Thoughts on 18yo daughter having her boyfriend stay over in our house regularly

[hafflesnaffle]

She says he can stay in spare room and nothing will go on. He lives some distance away. Im wary though and worried neighbours and relatives will gossip and this lad will be getting his ‘feet under the table’. And also having to police that nothing is going on! Daughter reckons i need to come into the 21st century! How have others dealt with it?

Ultimately, it’s your house your rules, but I 100% agree with your daughter. You sound very old fashioned and unusually concerned about what your neighbours will think. An 18 year old having their gf/bf sleep over is not unheard of. It’s absolutely fine to not want random people coming and going. But it sounds like your more caught up on the age thing so even if she’s still with this guy in a year you’ll still have an issue with it and she’s not setting down in her 20s.

it’s fine to ask what you want in your own house but don’t be surprised if she moves out sooner than hope.

I’m baffled that in 2025 some parents are still clutching at pearls at their adult children having sex! I also have an 18 year old (whose GF is currently in his bed now) and so OP you must be of a similar age as me and even back I. Our day, it was fairly normal for BF/GF’s to sleep over.

My DS’s GF stops over once or twice a week and I’ve never heard them have sex - his room is above the living room as well.

Surely it’s important to allow our children to grown and mature in their own homes? They will have sex, would you prefer they sneak around or do it in unsuitable places?

Maybe so but now its HER day and “standards” have shifted and you are stuck in past. I didn’t allow mine to bring back strangers but a steady bf/gf is completely different

I am likely younger than you.

But she asked for him to sleep in in the spare room without sex and you vetoed that too??? Don’t you and your partner have sex ? do your children hear that? And worrying about the neighbours???? You are being ridiculous but I don’t you will take that on board no matter how many people disagree with you

Are you a reform voter?

When I was young I couldn't think of anything less romantic than having sex at my boyfriends parents home.

When I was young a guy with a bachelor pad was much more appealing. Same applies to bacheloret pad I certainly wasn't alone in my thinking.

Girls used to want a male who was a protector are they now seeking the guys parents as a protector?

Agree

They are adults! If they go to uni you will have no idea what goes on! You are being daft.

It has nothing to do with you!! I’m in my 50s and I had my bf staying until the early hours regularly at that age and it had nothing to do with disrespecting my parents!!

Unless you are all sharing a room it’s highly unlikely you would hear anything as if they do have sex, they’ll be very conscious of other people being in the house.

My DD now 26 & been with BF for 9 years. He stayed over in her room & I was very clear that whilst I know what goes on (we’ve all been that age!) I definitely didn’t want to hear or see any evidence of it. I never had reason to speak to her about being disrespectful or inappropriate. When I was that age it was absolutely not allowed to stay over but we still found the opportunity whenever we could!

What happens in the house is up to whoever owns the house or if let who pays the rent. You don't automatically own your parents house at 18 unless they sign it over to you.

My dds boyfriend has been staying over with her at ours regularly since she was 18. They've been together since they were 14 and 15 and from the age of 16 DH and I would disappear to the pub most Saturday evenings for a few hours to let them have space. We all know what's likely on the agenda and better it happens in a safe, comfortable environment than behind a bush somewhere. If over 16, contraception is in place and the boyfriend is a good lad - let them crack on. Your views are very old fashioned imo. I remember being young and in love with nowhere to go. Cars, forest floors and even cheap hotel rooms - they'll find a way - horrible. I longed to spend time with him comfortably in my own home but my parents and his shared the same draconian views as you

Where do you want them to have sex?

I still don't understand why you think the police would be interested 🤷‍♂️

If you're not careful, you are going to give your daughter a complex around sex, intimacy and what a healthy relationship looks like (if you haven't already)

I have a 19 year old. Her boyfriend stays over and she stays at his house. Nobody else in our house has heard anything that bothered them because they are polite and considerate young people. I'm sure they'd be mortified if they thought anyone could hear them having sex!

What’s the police got to do with this?

This is it for me.
Boundaries, as my ds's girlfriend's got "their feet under the table", and then it's hard to say you can't stay over once you've allowed it.
As one night turns into two then they've basically moved in.

I misread the bit about 'having to police' as having the police hahaha

The rest of my message remains true

This. It’s the practically moving in part that would bother me rather than sex.

But that’s where you establish ground rules. You can say a maximum of nights, and the bf/gf needs to contribute to the household e.g washing up after dinner. It doesn’t need to be said in a sarcy manner - it can be discussed so all are happy.

Not like the other thread where the bf stats over, does fuck all and expects to be waited on!

Why would they move in? Presumably they have parents of their own who would like to see them sometimes?

She's 18. I'd kind of understand if she was 16 but she's an adult. If it's a long-term relationship I don't see the problem, and who cares what the neighbours think these days.

If he lives some distance away and this is a longer term boyfriend, then I’d let him stay over .
Since you’re obviously uncomfortable with the idea that they might be having sex under your roof then give him the spare room but I can’t guarantee that they won’t tiptoe around in the night .
Plus obviously talk about safe sex , contraception and respect for other family members.