Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Ethical dilemmas
Original poster

My large friend couldn’t fit in my new shower.

130 replies

homecomingposy · 14/08/2023 14:46

I had a small group of friends come to stay for the weekend. One of them is massively overweight ( by her own admission ) and therefore I gave her the guest room with the brand new Ensuite so she could have privacy and not have to wander along the landing to the main bathroom. As they have now all left I went in to change the bed and clean the bathroom and have realised she didn’t have a shower all weekend. No towels moved, no wet shower tray, no damp towel.
I’ve just clicked that our new shower has a sliding door that simply doesn’t leave a big enough gap for her to get in. I am mortified. She must have been so upset. But it’s too late for me to replace the cubicle as would be too expensive.
Surely shower manufacturers should make openings big enough for larger people as standard now ?

OP posts:
Ifeelsuchflutterings · 14/08/2023 16:30

If she traveled up on say Friday, after having a shower at home, and then travelled home on Sunday and decided she wanted to have a shower when she got home then she essentially only went Saturday without a shower, that's not really a massive deal unless it was very hot or you were doing lots of activities

It's highly possible she just didnt bother to have a shower rather than assuming she couldn't fit

AvengedQuince · 14/08/2023 16:30

Ickystickystickystickybubblegum · 14/08/2023 16:26

Living with obesity is a term you have made up.

Larger/bigger bodies is the all-encompassing and accepted term to use. As is 'fat body'.

Show quote history

I understood it as the polite way to describe living with a disease, illness or disability, I didn't make it up. Large doesn't just mean someone with obesity so could be misinterpreted. My XH was a large man but a healthy weight and fit in standard facilities.

LadyKenya · 14/08/2023 16:31

OnionBhajis · 14/08/2023 15:38

Ah just another thinly disguised fat-bashing thread. And the punters are lapping it up. 🙄

It is strange to say the least. The friend is a fully functioning adult, capable of making the decision to use the other bathroom, or the sink, one would have thought.

Frogmila · 14/08/2023 16:32

She might have used the main bathroom early or late not wanting to embarrass you by mentioning it.

Wouldlovetobeinthesun · 14/08/2023 16:32

You sound like a genuinely lovely caring friend. Maybe she bought her own towel and used it instead of creating more washing for you? I'm sure that even if she didn't shower for the reasons you're worried about, she wouldn't hold it against you.

jolaylasofia · 14/08/2023 16:35

have heard it all now. If she's only used a hand towel it means she hasn't had a proper wash at all. I have a strip wash nearly every day and can't do that with a hand towel. Showers are not necessary for keeping clean for a few days- she's just mucky

Ickystickystickystickybubblegum · 14/08/2023 16:39

AvengedQuince · 14/08/2023 16:30

I understood it as the polite way to describe living with a disease, illness or disability, I didn't make it up. Large doesn't just mean someone with obesity so could be misinterpreted. My XH was a large man but a healthy weight and fit in standard facilities.

Show quote history

But it doesnt matter WHY she is big? So using the term obesity as an umbrella term is irrelevant.

Large body didn't fit. Why it's large doesnt matter. The end.

Moveoverdarlin · 14/08/2023 16:42

It’s not your problem, neither is it the problem of manufacturer of shower doors.

diddl · 14/08/2023 16:43

not have to wander along the landing to the main bathroom.

Why is that a problem?

I'm sure she had something to wear to the bathroom & could also get dressed in there!

Or is he too large for that & the landing??!!

AlfietheSchnauzer · 14/08/2023 16:46

homecomingposy · 14/08/2023 14:46

I had a small group of friends come to stay for the weekend. One of them is massively overweight ( by her own admission ) and therefore I gave her the guest room with the brand new Ensuite so she could have privacy and not have to wander along the landing to the main bathroom. As they have now all left I went in to change the bed and clean the bathroom and have realised she didn’t have a shower all weekend. No towels moved, no wet shower tray, no damp towel.
I’ve just clicked that our new shower has a sliding door that simply doesn’t leave a big enough gap for her to get in. I am mortified. She must have been so upset. But it’s too late for me to replace the cubicle as would be too expensive.
Surely shower manufacturers should make openings big enough for larger people as standard now ?

So she didn't have to wander along the landing for a shower Because she's overweight?? Presumably it was ok for your slim friend to do this? Did she have a room with the en-suite too?

Also, it feels very much like you've posted this to have a dig at bigger people, not shower manufacturers!

Also, how do you know for sure that she couldn't fit through the door? I'm very overweight (thanks to prescribed steroids before anyone has a go) but I've never struggled with small cubicles. Managed fine in a tiny caravan shower cubicle

SpicedPumpkinLatte · 14/08/2023 16:48

Ickystickystickystickybubblegum · 14/08/2023 16:27

How do you know she went days?

Show quote history

I was replying to another poster who said she often has guests who stay for days without showering. Wasn't directed at the OP.

AlfietheSchnauzer · 14/08/2023 16:49

AperolWhore · 14/08/2023 15:18

Her weight, her problem. She’ll never lose the weight if we adapt the world for obese people and I’m speaking as an ex rather large obese person!!

Some people (like myself) are obese due to prescription Steroids so what you're saying is offensive.

AlfietheSchnauzer · 14/08/2023 16:50

OnionBhajis · 14/08/2023 15:38

Ah just another thinly disguised fat-bashing thread. And the punters are lapping it up. 🙄

This

AlfietheSchnauzer · 14/08/2023 16:51

Deathbyfluffy · 14/08/2023 15:36

It's not your responsibility to change your house to accommodate those with little to no self control.
I'm larger, but accept it's my own doing - I'd hate if anyone felt bad for it!

Excuse you???? I'm obese due to prescription steroids, how DARE you imply I have little to no self control?!?!

Reported

SunMootStars · 14/08/2023 16:51

You are a considerate friend OP. I'm a size 12/14 and feel slim/average and I had real difficulty using the toilet onboard some recent flights (various airlines). I had to swivel and manoeuvre myself to get in and use the facilities. It was a very tight squeeze. It made me wonder how some people might seriously struggle to use the bathroom on the flight . It actually made me angry when I thought more about it- it truly felt exclusionary.

whynotwhatknot · 14/08/2023 16:59

im larger and cant fit in my fil shower i just asked if i could have a bath instead

maybe next time just say youre welcome to use the bath if you would prefer a soak

Wenfy · 14/08/2023 17:01

Are you sure she didn’t bring her own towel and used the hand towel to wipe up the shower area afterwards? This is what I do.

Original poster
homecomingposy · 14/08/2023 17:08

Saying “would you prefer to have a soak in the bath “ is a great idea as is leaving additional products for her to use ( and in the other bathrooms for others too )
and no I’m not fat shaming her at all. I’m also overweight ….. working on not being !

OP posts:
Wisenotboring · 14/08/2023 17:09

I don't think you need to do anything. I am curious as to why you felt a fat person had to be hidden away in a separate room with an en suite?

DameCurlyBassey · 14/08/2023 17:14

If she is confident enough of you as a friend to describe herself to you as massively overweight she would have been confident enough to tell you the problem - if indeed it was a problem. It obviously wasn’t a problem. Let it go.

DeadButDelicious · 14/08/2023 17:15

All the horror at the potential of a couple of days without a shower! I'm fat. I broke my ankle and had to have it pinned back together, during my recovery I wasn't allowed, Doctors orders, to use my over bath shower as I wasn't to weight bear at all. They were worried about the potential for slipping. So for 9 weeks I had to have a strip wash at the sink whilst perched on a tall stool thing provided by the hospital so I could use the toilet. And shock horror, I was fine! I didn't stink, I did my armpits and whatnot every day and had a wash down of the rest of me, my mum helped wash my leg and my hair. A couple of days without a shower is no odds to me now, I know I can be clean without one. Oh and just to be clear, it wasn't because I'm fat, it was the same for everyone who had surgery at the same time as me, big or small, no climbing into the bath!

You are a good friend OP for being concerned. She will more than likely be used to making adjustments because of her size, if she comes to stay again, ask her if the room she had before was ok and give her the opportunity to say if it wasn't, if she doesn't pipe up, offer everyone a bath so she has the opportunity.

Abra1t · 14/08/2023 17:17

I find quite often guests who're staying for one night or two don't want to shower (and ours is fine: clean, well-maintained, in an ensuite). I think some people either can't be bothered when they're away and just strip-wash at the basin or they don't want to give you extra towels.

Ickystickystickystickybubblegum · 14/08/2023 17:17

DeadButDelicious · 14/08/2023 17:15

All the horror at the potential of a couple of days without a shower! I'm fat. I broke my ankle and had to have it pinned back together, during my recovery I wasn't allowed, Doctors orders, to use my over bath shower as I wasn't to weight bear at all. They were worried about the potential for slipping. So for 9 weeks I had to have a strip wash at the sink whilst perched on a tall stool thing provided by the hospital so I could use the toilet. And shock horror, I was fine! I didn't stink, I did my armpits and whatnot every day and had a wash down of the rest of me, my mum helped wash my leg and my hair. A couple of days without a shower is no odds to me now, I know I can be clean without one. Oh and just to be clear, it wasn't because I'm fat, it was the same for everyone who had surgery at the same time as me, big or small, no climbing into the bath!

You are a good friend OP for being concerned. She will more than likely be used to making adjustments because of her size, if she comes to stay again, ask her if the room she had before was ok and give her the opportunity to say if it wasn't, if she doesn't pipe up, offer everyone a bath so she has the opportunity.

Pits, tits, naughty bits.

We call it the Victorian strip wash.

Timetochangegonzo · 14/08/2023 17:20

If she showered Friday before coming to yours and washed Sunday when she got back then she just didn’t shower one day. This is totally normal.

why did you think she needed to be hidden away because she’s fat? I find this whole post a bit weird