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Ethical dilemmas
Original poster

My large friend couldn’t fit in my new shower.

130 replies

homecomingposy · 14/08/2023 14:46

I had a small group of friends come to stay for the weekend. One of them is massively overweight ( by her own admission ) and therefore I gave her the guest room with the brand new Ensuite so she could have privacy and not have to wander along the landing to the main bathroom. As they have now all left I went in to change the bed and clean the bathroom and have realised she didn’t have a shower all weekend. No towels moved, no wet shower tray, no damp towel.
I’ve just clicked that our new shower has a sliding door that simply doesn’t leave a big enough gap for her to get in. I am mortified. She must have been so upset. But it’s too late for me to replace the cubicle as would be too expensive.
Surely shower manufacturers should make openings big enough for larger people as standard now ?

OP posts:
Readingisgoodforyou · 14/08/2023 14:52

Is it really your responsibility to change your home in order to accommodate someone who's grossly overweight?
You are a very good friend.

Kittyhasababy · 14/08/2023 14:55

If she couldn't get into the shower she may well have been too heavy for the shower tray anyway. It's kind of you to consider her, but unless she's a very regular visitor, I wouldn't worry about it.

Akiddleetivy2woodenchu · 14/08/2023 14:55

I’m not that huge (size 18 and tall) but I recently stayed in a hotel where I couldn’t use the shower. The cubicle was small and the door opened inwards, and didn’t give me enough space to get in and close the door. My daughter(who’s 5’9” and a size 8) was in the room next door and said that her shower was “tight” to get into.

Defaultsettings · 14/08/2023 14:57

She didn’t use the towels for a strip wash? She obviously wasn’t bothered about washing at all.

Doggymummar · 14/08/2023 14:57

I have just lost 4 stone prior to that tho I cracked our shower tray due to my weight. Also was told not to go on the top bunk of nieces bunk beds due to weight allowance. She will know she was too heavy and be used to working round it.

Andanotherone01 · 14/08/2023 14:59

Is this for real? If she wanted to shower then she could have used the main bathroom at a quieter time.

TomatoSandwiches · 14/08/2023 15:01

I wouldn't be changing my bathroom for her but perhaps don't give her that room from now on?

LolaSmiles · 14/08/2023 15:02

Even if I wasn't going to shower, I'd wash my face and the hand towel would have been used for using the en suite toilet.

I don't think it's to do with your shower. Unless she brings her own towels with her, she's not that bothered about hygiene as it sounds like she has chosen not to wash at all all weekend, which is a bit grim

Hercisback · 14/08/2023 15:02

She should have had a strip wash or asked to use the main bathroom.

ronswansonstache · 14/08/2023 15:03

Oh dear- I doubt that this will have been the first time she has encountered this. I could barely fit into a holiday let shower at 8 months pregnant - had to manoeuvre in sideways and carefully. Many cubicle showers do have very narrow openings.

I'm sure she will have still had a lovely time staying with her friend, you sound like a very kind and empathetic person.

Pebbledashery · 14/08/2023 15:05

She could have just used the main bathroom at any point - don't understand why she didn't wash all weekend?

Original poster
homecomingposy · 14/08/2023 15:07

The hand towel was used so I expect she had a strip wash. Just not a shower

OP posts:
jlpth · 14/08/2023 15:07

She could have washed herself at the sink and/or had her own towels. Don't worry. You did nothing wrong. Showers are often tiny as we build tiny new builds so some fuckers can maximise their profits. My dd has an ensuite, which sounds lavish, but she is a stick thin teen - the shower is far too small for an ordinary sized person (new build obvs).

LimeCheesecake · 14/08/2023 15:11

You didn’t do anything wrong.

say nothing. If she brings it up, say you are sorry, you hadn’t noticed it was so hard to use that shower as you don’t use that bathroom.

give her a different bedroom next time she’s visits.

DyslexicPoster · 14/08/2023 15:17

If she is just a occasional guest this really isn't your problem. We have a large shower enclosure for my very thin dyspraxic son. But if you get a floor to ceiling wet room type glass you can make a shower however big you need it to be

AperolWhore · 14/08/2023 15:18

Her weight, her problem. She’ll never lose the weight if we adapt the world for obese people and I’m speaking as an ex rather large obese person!!

Clefable · 14/08/2023 15:19

Maybe she just didn't want a shower? Shocking for many MN posters to grasp but when we have people to stay for a couple of days not all of them have a shower during their stay.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 14/08/2023 15:31

YOU'RE mortified? Should think she's the one who would be mortified.

letshaveachangeshallwe · 14/08/2023 15:34

I'm big, it's absolutely not your responsibility. If she wanted to shower she could have just gone to the main bathroom. It's literally not a problem, youre overthinking this.

Deathbyfluffy · 14/08/2023 15:36

It's not your responsibility to change your house to accommodate those with little to no self control.
I'm larger, but accept it's my own doing - I'd hate if anyone felt bad for it!

OnionBhajis · 14/08/2023 15:38

Ah just another thinly disguised fat-bashing thread. And the punters are lapping it up. 🙄

Ickystickystickystickybubblegum · 14/08/2023 15:38

Deathbyfluffy · 14/08/2023 15:36

It's not your responsibility to change your house to accommodate those with little to no self control.
I'm larger, but accept it's my own doing - I'd hate if anyone felt bad for it!

What a nasty comment. You have no idea why this woman is the size she is?

Ickystickystickystickybubblegum · 14/08/2023 15:40

Things the OP did not ask for:

Your opinion on fat people

What she asked for:

If she can make any future accommodations to make sure her friend has access to being able to wash.

Treating people with respect and empathy should not be hard, yet here you all are.

RocketIceLollie · 14/08/2023 15:41

It's not your problem. It's your shower. If it suits yourself and your fellow residents then it's fine for its purpose. Not every bathroom is big enough for larger showers either. Maybe it'll be a wake up call for your friend that they are obese and try and do something about it.

WonderingWanda · 14/08/2023 15:42

I do think you are jumping to conclusions she may not have wanted to shower. Or maybe you are right and she was too overweight to fit. If so, despite all the body positive and love your body messaging we are bombarded with these days, is actually very worrying from a health point of view. I wonder if she is at the point she doesn't fit into a shower she might start to want to address the excessive weight. Either way, it's her choice.