My in laws asked me to not speak my native language

[Kate8889]

We were all sitting together and my mom said something to me in our native language that wasn't complimentary of my in laws (she didn't like that they called her grandma, she has repeatedly asked to not be called that).

The next day my in laws in strong terms asked that I not speak in my native tongue when around them. I am devastated. It is my identity and how I communicate with my mom. It's one of the few things that feel like they are truly mine right now

You sound very passive. You don't have to obey your in law's rules. You should speak your mother tongue to your children, who cares what in laws say? it's your children's language
too and they have a right to speak and learn it. I would be telling your dh and in laws you'll be making sure your children learn your language and that's that. they have no right to object

Reminds me of officer Healy in Orange is the New Black who had a Russian wife that despised him. She had her mum there and they talked shit about him all day long in Russian. Maybe OPs ILs have seen it.

And you have to blindly obey them because......?

Actually, no. No you don't.

This. How rude and disrespectful of you both

I find this post to be truly bizarre.
How on earth do you get the impression that the poster thinks Welsh is inferior to English?

I think the language is irrelevant here. If I was in [insert country] with several people with whom I normally spoke [insert language of country] , and a single non-speaker of that language joined us, absolutely we would switch to a common language (assuming, as with the Welsh/English scenario, we all shared one) Why on earth would we choose to purposely exclude someone present and continue as if they were not even there. Who would actually do that?
Ensuring an environment where all present are able to converse and share ideas/stories/laughs/whatever, when it is possible to do so, is surely just the default for considerate human beings?

Speak to Your DC in your own language all the time in Your home. If your ILs wont respect your DM's name then that is on them.

It's not Dead Poets actually (I've never seen it)it's from the Archers but the poem was Walt Whitman.

30 minutes with them a day, longer on a weekend around your in laws will not impact you teaching your children your language.
My friend does 1 parent 1 language, so when she is with them at home she purely only speaks her native language, she speaks to her DH in English, he speaks to the children in English, they attend school where they speak English all day but as soon as she picks them up after saying goodbye to all the other parents she switches back to Spanish.
When we go around everyone speaks English, it would feel pretty uncomfortable otherwise, so I’m not surprised your in laws think it’s a little rude.
My child goes to school (age 6) and one of his best friends can speak 3 languages, her Mum is Italian, Dad is French and she speaks English at school.
They also did 1 parent 1 language, it takes effort but by sticking with it, the opportunities it creates is massive.

It was incredibly rude and I say that as a person who speaks 2 languages. Even my workplace did not allow this. I can see why you in laws were offended.

I have often been around people speaking their native languge and honestly, I have always been more than than happy, life is too short and precious for this type of obnoxious demand you have been subjected to

It is down right shameful of your monsters in law to demand you don't speak your natuve language, they are being racist and that is definatly wrong.

Tell them to take a long walk off a short pier with their unreasonable demand and carry on as before.

What do you mean you won't be able to? You know you don't have to obey your in-laws, right?

So whilst you are dressing them, reading them stories, doing all the mundane stuff, you talk to them in your language. Then whilst with English speaking people, you don’t. It’s not difficult. Over time, your kids will pick up your language.

And get your dh to talk to them about the grandma issue.

Do you not spend time with the DC in the morning before daycare and at the weekends? They also won't always be in bed by 8pm.

If it's important to you that your DC learn your language, then you need to actively do it and stand up for yourself. Your in laws don't get to decide.

Well tell them no, as you want your children to have the huge advantage of having more than one language to speak. They have no right to tell you how to bring up your children and what languages you can speak to them. I agree with other posters about it being rude for you to speak it in front of them, but hopefully you are not actually with them 24 hours a day.

I was going to ask if they bought your house as they are overstepping massively.

Are they the type of people to turf you out if you put boundaries down?

Do you feel unable to have boundaries as they paid for your home? Were there strings attached when it was happening?

Your Mum needs to keep correcting them - your in-laws don’t own you.

You need to refuse their request to stop speaking with your children in your mother tongue - it’s offensive of them. It is rude to talk in front of them in a different language however if your parents only communicate in that language then the in-laws need to suck it up.

Hard and firm boundaries need to be used here however I do worry your husband won’t have your back - did you ever discuss your children being bi-lingual with you?

Then she should translate what her mother is saying to company present - it’s what my family did if we had elderly visiting relatives who had no English. Obviously if I and my mum/sisters were not in the room they all spoke Urdu, but they automatically explained the gist of a conversation if we could not understand it. Not easy to do if the mother is being rude, though.

I think what you have is similar to what we had. You'd have about 20 people all switching to English because of one person. Not all the people spoke fluent English. It seemed bizarre.
I was told it was to be polite.

Uncle and Auntie's children speak the country's language, as do their children. Auntie speaks to them in English but they don't reply in English.

If I see Uncle and Auntie, i speak to them in my own language but if I address Auntie directly, I switch to English. Something like 'Hej Onkel Kris, hvordan har du det?, Hello Auntie Lynne, how are you?' I don't think it's rude. If it is, then she's got rude kids and grandkids too.

There is no way I'd switch to English with my own immediate family unless it directly concerned the third party.

Welsh isn't a race, it's a nationality.

I don't mind being at work and hearing Italians/South Africans talking in Italian/Afrikaans amongst each other. The conversation doesn't involve me. In a formal meeting, then the lingua franca is used.

OP grow a backbone and parent your children how you want to, not how your inlaws tell you to.

I would probably avoid speaking in your native language around your inlaws though, especially if as you say they are there for 20-30 minutes a day. I think everyone can manage speaking the same language for that length of time. It is perceived as rude to deliberately speak a language that only some of the group understand.

@Kate8889 could have just said her Mum doesn't like being called Grandna without going into too much detail.

They can ask what they want, but you and only you decides on what language you speak to your children.

Kindly meant, but get a grip.
THEY do NOT get to dictate to you.

Tell your husband to sort this out with them or he can see his parents with the children in their home.
That you will NOT be dictated to them on this matter.

They are CF's to even suggest this.

Was the house gifted to you?
If not perhaps you need to rethink where you are living.

Do be so dramatic! Unless you are with your in laws 24/7 there is lots of time to speak your language with them. And there is a massive difference between teaching words and phrases and having side conversations about people in front of them. Your mother was appallingly rude and you aren't doing yourself any favours here either.

Well precisely. My grandmother on that side didn’t like it. And especially the name ‘nanny’ as the shadows of colonialism meant that a nanny in Iran/ME is a ‘servant’ only. She was Dadajaan. Ironically my other grandmother was South African and went by Ouma, and also took umbrage if called Nanna/nanny!

No, it would be considered rude in any language. So if everyone in a group could speak German, but not everyone in the group could speak English, then it would be considered polite for everyone to speak German regardless of their native language.

It is impolite to speak a different language if there is a common language so as to not exclude anyone from a conversation.

Stop playing the victim. You're embarrassed because you were rightfully called out for being rude. Of course they can't control what you do with your kids and stop you from ever speaking your language. They've just asked you to stop being rude.