Ancestry results= family bombshell??

[SqueakyRadish]

Hey!
So... I did an ancestry thing just for fun, thought it would be cool to see my heritage etc.

Had my results back last week and it has "matched" me with another user that I share 27% of my DNA with, who it suggests is a half sibling or niece.

The most likely explanation (due to various factors) is that this is a niece.

But what the actual fuck do I do now? I feel awful because I know this and, as far as I know, nobody else in the family does.

I have one brother who has no children (or so I thought!) but who has been living, happily, with his partner and her 2 children for around 10 years.

He could have no idea? He could know and just want to keep it secret? He could know and other people in the family might know but keep it secret?

I literally just don't know what to do. I feel like I can't ask anyone in my family for advice because then I'm putting it on them as well.

Plus, if this other person does not want to be contacted or have anything to do with us then it feels like it would be better to just keep things as they are and do nothing at all.

I don't really know what I want... I just needed somewhere to talk about this and figure out what, if anything, I do next...

OMG op, last summer I did a ancestory dna test and had the most awful shock horror that my childhood neighbour is my biological father and my mum had an affair with him 30 years ago 🫣 so fucking wierd.

I honestly wish I never did it because it fucked up my mental health. Now I know I have 3 siblings that I have known most of my life that would probably be nauseous at the idea we are actually biological half siblings aswell. 2 of my brothers have connections to 2 of the other kids but only knowing eachother from school and sruff luckily. It’s so vile. I haven’t even had a conversation with my mum about it she knows I know I just can’t bare it lol and my dad passed away when I was 19 but I don’t think he knew 😩

how are you feeling about it now do you think you’ll reach out too that person? You might have your notifications on and it would have notified you to them as a match!!

I think you may find that if she is a partner or wife of man b then with permission a DNA test can be done to see if man b is genetically related.
Who the other man is is completely irrelevant.

How strange this happened to me too last summer I just posted a minute ago. Since then I’ve joined a few NPE groups on fb and honestly there’s millions of us 😂

1,878

If you test the ‘baby’ at AncestryDNA you can identify the father, eventually, in most cases unless his ethnicity not much represented on database.

We've exchanged a few brief messages and she says she thinks it's a mix-up.

I don't see how that can be the case, but I'm taking that to mean that she'd rather not take it any further so I won't push it.

I'm going to have a think about how/when/if to bring it up with my brother.

Thank you all so much for your input. It's been good to be able to put it out there, so to speak, instead of just having it whizzing around in my head the whole time

And she matches both your maternal and paternal matches?

That's what it says! I'll see if I can attach a picture

That’s definitely a half sibling. Most likely from your dad? Does it say how old she is? It’s definitely not a mix up dna does not lie unfortunately

So probably niece then as you say. Roughly how old is she? Difficult whatever your age though.

What a position to be in!
How good is your relationship with your brother?
Tbh I would have to tell mine.
If she knows who her dad is then perhaps it is more likely your brother is aware of her existence.
But either way I think you need to talk to him.
It will take him time to process but he may really want to see her.
And even if he doesn't she's your niece and your parents grandchild if they are still around so you may want to meet her?
But it is a tricky situation but it could be worse she could have been conceived whilst he was married!
If DH had a child from before we met id support him and want him to meet them.
Do you have idea which girlfriend maybe her mum?

You think dad had a baby with one of mum’s relatives then?

Edit - corrected language.

If it's a half sister it would mean my dad had an affair with someone on my mum's side of the family. This just feels really, really unlikely.

On ancestry it says 19-29
I'm 45, my brother is 47. So it tracks age-wise if she's his daughter

What she understands about her paternity is not necessarily the truth though @Dutchhouse14

Where does it say she’s related to both of your parents? 🤔 I’m confused haha

Oh I’ve just realised it’s got to be your brothers child yes! Sorry not your dads 😂

It’s more likely that her brother has a random kid he may or may not know about than her dad had an affair with a relative of her mum’s.

I don’t buy that. I guess she knows what her relationship to you is, realises you don’t know, and doesn’t want to be the person to create waves.

You can use ThruLines on ancestry to see where she fits into your tree. Assuming you both have trees.

Yes no it has to be her brothers child sorry I didn’t realise it matched both parents!!

OP I would definitely tell him. Are you friendly? I’d just text and say look just fyi I have done a ancestory dna test and I’ve had a potential match that could be a half sibling or niece but they are related to mum and dad so I think it could potentially be your child??

See what he says has he ever mentioned anything about a child?

Yes, you could tell her for example that you don't know the story and that you have a sibling who you're not sure whether to tell about this. Then see how the 'niece' replies.

It’s important, I think, if she doesn’t want to pursue - as is her right - she does so from a position of full understanding.

Denial is one thing, thinking a glitch/‘all wrong’ quite genuinely, another. Some reject from latter perspective & that’s sad & unfortunate when it happens.

so you think at a societal level we should upload every person's DNA onto a nationwide database without needing parental consent? to what end? avoiding cuckoos in the nest? enforcing child support? what if it identifies the father, he's made to pay CS and given access but it turns out she didn't tell him for her own safety?

No worries.

He may not know. Eg ONS got pregnant, wasn’t 100% sure who the father or definitely didn’t want him involved.