Thoughts on 18yo daughter having her boyfriend stay over in our house regularly

[hafflesnaffle]

She says he can stay in spare room and nothing will go on. He lives some distance away. Im wary though and worried neighbours and relatives will gossip and this lad will be getting his ‘feet under the table’. And also having to police that nothing is going on! Daughter reckons i need to come into the 21st century! How have others dealt with it?

I think sometime it’s difficult to imagine your children with someone in that way, yes even at 18.

It is your house and your rules, I would consider this though, if they really want to they will and possibly in more difficult, possibly dangerous or more public areas.

It is up to you, but I would set your rules, but possibly not take too much notice to things if you need to leave the house. You have instilled your rules and wish them to respect your boundaries.

18 they are adults, which sometimes for some need a little more time to mature. So maybe have the chat about protection.

Absolutely agree

So where are they supposed to go to have sex then?

Yikes. My dd met her boyfriend at Uni when she was 18, they practically lived together. They’ve always stayed in the same room in my house. They’ve are now 27 and live in Australia. What I wouldn’t have to have them here in my home - shenanigans and all.

Oh dash the neighbours!

Have I just landed back in 1975?

You are being old fashioned 🤷‍♀️ your dd is an adult and if she wants to have sex with her boyfriend she’ll have sex.

I would make sure she’s sorted for contraception, tell her you do not want to hear a peep out of either of them and let them share a room.

This is what I did when my 17yo dd had a boyfriend.

If someone is mature enough for sex they should be able to sort out their own contraception and accommodation.

I wasn't allowed to have my bf stay over, so we had sex everywhere, in the first, in the car, in and dad's garage. I have no remorse, but at the same time would have rather been indoors in the warm. When my 17 year old wanted their girlfriend to stay over I said yes and can honestly say I never heard anything and they were together two years.

Oh come on. The cost of moving out these days is so high (not all go to uni) means that people shouldn’t have sex till mid/late 20’s?

Flat share (only one of them needs to have left family home), hotel, camping holidays

Yes you do. Shes 18 and it ts her business. Nothing to do with neighbours grandma. corner shop or anyone! You do know where she is and who she is with.

Yes you do. Shes 18 and it ts her business. Nothing to do with neighbours grandma. corner shop or anyone! You do know where she is and who she is with.

For an 18 year old, a few months is a long term relationship, OP. I can’t believe this thread isn’t a wind up and that anyone nowadays would have a problem with an 18 year old adult child having their boyfriend staying overnight. If you’re really concerned about hearing them shagging, then ask her to make sure they are quiet and point out thst the walls are quite thin. Nothing you can say or do will stop your daughter from having sex with her boyfriend so surely you would rather she did so in the comfort and safety of her own home than somewhere dodgy? And I very much doubt that the neighbours would even notice he’s staying, and if they did, why would they be bothered?

I wouldn't have a problem with the partner staying at Christmas for example. I wouldn't want it to be an expected regular occurrence.

Oh but a back alley or a car would be fine then ??

It's your house, your rules. I am on your side, because I do remember it happening to my inlaws. The BF staying over, eventually moving in, and then when it was time for him to move on out, it was a tug of war (won't go into details here).

If you don't want sex to be had in your house, say so.

Also lay down the law re contraception, pregnancy, etc (my parents were brutally straightfoward: they were willing to pay and support me up to uni, but any pregnancy wouldn't be welcomed ).

It's your call, OP.

Flat share? I would prefer my dd to save so she can buy a house rather than rent just so she can have sex.
Hotels and camping - yes they can do that sometimes but not regularly!
I won’t have a revolving door in my home and I like to know the people I will see in the kitchen in the morning but in the context of an established relationship where both are adults I see no problem at all. Plus I like to get a measure of the people my dc are in a relationship with.

IMHO if they want to be having ‘shenanigans’ it will be happening and I’d rather it were in a place of safety than them trying to get up to said shenanigans in a dark park or somewhere else. At 18 she’s over the age of consent and deemed adult enough to vote and drive - as long as there isn’t lots of evidence - auditory or otherwise - I think your stance may push her away.

But it's her house too.. she's lived there for 18 years.. if you can't talk to her or trust her.. then you obviously don't have a great relationship.. she's been legal to have sex for two years.. she's 18 now.. you cannot control her see life. You need therapy to get over your problems around thinking sex is something nasty or bad...

Yeah I get you. Your kid is 18 so having bf stay in spare room should be fine - just tell them your expectations and it’s your house.

I am seriously shocked people allow this at 16.

As am i!

But you asked if it would be unreasonable for him to stay over in the spare room so it got sidetracked. Surely it’s totally fine if they aren’t sleeping together?

This is the sort of thing that alienates adult children. I was 18 and engaged when my dad found out I was staying overnight with my fiance. He didn't speak to me for 3 months and I ended up moving out.
My dd told me when she started having sex at 16 and her bf is welcome to stay here anytime. 2 years later and both of them are comfortable here and can talk to me about anything

How old are you? Shenanigans, back in my day!! You are talking like my gran who’s in her 80s.

No one and I mean no one, is going to give a crap about him stopping over or where he sleeps.

The word you are looking for is sex. Nothing dirty about the word or act. Be a grown up and say sex.

I am 40 and I used to stop at my boyfriend’s house at 16. (I shared a room at home so he couldn’t stay at mine) and we had did have sex. It was in a safe place. We would have found a way to do it bed or know bed.