My friend self-invited herself and got upset when rejected WWYD?

[ORLt]

A good old friend, on hearing I have to go abroad to sort out probate - in all likelihood several trips - (not a relaxed holiday) messaged me and I quote: 'Next time you are going, I am coming for a week'. I answered 'No, I want to be in .... by myself'. She answered 'suit yourself, I will to go .... with Emily'. A few weeks past and she messaged: 'When are you going? I insist you take me with you for a week'. My answer was 'I don't want you there. I shall go on my own'. (Sorting out my late mum's belongings and probate, not in a mood for entertaining guests). She wrote 'that is as rude as **ck.' and then she wrote a few pages on how insensitive and rude I was, how that country had memories for her, which was important to her and how I was rude to many people over the years (we have no friends or contacts in common, she can't verify even if I was). She went on to say I am non-PC and should be pulled up about it. I am in shock - was I supposed to say yes? Is it rude to say no to somebody who self-invites twice?

This is getting weirder - she has since written to me, saying that I should forward all our correspondence (!!!!) to my dh and dc - so they would see what I wrote so they would be judges of my behaviour/rudeness. She wrote 'but of course you would not do that'. So weird, I have no words.

Just tell her to fuck off and block her. She isn't your friend. She's a self serving botch.

She's totally lost the plot OP. Just quietly block and don't engage anymore

I would have no time for that nonsense. Tell her to do one.

Chuck it away.
Frankly, even if you were rude in the way you said it, tough shit. You'd already said no politely and she chose to push it.

This all happened because she was rude inviting herself! You don’t TELL someone you’re coming on their trip! Maybe “if you’d like someone with you I’d be happy to come but I understand if you’d rather be alone” and then listen to the answer.

She sounds really difficult, and an unhappy person which you can be sympathetic about, but people like this get what they want by making you feel bad for having normal boundaries, and they home in on people this works on. I think you handled it well. Sorry about your mum too

Sorry for your loss.
She's not your friend.
Cut her out of your life. Now.

Hi OP - that is very strange of her. I do think your wording was a little more blunt than ideal (might have been better to say 'I need to be by myself when I do this' rather than 'I dont want you there') but it seems like it has touched off something in her which is making her very unreasonable. I might respond saying that you dont need to ask them, you have every right to say you want to do something by yourself and she needs to stop this. And then block.

Who does that.She wrote to you because she couldn’t keep picking at you because you blocked her.Ignore her totally she’s probably got no one else to manipulate because of her behaviour and attitude.

Is she having some sort of breakdown?

"They know all about it already, and think you are crackers" would be my reply.

Wow, is she having a psychotic break?! You are going to sort out probate, of a deceased relative and she thinks YOU are being selfish to not accommodate her nostalgic desire to do some sightseeing?! That is just so completely bat shit insensitive. All the accusations she throws at you and attacks you with are exactly what she is. How vile she is to pity your husband and child! Block this person.

'I did. He told me to be blunt or you'd never accept being told no. Don't message me again'.

And block.

Narcissistic rage, possibly.

I mean I'd never say/ write ' I don't want you there' to a friend as it is rude, so not sure why you would write that, but she's gone totally OTT too

Ignore, ignore, ignore. She is mental

I blocked her on Whatsapp, and today I received this email - I hope you three are all well.

Dear...

I sent you some WhatsApp messages yesterday.
The last email I sent you was an olive branch, which your response suggested did not interest you.
Suffice to say that I'm sorry our relationship went wrong - I over-reacted to what I perceived to be a response that was harsh and lacking in empathy.
It would be a great pity for another however-many years to pass by without us being friends.
I thought you would have understood, given the emails I sent you about how horrendous things are here, how easily hurt I would be - hence my reaction.
Anyway - including the latest WhatsApps, this is olive branch number three. There will be no more, so the ball's now in your court, so to speak. I hope to hear from you - smart remarks unnecessary.

I am unsettled by this, I don't trust her anymore - she made allegations of my non-PC language (some true, some untrue) and I am scared.

Please don't reply OP, she is clearly getting desperate. If you do cave in now then she'll know this is the amount of harassment needed to get a response next time.

Then I received plain texts -

This is stupidity, Let's not have another several years of not talking, Life is too short. This is the second olive branch I have extended after the last email. We need to get over ourselves. Let me know if you are willing to fix it or not. I apologise if I upset you but - and naturally, there is a but - I'd already sent you two emails prior to all this madness, explaining how on edge I have been, due to my husband's family's horrible behaviour. I felt that your response 'I don't want you there' was harsh and the opposite of empathetic. Anyway, up to you if you prefer to leave things as they are. Say hello to dh and dc.

I don't know how to respond, but there is no way I want to remain friends with her - the accusations of my "vile" non-PC language and 'I pity your dh and dc' are still very much on my mind.

Am I wrong?

You are not wrong in the slightest. I'd be considering a final do not contact me again message, followed by a word to the police after this. She is harassing you.

I think she was hurt by you saying you didn't want her there. You don't sound like you spoke to her as a friend would. She's gutted and overreacted. You haven't given an inch so she's carried on
That's all there is to it.

Agree with @reflecting2023

Thank you, I am of the same opinion, even though I have doubts. But I can't get over what she said, I had no idea she felt that way about me.

Thank you.

Thank you.