Ancestry results= family bombshell??

[SqueakyRadish]

Hey!
So... I did an ancestry thing just for fun, thought it would be cool to see my heritage etc.

Had my results back last week and it has "matched" me with another user that I share 27% of my DNA with, who it suggests is a half sibling or niece.

The most likely explanation (due to various factors) is that this is a niece.

But what the actual fuck do I do now? I feel awful because I know this and, as far as I know, nobody else in the family does.

I have one brother who has no children (or so I thought!) but who has been living, happily, with his partner and her 2 children for around 10 years.

He could have no idea? He could know and just want to keep it secret? He could know and other people in the family might know but keep it secret?

I literally just don't know what to do. I feel like I can't ask anyone in my family for advice because then I'm putting it on them as well.

Plus, if this other person does not want to be contacted or have anything to do with us then it feels like it would be better to just keep things as they are and do nothing at all.

I don't really know what I want... I just needed somewhere to talk about this and figure out what, if anything, I do next...

So I done an ancestry DNA test a good 6 years ago and they constantly update it. It originally came back I had a fair bit of Italian genetics but over the years it's changed to the ancestry I believed I was born with

I think you should tell him. Then its up to him what he does with that info, and if he wants to keep it from the rest of his/your family for whatever reason he can. He might find out years down the line and be furious that you knew and didn't tell him

She says its not her story to tell, but she may be hoping to learn something. I'd tell my brother with those high cms and matching on both sides of the family. He may not know or he may have kept it to himself.

I would wait a week or so to see if she contacts you. She may not want contact with you or your brother, though the fact she is on there makes me think that maybe she is looking for her father?

I think I would tell my brother but at the right time and after finding out a bit more. Can you look her up on Facebook and maybe work out who her mother is? If it’s anyone you recognise? Though I guess you don’t know all the women your brother has been with 🤔.

I agree.

It wasn’t - not the ‘DNA’. For some all that happened was what you’d personally chosen to make public eg ‘interest in surname Smith’ in text was public for anyone who didn’t match you as a cousin too. Not ideal. Not a disaster.

But OP, you HAVE to say something, becasue if you know, then SHE knows. And if you say nothing, then it will come back on you. Talk to your brother, show him the information and see if you can work out what is going on.

...

Have you actually taken the time to read the thread?

Granted, no I hadn't read the full thing, I read a number of pages at the beginning and at the end. I have edited my responses.

I have more gaps than information in my father’s family and have made the decision not to give my DNA to anyone. I don’t need any surprise's.

The fact that you are related on both sides does not mean the relationship (or common ancestor ) lived at the same time. There could be many generations separating a common ancestor on your maternal side apart from the recent one on your paternal side.
Families that lived in small villages or towns for a number of generations are very likely to share DNA and the random way in which it is passed on to descendants s accounts for the fact that most of us have literally thousands of distant DNA cousins scattered across the globe. I have even discovered DNA cousins amongst friends and acquaintances though our families lived hundreds of miles apart for generations,
My sister,l though sharing the usual sibling total of DNA doesn’t always match same smaller fragments of DNA shared with the more distant cousins

The fact that you are related on both sides does not mean the relationship (or common ancestor ) lived at the same time. There could be many generations separating a common ancestor on your maternal side apart from the recent one on your paternal side.
Families that lived in small villages or towns for a number of generations are very likely to share DNA and the random way in which it is passed on to descendants s accounts for the fact that most of us have literally thousands of distant DNA cousins scattered across the globe. I have even discovered DNA cousins amongst friends and acquaintances though our families lived hundreds of miles apart for generations,
My sister,l though sharing the usual sibling total of DNA doesn’t always match same smaller fragments of DNA shared with the more distant cousins

Yes but the cM value is so high it's highly unlikely this is the reality.

That's really the problem.

There are other options - for example that your parents had another child and for whatever reason adopted them out and this is that child’s child. But in any event I would 100% speak to my brother and let him know what I found.

I think she's made it clear she doesn't want you talking, I'd personally keep it to yourself. She doesn't want the cat out the bag.

I did a dna test and matched with someone who was an unknown first cousin. It turned out my aunt had given a baby up for adoption and I ended up liaising with the cousin (her son) and they connected. They were so happy to find each other and have developed a lovely relationship. I think people deserve to know where and who they came from if that’s information they want.

OP - Do you have any other relations from your dad on the site? There is always the possibility that your mum had an affair and this is a half sibling via your biological father.

Yeah there are relations of my dad on there that it has flagged up.
I'm 99.9% certain he's my dad because we look ridiculously alike and I have a lot of inherited traits from his side of the family

OP. It can't be a mix up.

You know this right?

DNA doesn't lie. People do.

It says both sides. She HAS to be related to both your Mum and Dad in some way. This can't be a distant relationship because you have such a high cM value.

A parent child relationship is in the region of 3400cM to 3600cM.

To get a half sibling / niece nephew its in the region of 1160 – 2436. A sibling is in the range of 1613 – 3488cM. A 1st cousin is 396 – 1397.

She's way higher than a first cousin. 1878cM is high. Its difficult to get BOTH SIDES and still be that high if not closely related. Its just really unlikely. The pedigree collapse would have to be substantial or you'd know about high levels of endogamy in your family from your family tree.

In terms of scenarios, it could be one of your parents and a close relation to one your other parents relations (eg your mum had a child with your dad's brother), then you might get some odd numbers popping up, but that'd be unusual. Its possible but unlikely.

It is almost certainly that she's your parents grandchild - whether that be through your brother or an unknown sibling.

This is useful info. If you look at the link X% shared DNA: X cM across X segments it comes up with some info on segments.

How do we estimate DNA relationships?
Shared DNA
Shared DNA is the amount of identical DNA that you and a match inherited from one or more recent common ancestors. Using an algorithm called TIMBER, we filter out DNA that’s not connected to a recent common ancestor, giving you a more accurate estimated relationship.
Unweighted shared DNA
Unweighted shared DNA is the total amount of identical DNA two people share. This includes DNA that’s shared for reasons other than a recent common ancestor, such as two people having the same regions or journeys. Unweighted shared DNA will almost always be larger than shared DNA for distant relationships (people who share 90 cM or less).
Longest segment
To measure the longest shared segment, we include all unweighted DNA. Since for shared DNA, we filter out DNA that’s shared for reasons other than a recent common ancestor, sometimes the longest segment will be longer than the amount of shared DNA for distant relationships.

Helpful terms
cM (centimorgans): The total amount of DNA you share with your matches is measured in centimorgans (cMs). The higher the number, the more closely you are related.
Segments: The DNA you share with your matches is distributed across segments—short segments, long segments, or a combination of both. The length of the longest segment you and a DNA match have in common can help us determine your relationship. Sharing fewer, longer segments often indicates a closer relationship.

Whatever the situation, I hope it works out for you all.

So, weirdly, it has 1 extended family member and 1 distant family member listed with the same surname as her, but they say they are only linked to my paternal side.

What could THAT mean?

No I believe they were going to sell it.

If you have relations from your dad and mums side popping up, you can't be far wrong. Its Both Sides AND a high cM value.

Does your Dad have a brother? Or your Mum have a sister. Because these are the only other scenarios that I think you could have where someone had an affair with another member of the family.

PPs may have already asked this. But do you have a female cousin of that age on your mum’s side? Your mum’s sister’s daughter? Could it be possible your father was intimate with your mum’s sister and she passed off your half-sibling as her partner’s?

IMHO, you should at least let it lie for a while, especially if the relative has messaged you. It may trigger her to contact her father and it may come out anyway, e.g. your brother decides to tell you. That way, you’ll have remained discreet and respectful and not risked stirring up a hornet’s nest.