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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
35
PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 21:42

Pigs and humans smell the same when roasted. Not nice.

Hazards · 12/02/2019 21:44

pesty yes I forgot that. That makes squirrel sound appealing...

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 21:45

TiP I occasionally hike with some German neighbours through the countryside and we usually see a few pretty little deer
We also hear shooting

Lunch at a local restaurant is the most delicious traditional venison stew with red cabbage
made more delicious by the memory of the frolicking animals
'Tis the natural cycle.

PerverseConverse · 12/02/2019 21:45

Thank god for tofu.

Speaking of food- let's not feed the under bridge dwellers. Humorous as they are.

TalkinPeece · 12/02/2019 21:47

Bigchoc
I just found the contrast odd, with Raab stressing his titles so much
I suspect that is less about Raab than about standard Parliamentary protocol
same as the daft titles rules in the honours lists

Hazard
Yonks ago we walked through a boar farm near here and there was a badly injured pig in the paddock. Mentioned it to the farmer when we saw him "it will be gone by morning" he said Grin

pesty
Long pig Wink

prettybird · 12/02/2019 21:47

When I was doing my year in France (I know, pesky member of the elite with my Economics and French degree Wink), I was offered a horse meat steak. I had to remind myself that there was no real difference between eating a cow and eating a horse. It was very similar to a beef steak - just, iirc, more strongly flavoured (but probably just differently flavoured).

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 21:47

Um, pesty I can be very greedy, but I've never smelt roast human
So I have only read of the similarity in smell to pork

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 21:49

Agree Perverse feeding them facts resulted in "I want to fuck over Ireland and Scotland can fuck off". "I'm special, rules don't apply in my vision"

Ignore, ignore, ignore

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 21:50

Eeek, TiP Pigs always give me the creeps
Maybe because unlike with sweet litle lambs, cows, chickens etc I'm aware the tables could be turned if one of us ever became vulnerable

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 21:50

Kings Cross, two days after the fire, boak Sad It is indeed true.

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 21:51

pretty I read that horse meat is supposed to be healthier than beef, assuming both in good condition

PerverseConverse · 12/02/2019 21:53

PestyMachtubernahme the let's bully and blackmail Ireland gave me the rage. Leave mentality personified.

I often wonder why Wales doesn't get a mention? No one bothers about Wales.

prettybird · 12/02/2019 21:54

I've also had antelope meat in South Africa (I particularly like buck biltong), which is tasty, as is ostrich and kangaroo meat (both very lean).

So squirrel meat is not much of a jump Smile

jasjas1973 · 12/02/2019 21:58

When i was a kid, after chapel, mum used to us round to see an elderly lady who kept a pig in her kitchen, it was quite old, very friendly and big!

The original idea was it would be fattened and eaten, but she grew very fond of the pig and kept it, was odd really because they were farmers, the son still is, yet kept this one farm animal as a pet.

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 21:59

Brexiters keep thinking they're back in the 19th century when they could do what they wanted to Ireland.
However, for the first time in our mutual history, Ireland has powerful friends and possibly the whip hand over Britain.

Of course, the way the Breitbart fan wanted to treat Ireland wouldn't be allowed to happen by the EU, the US or all the other countries in the Irish diaspora

However, it would be an acurate prediction of how the US would treat the UK post-Brexit
The US is notably brutal in trade negotiations against a much weaker opponent

Trumps past history and his "Art of the Deal" with Winners vs Losers doesn't indicate he would grant any special favours either.

AdaHopper · 12/02/2019 22:00

This tickled me

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
Grinchly · 12/02/2019 22:00

Shall we just ignore our pals when they next come on shift?
Nothing's to be gained is there.

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 22:00

Oh, pesty Sad

Grinchly · 12/02/2019 22:01

Pretty I agree, eaten all those. Grin

1tisILeClerc · 12/02/2019 22:02

Reindeer is good.
Not seen horse in the supermarkets for a while but rabbits and snails.
At this point the cheese counter is very appealing!

TalkinPeece · 12/02/2019 22:03

I agree about ignoring the bridge dwellers ..... be random at them and ignore them is the best for our blood pressure.

yolofish · 12/02/2019 22:04

Long pig... not a fan of horse or taureau (too strong a flavour). Game birds - yum. I'd give squirrel a go - grey, not red obvs.

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 22:04

Exactly grinchly IGNORE it / them totally
They only want to derail & distract, so we post to them instead of our usual Brexit discussion & news
They are very low info posters, just hecklers

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 22:06

C4 news clip

More low info Brexiter Brits living in Spain only now realising that ending FOM would also end their own FOM

mobile.twitter.com/JimMFelton/status/1094698314912722944

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 22:08

If you look at the threads, we are pretty good at derailing ourselves Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread