Ancestry results= family bombshell??

[SqueakyRadish]

Hey!
So... I did an ancestry thing just for fun, thought it would be cool to see my heritage etc.

Had my results back last week and it has "matched" me with another user that I share 27% of my DNA with, who it suggests is a half sibling or niece.

The most likely explanation (due to various factors) is that this is a niece.

But what the actual fuck do I do now? I feel awful because I know this and, as far as I know, nobody else in the family does.

I have one brother who has no children (or so I thought!) but who has been living, happily, with his partner and her 2 children for around 10 years.

He could have no idea? He could know and just want to keep it secret? He could know and other people in the family might know but keep it secret?

I literally just don't know what to do. I feel like I can't ask anyone in my family for advice because then I'm putting it on them as well.

Plus, if this other person does not want to be contacted or have anything to do with us then it feels like it would be better to just keep things as they are and do nothing at all.

I don't really know what I want... I just needed somewhere to talk about this and figure out what, if anything, I do next...

I know someone who did this and found out his dad of 53 years…..wasn’t his dad. Luckily they both had such a strong bond they managed to navigate it. His mam died so there was no one to ask. Now that’s a bombshell 😮

personally I'd reply and say you understand she doesn't want a relationship with your brother, so you won't message again but you're inbox is there if she changes her mind.

as for your brother, maybe start up a conversation about having done a DNA test and see where the conversation leads

No. It’s an ethical minefield but just stating what’s possible & what some do to answer these questions.

Honestly I think these ancestry tests are the spawn of the devil.

Moreover I am horrified that so many people, many of whom wouldn’t want a government ID card, are prepared to pay private companies to be able to give them their DNA where it’s only a matter of time before some major data leak occurs and God knows what happens to it and what they’re likely to be implicated in. Anyone who thinks that won’t happen is naive. It 100% is going to happen one day.

As for the ancestry links, if she doesn’t want to know then I would leave well alone.

Your brother has the ability to do a DNA test if he wants or if he suspects. I imagine most men must wonder if they have children out there they don’t know about if they’ve slept around a bit in their youth.

I don’t know about all babies. I do think paternity tests should be carried out if a woman is claiming CMS, especially if she’s not prepared to put the father on the birth certificate.

I think most men would assume they would be notified 😂😂

I’m finding all of you smiley emojis and “haha” a bit incongruous with the thread topic @Pearlmaster500.

Yes, but if Man B isn't the father, we still don't know who Man A is to pursue the child support claims unless she is able and willing to say.

And if Man B or her family are the "honour killing" types, it's her and her baby that end up doused in petrol and set alight. And Man B won't go to jail until after that.

How about sharing the searching and let him see for himself... maybe someone he had unprotected sex with had a baby years ago? He might he very interested. Some women might not let a man know if they became pregnant, especially if a one night stand, holiday hook up or similar, or might not know how to contact a random shag

Completely agree. Its been sold as a fun, xmas present, but its far deeper than that.

I wouldn't pass on any contact details unless both people consented. But I would tell both people everything I did and didn't know, brother first.

There's a film about that called Gattaca. It's a dystopian sci-fi.

Mm ok a couple of emojis.. it was a bit of a joke back because the person said that most men wonder if they’ve got any kids out there which I highly doubt as I am sure they would assume that the person who is pregnant would tell them. Not that deep

@selffellatingouroborosofhate The problem with that plan is that they have to kill at least once before we can lock them up. Can you honestly not see how this is dangerous to women?

The issue here is that your approach is focusing on the women, rather than the men who commit violent crimes.

We should not be making decisions on the basis that some men are violent. The emphasis should be on ensuring that those men are educated so that they don't commit violent crimes in the first place, and ensuring they are locked up if they are violent.

If its backed up by dna then it is

If its backed up by dna then it is

No, I mean if she was told her dad walked out on them when she was 1 and is a complete fly-by-night. Or any kind of story, because her mum got the paternity wrong.

As far as I’m aware children dna is not allowed so will be someone over 18 ? Have you contacted them ?

And pigs might fly.

We should not be making decisions on the basis that some men are violent.

Actually, we do already, and we should keep doing so. Allowing single sex spaces to be lawful is a decision we make because some men are violent, to give women a means to avoid that violence.

We do not empower women by reducing their options in potentially-dangerous situations.

I would talk to your brother quietly, OP. The main reason being that it's likely to come up again, one day the child might want to find him, and at least this way he has a heads up. Once you've told him, I'd leave it and let him decide what, if anything, happens next.

Show it privately to your brother. If he wants to do nothing, do nothing.

Yep, we make decisions as a society all the time, based on the reality that men are the much more violent and dangerous sex and that you cannot tell which one is dangerous just by looking.

All decent men are fine with that. Dangerous men and their handmaidens are not.

(Yep, handmaidens. Great word, absolutely nails it. Handmaidens and the #bekind crew don't like words that nail down bad behaviour without apology, but I do).

Have you not read some if the previous posts?

Its already happened with 23 and me, they went bust, though not exactly sure the data is compromised