My in laws asked me to not speak my native language

[Kate8889]

We were all sitting together and my mom said something to me in our native language that wasn't complimentary of my in laws (she didn't like that they called her grandma, she has repeatedly asked to not be called that).

The next day my in laws in strong terms asked that I not speak in my native tongue when around them. I am devastated. It is my identity and how I communicate with my mom. It's one of the few things that feel like they are truly mine right now

Its perfectly normal to call someone who is a grandma "Grandma" in front of their grandchildren... Your mum is being a bit unreasonable to expect them not to, unless she has a different preferred grand parent name like Nonna etc. and your ILs are using the wrong one.

I also don’t think that the in-laws need to understand everything that you say to your children… you will find that only people who can only speak English are of this opinion and I find it quite arrogant.

It's not ok to call her grandma to her face. Learn her name FFS!

Sorry, but why are you letting your in-laws decide how you speak to your children?

The fact that your mother was speaking about them in unfavourable terms in your language while in front of them says it all doesn't it.

They are not saying don't ever speak your language but it is common decency when you're with others to speak a language you all speak if not they can't follow conversations and as you've proven it's used to speak negatively about people right in front of them.

I'm of Nigerian decent FYI so I also speak my native language but when I'm with a group of people who don't speak the language it's rude to do so in front of them.

And this applies to all languages eg if you marry a french man and he and his family intentionally speak in French when they are with you, you find yourself just sitting there listless not knowing what's going on right or if they are speaking about you or mocking you.

you shouldn't speak about people in front of them. Ever.

You can speak to your mum in whatever language you choose whoever is around.

No idea why it posted multiple times.

Deleting due to posting multiple same post times.

Deleting due to posting same post multiple times

Deleting multiple post

don't be a wet lettuce.
Speak your native language when you like.

Just don't be a dick about it and talk about people who are there.

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If only that were true… sadly it is not.

Of course you can teach your children your native language. It would be silly not too. But what you can also do is teach them how it is considered rude to speak another language around other people in the group who may not understand it and that they should therefore use the appropriate language for the group they’re in. A fairly simple concept really.

It is if you’re referring to her, to the children!

My DH doesn’t say ‘Sharon wants to read you a story’ to DS when my Mum is visiting, he says ‘Grandma wants to read you a story’. If he’s addressing her directly then he uses her name.

They sound awful and your husband should be backing you not them

nope.
Sounds as though you should either adopt Minority Language At Home (only if your DH is fluent) or One Parent One Language - which sounds appropriate for you.

Your ILs can get to fuck about not teaching your children your own language, there are a lot of studies about how beneficial bilinguality is to children's growing brains.

But you must teach them not to speak about people when those people are present in a language those people don't understand/speak.

But you said yourself that you bitched about them to her.

As others have said, it IS rude and exclusionary to speak in a different language in front of others IF you are perfectly capable of speaking their language.

When I was 20, an Italian Maitre D said something rude about me to another member of our group who spoke fluent Italian. I have never forgotten it (I wish the other person hadn't told me at all, but he did).

But if your mother was not 'Grandma' but 'Granny' or 'Nana' or 'Abuela' or 'Nonna' or whatever, he wouldn't say 'Grandma', would he.

I think you're being ridiculous. Yes you can and should teach your children your language. When you're conversing with the in laws or giving fodio conversations or you're all sitting together yes you should speak English so everyone can follow along. But you can still speak to your kids in torn language and also eg direct conversations or instructions etc.

Did they realize what your mother was saying?

Better to just see ILs and DM separately. If DH doesn’t speak native language then see DM without DH so they can speak their language freely. Better still divorce DH and marry someone from her native country who doesn’t insist on speaking English at all.

Oh dear.
I can assure you, we do NOT feel inferior to ANY other race.
What you are suggesting is be bl**dy rude to a non Welsh speaking guest. Thank goodness you are not in our circle, you sound perfectly awful.

Yes there is. In English she's "grandmother", but that's not what she wants her grandchildren to call her. She can decide what she wants them to call her. The in law's are being rude by referring to her as "grandmother" . It's like calling a man called Carlos Charles .