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Ethical dilemmas
Original poster

Childminder lives with rapist

163 replies

OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 14:13

I know a childminder who works from her house, and has her rapist son living with her. He isnt charged, but has admitted to multiple rapes and there is evidence of him admitting this. What do you even do with this information, is this a safety concern?

OP posts:
Original poster
OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:23

soupyspoon · 26/05/2025 17:20

It will be like wading through treacle for the officer taking these details to make sense of this.

i am trying my absolute best to answer each question and explain. giving a timeline of events to an officer is very different then answering random people’s questions on mumsnet.

OP posts:
Babyboomtastic · 26/05/2025 17:24

How do you know (1) the bloke in question (2) the woman?

Are you the same age as them? Maybe all of you students together or something?

How did you come to be standing next to him when he was sending these messages? And how could you not know whether he as a teenager or not, if he's in his 20s now, and this happened in the last few weeks? Because you wouldn't see 'older' messages on his phone (why were you looking at his messages anyway?), so the only way they could have been taken a long time before is if there was zero further communication with the recipient for years.

In short, this makes no sense.

Balero · 26/05/2025 17:25

What a peculiar thread.

YourQuirkyLimeSnail · 26/05/2025 17:25

OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:12

i didnt say he was never a friend. i said hes not in my friendship group, i said i WAS associated with him i am obviously not now. yes that is the story, apart from he wasn’t receiving them as far as im aware, i only saw the ones he had sent. i wasnt told not to report it because it wasnt wrong, i was told there would be nothing the police could do. yes that is the story

Show quote history

You're just making it worse.

So you saw him SEND multiple pictures of CSAM? He was doing that with you watching closely? At least he knew he wasn't in a private space where presumably, most people wanting to share pictures of CSAM would do that privately?

And after watching him send you said- multiple pictures of CSAM and not commenting on it, you then confronted him and he admitted they were CSAM and begged you not to tell the Police? And your mates and allegedly outsiders, told you not to report?

And was that before or after you were sure he is a multiple rapist and had evidence that he is?

And how did you get the information about that?

Original poster
OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:26

ChompandaGrazia · 26/05/2025 17:23

Tell me if this is correct.

There is a man in his 20s.
This man lives with his mother who is a childminder.
You know him but he’s not a friend.
You were looking over his shoulder and saw him sending indecent images of girls that you believe to be underage.
This man then confessed to you that he had had non consensual sex with someone.

You told all this to other people who said not to go to the police.

everything is correct, apart from he previously didnt live with his mother, he has only just moved back in. he was a friend. he obviously isnt now. he didnt confess it to me i found out from the girl, it was then confessed. i never discussed her rape with other people because that has never been something i was willing to report. the pictures i discussed as i had no evidence and wanted to know if they could do anything without any evidence. i was given wrong advice. i have now taken different advice.

OP posts:
BethDuttonYeHaw · 26/05/2025 17:27

Report to social services.

they can act even without a conviction in place.

Original poster
OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:29

Babyboomtastic · 26/05/2025 17:24

How do you know (1) the bloke in question (2) the woman?

Are you the same age as them? Maybe all of you students together or something?

How did you come to be standing next to him when he was sending these messages? And how could you not know whether he as a teenager or not, if he's in his 20s now, and this happened in the last few weeks? Because you wouldn't see 'older' messages on his phone (why were you looking at his messages anyway?), so the only way they could have been taken a long time before is if there was zero further communication with the recipient for years.

In short, this makes no sense.

ive said i know him because i was associated with him we were friends. yes im the same age. i was visiting thats how i came to be there. i dont know if he was a teenager because i didnt see the date he sent them, i dont know if this is someone he talks to regularly or they havent spoken in years. i dont know the person so i dont know their relationship or how often they talk

OP posts:
soupyspoon · 26/05/2025 17:29

OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:22

not on whatsapp. as stated before he was not sending them whilst i was there. they had previously been sent. at his house

Show quote history

You were at his house, you accidentally (over his shoulder or something) saw his phone? And in a chat (what chat, text, a forum?) saw some pictures which were embedded in the chat, how many messages back, you cant see many messages on a phone screen?

Digdongdoo · 26/05/2025 17:29

OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:26

everything is correct, apart from he previously didnt live with his mother, he has only just moved back in. he was a friend. he obviously isnt now. he didnt confess it to me i found out from the girl, it was then confessed. i never discussed her rape with other people because that has never been something i was willing to report. the pictures i discussed as i had no evidence and wanted to know if they could do anything without any evidence. i was given wrong advice. i have now taken different advice.

Show quote history

So did he confess the rape to you? You really must act on it if so!

Original poster
OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:30

YourQuirkyLimeSnail · 26/05/2025 17:25

You're just making it worse.

So you saw him SEND multiple pictures of CSAM? He was doing that with you watching closely? At least he knew he wasn't in a private space where presumably, most people wanting to share pictures of CSAM would do that privately?

And after watching him send you said- multiple pictures of CSAM and not commenting on it, you then confronted him and he admitted they were CSAM and begged you not to tell the Police? And your mates and allegedly outsiders, told you not to report?

And was that before or after you were sure he is a multiple rapist and had evidence that he is?

And how did you get the information about that?

Show quote history

you are picking and choosing what to read. i have said multiple times he was not sending them whilst i was there they were already in the chat. again ive said it was before i knew about the rape, and ive also said how i got that information.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:31

BethDuttonYeHaw · 26/05/2025 17:27

Report to social services.

they can act even without a conviction in place.

already reported the pictures

OP posts:
Original poster
OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:32

soupyspoon · 26/05/2025 17:29

You were at his house, you accidentally (over his shoulder or something) saw his phone? And in a chat (what chat, text, a forum?) saw some pictures which were embedded in the chat, how many messages back, you cant see many messages on a phone screen?

Show quote history

yes. i only saw two pictures before i confronted him

OP posts:
Original poster
OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:32

Digdongdoo · 26/05/2025 17:29

So did he confess the rape to you? You really must act on it if so!

Show quote history

already stated im not reporting the rape, everything else is now being dealt with

OP posts:
soupyspoon · 26/05/2025 17:32

plantsnpants · 26/05/2025 17:22

You have had some wrong advice here

firstly- unless the victim is under 13 or lacks capacity a victimless prosecution for a sexual offence would not happen- it goes against the victims wishes which are respected. That means he won’t be charged- he can however be arrested and the victim revisited to see if she wishes to
support an investigation.

sex offenders don’t have a strict type it is the access to vulnerability over preference, often child offenders have also committed offences against adults.

it is absolutely the right thing to do to report it - do a 101 or crime stoppers report if you wish to remain anonymous- give as much detail as possible.

He wouldnt be arrested as no crime will be recorded as the victim is not alleging this. Its hearsay. Right for the OP to raise it as intelligence nevertheless

Sex offenders of children usually have a type, however can sometimes be general sex offenders. There is a reason risk assessments take place during prosecutions and conviction because when they're released there are sometimes different conditions based on risk profiling, which is largely based on 'type'.

soupyspoon · 26/05/2025 17:33

OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:31

already reported the pictures

Show quote history

When did you do this?

You phoned 101, what details did you give the poor call handler.

Because if this thread (if real) is anything to go by it will be a massively confused mess and nothing can come of it because its so strangely confused.

Babyboomtastic · 26/05/2025 17:35

As if 16:15 you were going to report it. An hour and a quarter later, on a bank holiday, you apparently have reported it, despite having the time to frequently post on here.

Fair enough...

🤔

Original poster
OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:37

soupyspoon · 26/05/2025 17:33

When did you do this?

You phoned 101, what details did you give the poor call handler.

Because if this thread (if real) is anything to go by it will be a massively confused mess and nothing can come of it because its so strangely confused.

Show quote history

once again this is real. it was not a confused mess unlike this thread. i probably wont be updated on what happens next as i am not a victim in the case

OP posts:
soupyspoon · 26/05/2025 17:38

Babyboomtastic · 26/05/2025 17:35

As if 16:15 you were going to report it. An hour and a quarter later, on a bank holiday, you apparently have reported it, despite having the time to frequently post on here.

Fair enough...

🤔

It takes longer than that to get through to 101!!!

'your call is important to us, if this is an emergency call 999'

ad infinitum.

Original poster
OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:39

Babyboomtastic · 26/05/2025 17:35

As if 16:15 you were going to report it. An hour and a quarter later, on a bank holiday, you apparently have reported it, despite having the time to frequently post on here.

Fair enough...

🤔

yes. i have been responding to people i dont understand how that means i havent reported it? its not like i can put any details of the report on here to prove it so i dont know what you are expecting me to do here

OP posts:
Babyboomtastic · 26/05/2025 17:39

soupyspoon · 26/05/2025 17:38

It takes longer than that to get through to 101!!!

'your call is important to us, if this is an emergency call 999'

ad infinitum.

Show quote history

Quite!

Original poster
OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:39

soupyspoon · 26/05/2025 17:38

It takes longer than that to get through to 101!!!

'your call is important to us, if this is an emergency call 999'

ad infinitum.

Show quote history

wasnt 101 it was reported online

OP posts:
Digdongdoo · 26/05/2025 17:40

soupyspoon · 26/05/2025 17:38

It takes longer than that to get through to 101!!!

'your call is important to us, if this is an emergency call 999'

ad infinitum.

Show quote history

It's either all complete bollocks, or OP has decided to protect a supposed pedophile rapist...

soupyspoon · 26/05/2025 17:40

We are experiencing higher than normal call volumes, blah blah blah blah

Please call back later unless you are already dead or something.

Original poster
OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:40

Digdongdoo · 26/05/2025 17:40

It's either all complete bollocks, or OP has decided to protect a supposed pedophile rapist...

Show quote history

how have i protected them if ive reported them?

OP posts:
Original poster
OneBluePoster · 26/05/2025 17:40

soupyspoon · 26/05/2025 17:40

We are experiencing higher than normal call volumes, blah blah blah blah

Please call back later unless you are already dead or something.

it was reported online ive said this

OP posts:
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