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Brexit

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined

960 replies

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 16:45

In a parallel universe Spitting Image never left our screens.

Theresa is a zombie who the other Tories can not not kill no matter how many times they try. Attempts to try and bump her off make up a regular weekly slot.

Spreadsheet Phil is a bit like John Major; grey and dull. But Spreadsheet Phil has something else. A giant magic calculator he spends the entire time adding up the cost of Brexit, until his fingers start giving off smoke from the speed.

The Saj. The Saj is gonna fix it. The Saj makes a point of trying to be more xenophobic than every other member of the Cabinet at meetings until everyone looks at him ranting incoherently about an orchestraed army of illegals invading on board a flottilla of inflatable kayaks.

Jeremy, now has a union jack lapel badge where his NHS one once was placed. Jeremy is a suck up. No matter what the subject, he's the one on the button with party sentiment. He flip flops depending on what the latest hot topic of Conservative Home is. He spends a lot of time checking the website for inspiration. He's usually also about two inches away from May's arse.

Stephen is a stuffed teddy bear, devoid of personality. He just gets passed around and sat in the right chair at EU meetings and doesn't speak or do much whilst wearing his rapidly fading Vote Leave Tshirt.

Gavin generally sits in the corner playing with his toy soliders and the unlucky soul he's forced to play with him today. They always look petrified and as if they have been taken hostage.

David sit with his head perpetually in his hands. He's forever cleaning up the mess that Chris has made in the office.

Matt, has an app on his phone that he constantly plays with. He now wears Jeremy's old lapel badge. He is currently trying to order body bags and insulin and not look incredibly worried. He would like a bus, but no one will give him one.

No one can remember who on earth Damian even is. They keep asking his name and job title. Its like his entire department has fallen down the crack at the back of the sofa.

Dr Liam, just bores the tits off everyone showing them his latest holiday snaps of some far flung African country no one can find on the map.

Greg. Poor Greg. He offers the Japanese a cracking deal. Then Theresa blew it. Generally speaking his job is purely to ring around businesses shouting 'ITS ALL GOING TO BE FINE. REALLY IT IS. HONEST. I PROMISE YOU'. With ever decreasing panic and sense of terror with each new call.

Michael, like Jeremy tries to stand as close to Theresa as physically possible. He's weasel looking with his hand constantly behind his back concealing a knife.

Chris sits plays with a lighter and a naked fuel or some other lethal combination, looking at it with wonder about what might happen if they touch. Everyone tends to try and sit as far away from Chris as possible as usually there is a disaster close at hand.

Amber, after having got another job after being sacked to save May resigning from the Home Office, spends the entire time threatening to resign again. Everyone ignores her, because they know she'll never do it. She's just background noise.

Andrea just fetches the home made jam, tea and biscuits and looks confused most of the time.

The potrait of Maggie on the wall, just looks on with a new expression of horror each episode.

OP posts:
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RedToothBrush · 12/02/2019 20:51

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/brexit-no-prosperity-from-a-collapse-in-the-pound-warns-carney-p5sf7q39f?utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Twitter#Echobox=1549993363
Brexit: No prosperity from a collapse in the pound, warns Carney

With only 45 days until Britain is due to leave the European Union, the Bank of England governor warned that a no-deal, no-transition Brexit would be “an economic shock” for the country. “You have got to recognise this could go quite badly,” he said.

Someone is coming to view the house tomorrow. Nfi what we will do if they offer the asking price at this point.

I would want to delay moving forward on anything until we know the score...

OP posts:
Hasenstein · 12/02/2019 20:54

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BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 20:54

That's interesting, derxa So many factors interacting

Oh and some of us love our local British farmers - and some are now loving our local German farmers
They care for the animals and they give me high quality, tasty food, so of course I love them !

I glanced at a horrid MN thread the other day though, with that unpleasant Hercules person stating they hated farmers
ffs, what an idiotic post

My wifi was so annoyed at that, it broke, so I couldn't educate the twat

Jericho1 · 12/02/2019 20:55

Theresa May is doing anything other than running down the clock is completely naive

CRAG.
www.politicshome.com/news/uk/political-parties/conservative-party/theresa-may/news/101819/theresa-may-accused-ripping

Very few MPs and very few of us have had to understand and experience authoritarianism, and how to be brave and stand up to it, before. Privilege which is a weakness.

foggyuplands · 12/02/2019 20:56

I do not work in this field but I am interested in this.
What I have been able to gather is that there may be less competition in retail food sales.
The difference is subsidies between US and EU also has an impact.
There are fewer middle level buyers in Europe as food is produced on a smaller more local scale, so less people need to make a profit.
US has more emphasis on uniform appearance of food than EU.
Food prices are also rising due to dairy shortages, bird flu and drought impact on a range of food.
Electricity and gas costs are much higher because there are monopolies in these areas.

Ahh cross post with derxa

prettybird · 12/02/2019 20:58

I think you're being unfair on most of the contributors to these threads about their attitudes to farmers derxa Sad

We recognise how hard farmers work and how difficult it is to make ends meet, and how much particularly small and medium sized farmers contribute to the British countryside that we recognise.

We've posted multiple times in horror about the ERG's favourite economist, Minford, and his vision of a de-regulated, tariff free "global" UK where farming and and mass manufacturing are both seen as acceptable collateral damage Angry

foggyuplands · 12/02/2019 21:00

I grew up with small scale dairy farmers and hill farmers. I fear particulary for hill farmers post Brexit, I cannot see them surviving.

DGRossetti · 12/02/2019 21:02

Tanith left out the best bit ..

You curl your toes in fun, as you smile at everyone
You meet the stares, you're unaware that your doings are undone
And you laugh most ruthlessly, as you tell us what not to be
But how are we supposed to see where we should run?

I see you shuffle in the courtroom, with your rings upon your fingers
And your downy little sidies and your silver-buckle shoes
Playing at the hard case, you follow the example
Of the comic-paper idol, who lets you bend the rules
So, come on you childhood heroes, won't you rise up from the pages
Of your comic-books, your super crooks, and show us all the way?
Well, make your will and testament,
won't you join your local government?
We'll have Superman for president, let Robin save the day
You put your bet on number one and it comes up every time
The other kids have all backed down and they put you first in line
And so you finally ask yourself just how big you are
And you take your place in a wiser world of bigger motor cars
(And you wonder who to call on ...)
So, where the hell was Biggles when you needed him last Saturday?
And where are all the sportsmen who always pulled you through?
They're all resting down in Cornwall, writing up their memoirs
For a paperback edition of the Boy Scout Manual

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 21:03

21 sitting days, so like must be done by March 1st Hmm

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 21:03

I wouldn't mind if May had anything resembling a plan to get her WA through

Unfortunately, I think she is just surviving from day to day, without forward planning - and has been doing so for the last 18 months

She probably hopes to force the WA through at the last moment

However, overcoming a majority against her of 200 may require more than just Tock Tock
So many MPs are thick enough to believe the EU will blink at the 59th minute

  • and Loathsome may even be thick enough to believe we can unilaterally decide to dither beyond that

I fear No Deal via miscalculation, or May beating her head against the HoC brick wall until time runs out

DGRossetti · 12/02/2019 21:06

Proof these boards are bugged Grin

www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-london-47216587/grey-squirrel-lasagne-on-london-restaurant-menu

Grey squirrel lasagne on London restaurant menu

A London chef is serving up lasagne made out of grey squirrel meat.

Ivan Tisdall-Downes, who runs central restaurant Native, said he was not actively hunting squirrels to put on his customers' plates.

Mr Tisdall-Downes said squirrels were essentially a waste product due to gamekeepers culling the animal and so he was just putting the meat to use.

Supermarkets have also began selling squirrel, but some ethical groups are asking if it's right to eat the animals.

InterchangeableEmma · 12/02/2019 21:08

PMK

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 21:08

DGR DD and I read that earlier today. One Budgens stocked squirrel in 2010. It is a nine year old distraction.

Jericho1 · 12/02/2019 21:10

talkradio.co.uk/news/hundreds-people-sign-brexit-party-under-false-names-internet-prank-19021229856

Blush Wink Fun game for a Tuesday night though. Grin

DangermousesSidekick · 12/02/2019 21:11

What's the ethical argument against squirrel meat? I'm veggie as it happens, but what's the difference between eating baby sheep, cute big-eyed wild deer, and big bossy bullying grey squirrels? Is it just that they haven't been viewed as a meat animal before?

PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 21:11

Well the lasagne story is lifted from british-utilities.co.uk/2019/low-carbon-cuisine-squirrel-lasagne and the rest has been googled, without reference to dates.

DGRossetti · 12/02/2019 21:12

What's the ethical argument against squirrel meat? I'm veggie as it happens, but what's the difference between eating baby sheep, cute big-eyed wild deer, and big bossy bullying grey squirrels?

None. Eating meat is a binary choice. Being picky for reasons other than safety, taste or nutrition is hypocritical.

IMHO Grin

Hazards · 12/02/2019 21:13

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/brexit-no-deal-theresa-may-mps-latest-leave-eu-date-jeremy-corbyn-yvette-cooper-a8776306.html

Just reading up on the labour and cross party amendments.... Ooo err they are cutting it fine with the deadline!

IMO It comes across that it's nothing to do with getting the EU to blink but the MPs. May is trying to back MPs into a corner and no deal is the punishment and May's tantrum for daring to disagree. If MPs don't want to be bullied by May they should back the amendments...but I'm not hopeful on numbers yet.

BigChocFrenzy · 12/02/2019 21:16

ITV has full details on Olly Robbins' pub conversation !

www.itv.com/news/2019-02-12/exclusive-uk-chief-brexit-negotiator-olly-robbins-warns-mps-the-choice-is-mays-deal-or-extension/

btw, their photo shows Robbins and Raab at a conference, with Raab having the full ego nameplate "Rt Hon" & "MP"
whereas Robbins just has "Olly Robbins"

I suppose that's all Raab ever had to boast about

Westminstenders: Spitting Image Reimagined
PestyMachtubernahme · 12/02/2019 21:16

Squirrels are vegetarian, DH says they make a fine pasty.
If they outlaw eating dog, will the gamekeeper still be able to make fox pasties?

Mistigri · 12/02/2019 21:17

300 posts already and I don't think I ever caught up with the last thread. I see the whiners are back. I wonder which they would choose between May's deal and a long Brexit delay.

Will be in the U.K. for our February holidays. My oldest asked me if was safe to speak French on British trains ....

1tisILeClerc · 12/02/2019 21:17

With all the back stabbing, 'economy of truth' and the general shenanigans, dealing with the EU after 29 March is going to be bloody hard work.

PerverseConverse · 12/02/2019 21:17

Ooooh I have Waitrose flapjacks. I must be ultra elite. Especially as I get both income support and tax credits! I feel so privileged. I e got kale and quinoa burgers in the freezer too.

Goddammit now I'm hungry for those flapjacks but I'm too tired to traipse down 2 floors to the kitchen to get them.

TheElementsSong · 12/02/2019 21:18

I'd eat squirrel, they're herbivores and the grey ones are vermin which could do with being culled. But I wouldn't eat carnivore (I suppose unless really starving).

Tanith · 12/02/2019 21:18

All of it written by an imaginary 8 year old, if I recall correctly. Some people spent years trying to track him down Grin

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