brits can’t see this. < Brexiter MPs too thick & paranoid >

13/ With that in mind, it sees the way forward as making the document more specific. Replacing ‘coulds’ with ‘wills’ as Verhofstadt put it earlier. An official says: ‘It’s the most solemn political commitment you can get from us. We’re not going to back down from it.’
...

14/ Other ideas floating around are turning the Political Declaration into a legal instrument or even lodging it with the UN.

But the official warns while they’ll do what they can it can ‘never have the value of a treaty’
because it deals with stuff after the UK has left.

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 23:02

Why does TM wear such boring and horrible ball necklaces? Is it like notches on a bedpost?

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 23:03

It is a menopause necklace, she keeps them in a fridge.

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 23:07

pesty Grin

yolofish · 12/02/2019 23:09

she must be way past the menopause though? and I dont mean that disrespectfully, just biologically.

Hazards · 12/02/2019 23:12

She's a zombie the fridge necklaces are to stop her going off and decaying?

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 23:15

Some people manage to maintain hot flushes for years / decades

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 23:15

Well, I think she needs one of those fancy store dressers to actually advise her what to wear. Like those long jackets she sometimes wears with a different colour on the bottom. Looks like she's cut another one up and tacked it on the bottom. And the ankle browsers for goodness sake! (Meooow)Grin

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 23:17

She wears some really nice VM, much to the dismay of Vivienne Westwood.

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 23:17

Gosh I've never heard of menopause necklaces! Blush well diabetes can give you hot flushes so maybe she wears them for that reasonConfused or is my leg being pulled?Grin

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 23:18

hazardGrin

Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 23:23

I was really pleased last week when I bought myself my first pair of skinny jeans at age 65! Chemo has its benefits after all, I've waited a long while to fit into skinny jeans! Grin

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