My large friend couldn’t fit in my new shower.

[homecomingposy]

I had a small group of friends come to stay for the weekend. One of them is massively overweight ( by her own admission ) and therefore I gave her the guest room with the brand new Ensuite so she could have privacy and not have to wander along the landing to the main bathroom. As they have now all left I went in to change the bed and clean the bathroom and have realised she didn’t have a shower all weekend. No towels moved, no wet shower tray, no damp towel.
I’ve just clicked that our new shower has a sliding door that simply doesn’t leave a big enough gap for her to get in. I am mortified. She must have been so upset. But it’s too late for me to replace the cubicle as would be too expensive.
Surely shower manufacturers should make openings big enough for larger people as standard now ?

Could she have used her own towel? I have a friend that always brings her own.

They are not living with obesity it's not an illness.

I’m not sure whether I would be considered massively overweight but I’m 14 stone and a size 18. I am having a new en suite installed with a sliding shower door and I must admit this was one of the questions I asked the bathroom guy who quoted. He was a big lad too and said it was big enough for him. The only reason I considered it because I had stayed with a friend some months before and getting into her shower with a sliding door was a bit of a tight squeeze. Bizarre that they are so narrow.

Yes, I thought that bit was slightly weird. I mean, assuming the OP and her friends and family don’t habitually ‘wander’ naked along the landing to the main bathroom, the heavier friend would only be going to take a shower in her clothes or nightclothes carrying a towel/toilet bag, same as anyone else…?

@NewNovember As stated multiple times, many of us are obese due to prescribed steroids. Also, yes, it IS an illness as the NHS will confirm

I had a (skinny) friend stay at my house once who didn't shower for over a week. Maybe she's just not a fan of showers.

https://www.nice.org.uk/news/article/nice-recommends-new-drug-for-people-living-with-obesity

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/new-specialised-support-to-help-those-living-with-obesity-to-lose-weight

Obesity is a disease

Oh no, your poor friend! I've been that friend, who has to contort her body into unbelievable twists to get into an average size cubicle shower. I have a disability so being able to go into a bath not an option either!

It's really kind of you to be considerate to her feelings, you sound lovely btw. Whether on not you adapt the shower to a walk in/wet room depends on how often she comes to stay, whether you can afford it etc?
If she is able bodied, might there be a bath with a shower attachment option she could use?

For many people it's the product of an eating disorder, which is a mental illness.

Not your responsibility if your friend is so obese as not to fit into an ordinary domestic shower cubicle. And she could have used the main bathroom if she'd really wanted a shower.

Imagine saying that anorexia was just too much self control? Eating disorders (and unless there is a medical issue it's likely to be an ED) aren't that simple.

This. 100%.

I'm 5 foot 7 and 10 stone so far from massively obese and barely fit in my tiny shower.

Its literally just a square big enough to stand completely upright in.

Really? I've never seen one that small. Mine is about 2ft by 2ft and we've had two in it.

If someone is obese then I think there is a bit of a tipping point where it does become a disability because that person will not be able to access everything, a bit like someone in a wheelchair. My whole Victorian terrace house would not be very accessible for someone obese, not just the shower - the house is very small with lots of very narrow stairs, small bathrooms with small showers, narrow doorways etc. As it’s a small period property, there is nothing that can be done about it.

I think my landlord just bodged it together (builder was shocked when he saw it and has been saying its unsafe as it massively leaks into the walls/floor but landlord wont fix it) in what would originally have been the airing cupboard.

Oh ok, that explains it. I think mine is a pretty standard new build size.

i think you're assuming this is the reason she didn't shower, some people don't shower every day, some women because of their hair/tan, it could be she didnt just want to shower everyday and a quick wash was enough

Maybe this is the push she needs to live a healthier lifestyle.

It's very sweet of you though to immediately think of changing the door to accommodate her albeit completely unnecessary and a waste of money.

Where exactly did she say she felt she had to hide her friend away? She gave her the en suite for privacy. Seriously wonder about the mentality of some people.

This comes from someone who at one point weighed 18 stone and ate A LOT less than the rest of my healthy-eating family. I am registered disabled after fracturing my spine and doing a lot of damage to my back and hips when younger, and exercise (apart from swimming) is not an option for me. So it turns out I had a virtually non-functioning thyroid, and despite hefty doses of thyroxine every day, I felt and looked no better. Only after endless tests, supervised tablet taking and supervised eating in hospital for a week (yes, really) - did they discover that my body simply doesn't absorb oral thyroxine. I now inject it daily and within a year, my weight dropped incredibly and has now stabilised at 12 stone.

It breaks my heart when I hear people sniff down their nose and say that obesity is a lifestyle choice. For many yes it is to a degree, but for the odd few it just isn't. And it's bloody crushing when sitting in a wheelchair and knowing that some people are itching to blurt out "if you got off your fat arse and ate less, you wouldn't need that wheelchair".

But anyway, what a lovely friend you must be. Don't beat yourself up, you couldn't have known and even if you did, there wasn't much you could have done about it. Didn't she have a basin wash though?!

Their apartments and houses are often much bigger than ours. It would be amazing if our places sere generally the same size as theirs.

@PoshPineapple

Why would a person with obesity need more privacy than anyone else? Surely you would use a bathroom one at a time?