Thoughts on 18yo daughter having her boyfriend stay over in our house regularly

[hafflesnaffle]

She says he can stay in spare room and nothing will go on. He lives some distance away. Im wary though and worried neighbours and relatives will gossip and this lad will be getting his ‘feet under the table’. And also having to police that nothing is going on! Daughter reckons i need to come into the 21st century! How have others dealt with it?

Presumably you and the father of your children manage/managed to fuck each other without keeping the whole house awake? Why do you imagine your daughter’s going to do the full When Harry Met Sally performance?

Are you in a position to financially help her to get a place of her own? I had a mortgage with my then boyfriend when I was 18 but the reality is it's not that affordable for 18 year olds to do that now but whats the alternative? You having a miserable relationship with her until whatever year she reaches into her 20's where you finally relent! I started seeing my ex in 1997 when I was 17, we didn't have parents who'd let us be like a couple either so we'd end up down dark country lanes trying to have a decent shag in an E reg Ford Fiesta!

My DD is 19 she doesn't have a BF but if she did, he'd be welcome here, its her home, so i'd be fine with him staying. Why would you care what your neighbours may think? Mine wouldnt even notice, and even if they did, wouldnt give a damn who stays in our home, nor is it any of their business!

You are not happy and feel uncomfortable OP. Its your house, your rules say no..

It’s OP’s house but it’s her daughter’s home too. OP presumably has sex but that’s fine?

Your daughter is an adult. If they’re going to have sex they will be doing it elsewhere so saying he can’t stay over isn’t going to stop them sleeping together
My rules at this age were that DD was welcome to share a room with DP occasionally ( no more than twice a week - we didn’t want a lodger ) and I didn’t want to hear them “at it”.
It’s sod all to do with the neighbours and why do you care what they think anyway !

The trouble is, they never stick to twice a week, in my experience, so I’d say no, except for very occasionally.

Yeah I’m the same age and I completely disagree with you. Not everyone thinks it’s a good idea to let 16 year olds sleep over.

Appreciate you have your views and do wha works for you but understand not everyone wants to jump at letting their kids do this - even people your age. Seriously doubt the OP is a gran in the 80s with an 18 year old so the hyperbole isn’t helpful.

If your Daughter can’t have sex in the safety of her home, are you advocating for her having sex in a park or alleyway instead?

If teenagers are going to have sex… they will find a way!

As a parent I would rather it be in their home than somewhere more risky, where someone might film them and post it on social media for everyone in the neighbourhood to watch????

I don't really understand this way of thinking. As soon as there was the slightest hint that my son would be sexually active (yes, legal age) I bought him a huge amount of condoms. Was I overly happy about it, not really, but I would rather he was safe and sensible and respectful towards his girlfriend. He is now 19 and has been with his girlfriend for over 1 1/2 years. She stays over once a week in his room, but her mum will not let him stay there, despite liking him as a person.

If they are going to have sex, I would much rather it was done somewhere safe and sensible. So far it has led to my son and his girlfriend behaving respectfully and we have a good relationship.

Is this a joke?
My elderly mother was outraged on Xmas day when she found out my sons girlfriend had stayed over Xmas Eve (both 18) but she’s 90 and an expected reaction for someone of her age.

You need to get a grip there is nothing disrespectful about it. And you’re obviously still living “back in the day” when sex was treated like a sin.

So where then?

Are you my mother?

I’d rather my child has sex safely in her home rather than down a side alley! 🙄
my daughter is 17 and regularly has her 18 year old boyfriend to stay! She’s safe!

Yep. I agree OP
not due to neighbours, not as I didn’t realise that things didn’t go on when we were out
but simply because I really didn’t want to think about or hear that at night, also with younger siblings in the house
really don’t care about other households

What the neighbours think would be the least of my worries worrying about having a screaming baby around and single mother parent having to live at home forever or until the council has to pick up the pieces would be

Sure may not happen but accidents happen regularly it seems

This is a very interesting demonstration of what people think it's important to be doing at 16-18 and how far parents should go to help their teens have a 'good healthy sex life' . See also drugs, drinking and smoking. Apparently ALL teens do all these anyway, so parents must offer a safe haven. Or fund their kids to move out. Hmmm... Personally I think there are far more important things for kids to be doing at that age. Focusing on their education, for one.

Anyway, clearly I am a 90-year-old Victorian. Oh well. I am only speaking up because I am tired of seeing only one way of parenting represented on MN.

Your DD is right, she’s an adult.

It’s up to you though as it’s your house.

IMO anarchic he can’t even stay in the spare room, assuming you can’t be that old yourself even if it was a later pregnancy, where have your views on ‘respect’ come from?

My answer would be different if we were talking about a 16 year old. I don’t subscribe to the ‘they will do it anyway so it’s better to be under my roof than a (car, someone else’s house wherever), when it comes to offspring under 18.

Back in your day… how old are you @hafflesnaffle?

It's interesting how posters can't seem to disagree without insults.

Your house, your rules OP.

The spare room would be ok for me personally but you’d need to trust your daughter.

'Back in my day' if you were a 17/18 year old in the 1950s then sure it was a prudish era. Maybe your parents grew up then and applied their rules to you. But in 2025, l think 18 is the right age to be discovering a nice, proper relationship with a significant other. Honestly as long as the BF is a nice person who treats your daughter well this is the holy grail, this is the 'standard' you want, imagine if she was going out with someone way older, far more to worry about.

🤣