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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
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PerverseConverse · 12/02/2019 21:21

Humour aside, what the fuck is TM actually DOING?? What is all this fannying about and voting and delaying actually achieving except to drive us closer to the cliff with no ideas of how to resolve anything at all??

Another vote 6 days before brexit. 6 fucking days! And if they say no again? What will she achieve in 6 days that she hasn't achieved so far?

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 21:21

Grey squirrels are culled because they can be classed as a pest:

They strip bark from trees, damaging them.
They take eggs, which can be bad for rarer species.
They can damage homes.
They carry squirrel pox which is particularly bad for red squirrels.

Why not eat them if their population needs controlling anyway? Not sure why its unethical.

OP posts:
DangermousesSidekick · 12/02/2019 21:23

Elements - I was assuming it was the greys, I would be quite irked if anyone tried to target our reds. I'd have to join hunt sabs or write letters or something if that was going on.

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 21:23

Squirrels aren't very big, once you take away the bushy tale, doesn't look like one would serve a family
Mostly red squirrels near me in Germany and they are really tiny and too cute to eat

I think my main concern about eating squirrel would be health & safety (finicky Aspie here):

the animal hasn't been reared by a farmer under known conditions
Are there any loathsome rodent diseases that might start circulating ?

Govitis maybe

DangermousesSidekick · 12/02/2019 21:24

Perverse, she's getting her own way, that's what she's doing. She's forcing her WA through.
I think when all this is cleared up Parliament should find some way of making deliberate time wasting illegal.

Grinchly · 12/02/2019 21:24

Don't understand your pint bigchoc. Robbins is a SpAD/ civil servAnt.

Grinchly · 12/02/2019 21:26

Point sorry

yolofish · 12/02/2019 21:26

Is it breaking talk guidelines to say that I think most leavers on this thread are a) goady fuckers, b) thick as the proverbial two short planks, and c) would make better eating than squirrels? I mean, it's my honest opinion.

1tisILeClerc · 12/02/2019 21:27

{eating squirrel would be health & safety}
Eating squirrels is definitely not healthy or safe for the squirrel.

Grinchly · 12/02/2019 21:28

Best to ignore yolo I think.

Hazards · 12/02/2019 21:28

From my veggie perspective I say eat the grey squirrel... I don't like them for the already mentioned reasons. Also red squirrels are very cute and not edible.

Can you lot give up pork? Pig eating is weird.... smart as a dog and skin like a human? Eek!

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 21:28

People eat venison, wild rabbit and hare. All are fine. You do have to know a gamekeeper to get squirrel.

TalkinPeece · 12/02/2019 21:29

Bigchoc
Olly is the UK's Barnier
an unelected bureaucrat Grin

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 21:29

The English influence:

I had supper at my fav Rhein cafe < burp > NOT squirrel
and an old lady was there having her birthday supper with about 25 relatives of different generations

Being Germany, a bloke played Happy Birthday on an accordion ,,,, and most of the German family sang it in excellent English

I notice the difference from my first job, when nobody outside work spoke English and now so many ordinary people do, especially the under-35s

TalkinPeece · 12/02/2019 21:30

Hazards
DH and I walked through a pig farm last weekend. Chatted to the pigs as they kept an eye on us as they ate.
Did not put me off eating pork Smile

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 21:31

Brexit could go down as the longest filibuster ever.

1tisILeClerc · 12/02/2019 21:32

Yolofish
No absolutely not. They all have really valid reasons to vote leave and it will be the best thing ever. All the plans are meticulously worked out and ready to leap into action the minute the UK actually leaves.
Did you not see the brilliant plan they came up with earlier to re employ the car workers when BMW JLR etc disappear. A work of brilliance.

Huggybear16 · 12/02/2019 21:32

Remainers - so frothy when challenged

I find it amusing that Whiney123 thinks anyone was challenged by her. I'd find a question from my son's sock puppet more challenging.

1tisILeClerc · 12/02/2019 21:32

I might be lying though, hard to tell.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 12/02/2019 21:32

www.kelsi.org.uk/__data/assets/pdf_file/0009/89595/Brexit-Guidance-Note-for-Schools.pdf

Wonder if this advice has been updated as it optimistically says "
We will be providing detailed guidance in January on how we would advise schools to function during periods of disruption, when the picture is more clear."

7Days · 12/02/2019 21:36

Head Bang Ing.

prettybird · 12/02/2019 21:36

I've got a good recipe for gluten free Jaffa drizzle cake, which I could share if we have more visitors Wink

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 21:36

I know what Robbins is - our professional negotiator
as compared to Raab, our former amateur negotiator

I just found the contrast odd, with Raab stressing his titles so much

I may be projecting, because EU reports were that Raab and DD - when he turned up - never attempted to break the ice, as is normal in such negotiations,
but were rude & agressive, harangued the EU side with nationalist speeches of no substance,
then buggered off.

Hazards · 12/02/2019 21:39

TiP but did you look at their skin? And did you know scientists in Spain wanted to slightly alter pig DNA so that could grow human organs in them? They got barred because the powers at be were worried that any altering of pig DNA could result in the pig being humanoid.

Also pigs will eat anything...including unconscious humans.

Also don't they use pig for some human medical procedures skin grafts things in women who have stretched their skin to much with over large breast implants?

And I've grossed myself out... Grin

Cant people just eat squirrel, chicken and fish?

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 21:40

Leclerc I remember the great plans and opportunities there were going to be in the former industrial heartlands,
when MrS T's de-industrialisation policy was just clearing away lame duck firms, so that the workers could have more fulfilling jobs afterwards ....

most are still waiting for anything more than ZH & McJobs