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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

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BollocksToBrexit · 12/02/2019 22:09

Is squirrel safe to eat? I don't want to be contracting ebola from my squirrel and mushroom pie.

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 22:11

Love it ! 😂
The campaign against civil service leaks
(although I suspect it's ministers doing most off the leaking)

"Don't let strangers take a peak. Help HMG prevent a leak"

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 22:12

Torygraph

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
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TalkinPeece · 12/02/2019 22:13

Olly Robins never does ANYTHING by mistake.
He knew full well that what he said would be reported back to the UK media

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 22:13

Metro

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
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BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 22:15

That's why the Brexiters are fuming over his "indiscretion"
They assume it's deliberate too
They are not thick when it comes to paranoia

Tonsilss · 12/02/2019 22:15

.

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 22:17

The FTs take on Carney is rather different to the Telegraph. It states that he said Brexit is an acid test for global trade which could go quite badly.

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
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whosafraidofabigduckfart · 12/02/2019 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 22:18

We are back to plotters plotting.

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
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BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 22:19

The Telegraph used to be a serious paper, but now wildly distorts anything related to Brexit
Don't believe anything they print on Brexit

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 22:20

Brexiters are just jealous because all their plots have gone splat

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 22:20

A recent study by the University of Glasgow has found that grey squirrels carry the Borrelia bacteria, which can cause Lyme disease in humans when it is transferred via ticks.

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 22:21

They must be nervous, or we wouldn't be getting their fleas here.

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 22:21

that was about Brexiters, not squirrels !

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 22:23

BCF The Telegraph is not what it was 35 years ago.

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 22:24

May needed to drop remain / no deal from rhetoric. Being seen as backing no deal isn't helping her in the EU. The EU will only talk if they think she isn't fully committed to Brexit. Plus it's becoming more popular at home which could be poisonous further down the line. Equally May wants to kill the remain unicorn but also have something to scare Brexiteers with.

The Robins 'gaff' in this context looks altogether perfect for what May is ultimately trying to achieve. How very convenient.

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BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 22:25

Cabinet paralysed ?

Steven Swinford@Steven_Swinford

Cabinet has broken up and there was no discussion about Brexit AT ALL

One minister said it was 'utterly surreal', one of shortest meetings they can remember

There were discussions on fly-tipping & child poverty targets (figures don't look good in March)

But that was it.

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 22:28

pesty Even 5 years ago, I used to read the telegraph - disagreed with some, but it was worth the read.
Now it's only useful in paper form ... in case the loo paper runs short

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 22:28

You'd encourage the mi6 chief to stay on if you thought Brexit would be smooth sailing in terms of security, wouldn't you?

<img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Hmm" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/hmm-PR4o6B1t.png">
Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
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PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 22:30

@IanDunt

By the time you address the lies they tell in the morning, they're telling more for lunch. It's ceaseless. No virtuous political project would feel the need to behave this way.

10:55 AM - 12 Feb 2019

This says it for me, the lies, misinformation and propaganda are awe inspiring.

Grinchly · 12/02/2019 22:34

On the 12th day of Brexit, Theresa gave to me

Twelve plotters plotting
eleven lexits leaving
Ten toffs a frothing
Nine points off our GDP!

Over to everyone else...

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 22:35

Matt Dathan @ matt_dathan
Exclusive: Secret traffic light-coded progress report reveals just 6 of 40 EU trade deals are on course to be rolled over in time for Brexit Day on March 29th:

www.thesun.co.uk/news/brexit/8414522/liam-fox-6-of-40-trade-deals/amp/?__twitter_impression=true
Liam Fox scrambles to sign trade deals after leaked list reveals just six out of 40 will be done in time for Brexit
The Government has promised that 40 EU free trade deals with 70 countries will still apply under a No-Deal Brexit

They are the four already agreed, with Switzerland – signed on Monday – Chile, an Eastern and Southern African block, and the Faroe Islands.

In addition, deals with Israel and the Palestinian Authority are “on track”.

Amber warnings are given to nine countries – including major agreements with economic powerhouses South Korea and Canada – which are dubbed: “Deliverability by March 29 as off-track”.

And red and black warnings are given to 23 other EU deals, including big trading partners Japan, Turkey and Mexico, which are given no chance of being completed by Brexit Day

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RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 22:37

I've got Five for you:

FIVE Trade Deals (yes I know its four but it's Brexit exaggeration and lying is all the rage and I'm feeling generous)

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Sostenueto · 12/02/2019 22:38

Beginning to wonder if I'm on the right thread. Its only the prospect of a 500 page document miraculously appearing that keeps me going. (Not).
Thanks for new thread red. Flowers