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Ethical dilemmas
Original poster

Watching 8 month old at wedding on baby monitor?

354 replies

SpudMama321 · 17/07/2025 11:46

Hi all. Looking for advice. We are due to attend a wedding this weekend and our babysitter has pulled out. We are staying in onsite accommodation, but in a different building to the wedding itself which is a 3-5 minute walk away. She usually goes down between 7-8pm and sleeps through.

My question is - do you think one of us needs to stay with her all evening. Or, assuming the WiFi works well, do you think we can watch her on the baby monitor (which is a ring camera with an app on our phone) and go back to the wedding? I just rang the venue to check on the WiFi situation and they said we can't put her to bed and go back to the wedding (her opinion is we shouldn't do this because it's not in the building itself, I think) but I'm not sure I necessarily agree if we have the ring camera and a constant live stream. A 3-5 minute walk is a 2 minute jog for my husband. I am so torn! Will I just get a gut instinct when we arrive whether it's okay or not?

OP posts:
ForestFox44 · 17/07/2025 13:05

What 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I can't believe this is genuine.

saraclara · 17/07/2025 13:05

I'm another one who's pretty lax by Mumsnet standards, but I can barely believe what I just read. No, you can't do this and I honestly don't know how you could even consider it.

saraclara · 17/07/2025 13:07

The fact that you are asking this question means you're a responsible and thoughtful parent.

It really doesn't.

ClarasSisters · 17/07/2025 13:07

Even if you do have a camera/phone app you're going to be enjoying your evening and not staring at your phone. Plus the reception will likely be loud enough that you'll miss early cues of your baby being unsettled/distressed.

Ime also babies don't tend to settle as well for the night away from home so you can't guarantee they'll go down/stay asleep in the hotel as well as they would at home.

Either arrange another sitter or yep one of you stays with the baby. You can take it in turns though, not like one of you needs to miss it completely.

ETA in case it's not obvious that's a "don't be ridiculous" btw.

reversegear · 17/07/2025 13:08

I’m sure the hotel could find a local babysitter, or offer a sitting service? I’d feel better with a pushchair in the room keep her with you till say 11ish when you head to bed, if she stays awake I image she will have a great time. That way you won’t be having to keep checking.

Im pretty laid back but for me this would be the same as leaving a baby home and heading to a neighbours house for food and drinks which at 8 months I wouldn’t do.

Topsyturvy78 · 17/07/2025 13:08

No way 8 months is old enough she will be ok if her sleep is disrupted. If it's a child free wedding you would have to take it in turns to stay in the room.ust take her in. If not just take her with you in her pram.

Vaxtable · 17/07/2025 13:09

Bloody hell, why on earth do you think it’s acceptable to leave a baby in a different building and rely on a damn monitor

if you are that desperate to attend then each of you take turns in staying in the room with the baby then go back to the wedding

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 17/07/2025 13:10

I cannot believe you’re torn about this! How is this even a debate?!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 17/07/2025 13:11

hexagongoldbox · 17/07/2025 11:52

Really don’t see the problem with you keeping her with you and letting her sleep in her pram (or not) it’s only one night it will be fine

That’s what I’d do. If she should start crying or fussing, I’d take her out.

oustedbymymate · 17/07/2025 13:12

Jeez no. You cannot.

In the pram in the room with you. You can get baby ear defenders to help with noise.

If not one will have to take back to room and stay with baby. That's life as a parent.

MightyDandelionEsq · 17/07/2025 13:12

Is this a joke post?

Surely not?

deveronvalley · 17/07/2025 13:13

My friends did this with their baby at a wedding (same building) and got lots of disapproving comments, both behind their backs and to their faces! They stood their ground on the evening but I don’t think they’d do it again!

MyMilchick · 17/07/2025 13:13

jesus don't do that 😯

Icanttakethisanymore · 17/07/2025 13:13

Brendathebear · 17/07/2025 12:12

Im a very chilled mum but I wouldn't do this either. Let her stay up late and fall asleep on you. Then put her to bed in a buggy. #problemsolved

I also consider myself very relaxed but I wouldn't do this. She'll be fine in the buggy though.

TheBoldZebra · 17/07/2025 13:15

I'm so surprised you would even consider this as an option. The potential dangers are huge! 2 minute jog or not an 8 month old is a baby! If someone told you they planned to leave their 8 month old baby alone so they can attend a party how would you react? Perhaps skip the alcohol and take turns caring for baby between you and husband through the night so you dont conpletly miss out? Or seek wider family/friends for support? Alternatively pram and ear defenders are an option. There are certain sacrifices we make as parents and often this is putting the baby's needs before our own. Your baby requires caring for not leaving alone in a strange environment so you can attend a party - that may seem harsh but you would never forgive yourself if something went wrong. Its not worth the risk.

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 17/07/2025 13:16

I can’t believe what I’m reading. You’d think people wouldn’t even contemplate this, but here we are.

Icanttakethisanymore · 17/07/2025 13:16

To be honest I don't think you'd find it enjoyable. We have a couple of houses on the same 'patch' of land (it's really rural so the houses are remote but close to each other). We had a few people to stay at the next door house and we went there to have a drink with them and left our DS in his bed in our house. I could see the house (so I'd know if was on fire), I could see him on the monitor and there is no way someone could have approached the house without me knowing but I could not relax in the slightest.

Janey3090 · 17/07/2025 13:16

This has to be a joke right??

HerdMentality · 17/07/2025 13:17

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

Cityzen74 · 17/07/2025 13:17

No I wouldn't do this.

ClaredeBear · 17/07/2025 13:17

Can you take a pushchair and try her out with ear defenders before you go?

Snorlaxo · 17/07/2025 13:17

My kids are Madeline McCann generation and middle class parents frequently did this on holiday - hotels used to offer a listening in service where they’d alert the parents that the baby was crying but this practice obviously stopped after what happened to Maddie.
Don’t do it. There could be a fire or someone could spot your camera and take it with them to hide the evidence or whatever. Either take turns attending or the one closer to the couple should party while the other stays with the baby. Alternatively bring a pram and let baby sleep in a quieter area of the party.

Anxioustealady · 17/07/2025 13:18

Is it a family wedding? I'm not a Mom (but I am pregnant :)) and at a family wedding I took my neice back to the house we were staying at (a few minutes walk from the wedding, very similar)
at about 10pm so her parents could have a longer night.

If you have any introverted family members you often find them sat outside the venue chatting and I'd happily watch a sleeping baby for a couple hours while doing that.

Otherwise I think keep her in a pram with you, or take turns in the room. It's just not worth the risk to leave her in a house by herself.

clary · 17/07/2025 13:19

Holiday24 · 17/07/2025 13:02

I'm usually pretty relaxed about things but I wouldn't do this.

You don't know the staff, who will have access to the rooms. Or if there was a fire, they wouldn't allow you to go into the building. It's a small risk but not one worth taking in this instance I think. You'd never forgive yourself if something did happen.

EDITED: Just wanted to add, because there are a lot of very judgemental replies..! The fact that you are asking this question means you're a responsible and thoughtful parent. 30 years ago most people would have been fine with this after all!

Edited

I don’t agree PPs are judgemental tbh.

I also don’t agree re 30 years ago. My ds is 26 and I recall having him downstairs with us in a pushchair for a fancy meal at that age - and the alternative was him being upstairs in the same building! It was a big hotel and I was not comfortable with it. No one questioned me.

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 17/07/2025 13:20

I wouldn't leave my 8yr old let alone and 8 month old!
Mine slept in a pushchair in a corner of the room at a wedding we went to at that age (with us at the table next to it)